Episode One: With Love From Brennenburg
“Sweetheart, I think you missed the turn.” Pinkie Pie shifted uncomfortably. The car seat was built for a human body, and her pony form didn’t match quite well enough.
Fniff made a “Pssh” sound. “Nah, probably not. It’s these pine trees. And the dark. The guide said that Brennenburg is about... Thataway.” Fniff pointed vaguely in the direction where they were going. “Then he handed me another one of those nice crosses that the townspeople around seem to keep giving me. I should probably make a note of that. I’ve got about twelve.”
“I guess they’re superstitious or something. If that ‘Flan’ girl is anything to go by, though, they’ll probably all be in for a big surprise if something nasty comes knocking.” Pinkie turned her head around to look in the back seat of the 4-door pickup. “Tom, you fall asleep or something? Haven’t heard a peep out of you in a while.”
Tom, in the back seat, opened his eyes. As a matter of fact, he had fallen asleep somewhere along the pine trees and the other pine trees. “Uh, don’t think I fell asleep. I’d know if I did.” Tom rubbed his eyes. “Heh, funny dream. Thought we were going to this really old castle that was also haunted and had a really nasty guy owning it in the 1800s... Oh... Wait, we are doing that.” He sighed.
“Come on,” Fniff said, cheerily. “It’s just a castle, what could be in there?”
“Besides,” Pinkie chuckled, “even if there are some nasty-wasty ghosties in there, they aren’t gonna hurt us! We could probably even laugh them all away!”
Tom rubbed his quite long pink hair away from his eyes. Looking in the mirror of the car, his pale face and round features looked quite unhappy. “I have been doing some research on this place, and I got this book from somewhere.” He tried to remember the passage that he would present as evidence against going to Brennenberg. “This Daniel guy says that there was these things inside that looked like a man but they were mutilated completely. He also says that staying a whole day in Brennenberg again was his worst nightmare.”
“Oh come on. That was written in the 1800s, times are different. It was cleared out, renovated... Nothing inside at all.” Fniff smiled. He could see something on the horizon. “See, it’s just there.”
Tom looked at the sinister shape on the horizon. “Dad, I kinda doubt that there could be anything more obviously creepy and weird and terrifying than that castle. Even looking at it’s shadow is creeping me out. All we need is a flash of lightening...”
A bright light suddenly flashed through the car, causing Tom to start looking around and Fniff to sit slightly more alert. Pinkie Pie just laughed and...somehow...held up her camera. “Got you!”
Tom managed to stop himself from screaming and calmed down. “I hate when I’m sort of right.”
“The tourist guide guy said that there are at least fifty lightening storms a month that are usually not camera flashes. The rest is just downpour. This is the best castle for mad science. I mean, the rain would help plants which feed animals which gives me nice genetic samples.” Fniff said, shakily. He remembered the time he was the only student who yelled in fear when a lightening bolt hit the dead body. Actually, more went “Eeeeeeek!” in a high-pitched voice.
“Well, it certainly looks...unrenovated,” Pinkie noted as they came closer to the castle. Her eyes traced the cracks in the heavy stone walls all the way across the wall. “Is this place even safe?”
“Probably. It’s got a big library. It’s got tunnels near the library. It’s got a chapel, even. It even has two halls. Great, right. Yeah. This was a good idea.” Fniff smiled nervously. He pulled up near the castle. “Even 10% of it is lit, including the entrance hall, the back hall and the archives! They even cleared 90% of the rubble in the lit parts! That’s pretty damn good.”
“I’m sure this was a frankly brilliant idea and that we will not regret giving a single penny of our valuable money to the owners of this brilliant haunted castle. Not. A. Single. Penny.” Tom said, ending the sentence with opening the car door. Fniff followed suit and headed for the boot to get the luggage.
“How much did this place cost us again?” Pinkie was scanning the building warily as she bit the handle of her luggage, her eyes occasionally flicking toward the surrounding forest.
“At first, twenty million. Then one million. And then 50 dollars. No bids at all, it just kept dropping.” Fniff loved that auction. Such luck. He took his rather large bag and a bag of books that the whole family resolved to put in a seperate bag due to the amount.
“A nice sign of quality. No-one bids on it at all except you, dad. Always reassuring” Tom rolled his eyes as he got his backpack, shouldered it and looked towards the entrance. “Are we going in?”
“Yep. Our bedrooms are in the Back Hall, which is through the archives, which we reach via the Entrance Hall. Easy as... easy.” Fniff said, putting an inflection on the second easy. “Man, it has been so long since I smelled European air. Too bad it’s Poland and not Ireland. I still miss that country.”
“Is European air supposed to smell like blood?” Pinkie questioned, carefully sniffing the air before waving her head. “Actually, don’t answer that, something tells me I’d rather not know. Just point me to the kitchen, I’d like to make sure we can eat here without being poisoned.”
“Probably chemicals, yeah. Let’s eat.” Fniff said, and opened the door. It opened into a grey and slightly lit hall leading to a door, which had a Latin inscription over it with two stairs side by side. Florescent lights dotted the hall. “Yep, Entrance Hall. This is where we should be.”
“That text isn’t English, is it?” Pinkie sighed. “I don’t understand how you humans can have so many languages. On Equestria, there’s pony and griffon. The dragons don’t even have their own language, they just use whatever language they grow up learning.”
Fniff walked the length of the hall and looked at the text. “Yep, Latin. Everyone back then loved them some Latin. Wouldn’t know it myself, I was an Ancient Greek sort of person. I prefer it. Glyphs are pretty.”
“Right, Latin, awesome. This is like a history lesson in a building.” Tom said, looking at the text while walking through the hall. “This isn’t exactly a very inspiring building, is it?”
“I like the architecture.” Fniff said plainly.
“What, vague menace?” Tom looked around. This whole place had a visible aura of menace.
Fniff didn’t reply. He opened the door. “Archives here!”
“Ooh, Twilight would love this!” Pinkie looked around at the shelves full of various paper-based objects.
Fniff took a random book from a bookshelf. “The Secrets Of Vitae. Should be a fun read.” He clicked his tongue and moved on. There were lots of doors leading to other rooms, with labels in Latin such as “Exotic Books” and “Maps Of Brennenburg”. Fniff did not open a single one. He would have time to explore later. He got to the end of the corridor and opened a door into a wooden room. There was a piano, a few chairs, some bookcases, a few paintings and a grand piano. There weren’t any lights apart from a single lamp and a lit chandelier filled with candles.
“Right, trip through Archive Tunnels then.” Fniff said, pointing to a door marked ‘Tunnels’. He moved forward when he noticed a note just below his shoe. “Hey, Tom and Pink! I found a note!”
“What’s it say, Dad? ‘Abandon all hope ye who enter here?’”
“Nah, much more cheery...” Fniff picked up the note and read it aloud. “19th of August, 1839
I wish I could ask you how much you remember. I don't know if there will be anything left after I consume this drink. Don't be afraid Daniel. I can't tell you why, but know this. I choose to forget. Try to find comfort and strength in that fact. There is a purpose. You are my final effort to put things right. God willing, the name Alexander of Brennenburg still invokes bitter anger in you. If not, this will sound horrible. Go to the Inner Sanctum, find Alexander and kill him. His body is old and weak, and yours, young and strong. He will be no match for you. One last thing, a shadow is following you. It's a living nightmare, breaking down reality. I have tried everything and there is no way to fight back. You need to escape it as long as you can. Redeem us both Daniel. Descend into the darkness where Alexander waits and murder him.
Your former self,
Daniel
“
He was slightly out of breath, but he had read it out loud. “This isn’t exactly a pleasant note, is it.” Fniff raised an eyebrow at the contents.
“I thought you said it was much more cheery. That didn’t sound cheery at all!” Pinkie’s eyes were drooped in worry.
“Good news. Dated 1839, means that the danger has long passed. Daniel, if my memory is correct, survived with memory intact and a nice book deal.” Fniff adjusted his glasses. “Now, shall we head through the tunnels? I think I left a flashlight in this bag.” He opened his bag, and pulled out a small black flashlight. “Got one!”
“That’s a tiny flashlight.” Pinkie Pie looked at her bag. “Why didn’t I bring that floodlight? It may have a bad bulb, but at least you could probably bludgeon something with it.”
“What thing? There isn’t anything here.” Fniff said, smiling with an air of ‘Really, I’m actually sort of afraid too’ about him.
“Dad, I’d be surprised if we didn’t get harvested by something or the other in the next twenty minutes.” Tom looked at the door leading to the tunnels. He could swear something was looking back.
“Even if there’s nothing ghoulish in here,” Pinkie warned, “that doesn’t mean that some critter or creep hasn’t crawled up in a corner and is counting on us continuing onward.”
At that moment, the door creaked a bit open. Just enough for an average sized head to poke through. Which it did. An oddly non-ghoulish, creep-ish or critter-like head. More like the type of head you’d expect to see serving you in a very low-budget restaurant. A man with blond hair, green eyes and a rather short stature peeked at the family. “Oh Dear!” It said, before it slammed the door and the quiet sound of feet running away into the tunnels beneath the very stone of Brennenburg.
“That’s it, I’m gone.” Pinkie Pie wheeled around on her foreleg and made a trot for the exit.
“Oh come on, honey...” Fniff sighed and quickly marched over to the entrance to the archive tunnels. “Hello!?” he shouted. It echoed into the black. “Come on, who is down there?”
“Uh, I am very sorry, I’m an archaeologist! I thought this wasn’t going to be occupied, I’m conducting a study!” The voice that had ran away shouted back. “I can leave right now if you want, my car is outside!”
Tom looked into the darkness. “What car?”
“Oh buggering hell, some pollack has stolen it, I bet... Bloody hell, and it was a good model too...”
Fniff looked back to Pinkie, who was just about to leave. “Pinkie! This guy is just an archaeologist! He’s fine! He just had a problem with mixed dates!”
Pinkie looked back over her shoulder with an expression of annoyance, surprising for someone who has no ability to feel anger, Fniff thought, and then turned around and started moving back towards her husband and son.
The Archaeologist walked up the stairs and into the Archives. “Hello there.” He said. He was all dressed in perfect Archaeological gear. He was ready for action in anywhere that needed a brush or patience. “I’m Jeremy, I was just investigating Castle Brennenburg’s fabulous structure. A perfect example of European castles, I must say, and perfectly preserved in places! I did not realize a family would be arriving so soon.”
“The last person I knew who carried themself like that turned out to be a prick,” Pinkie said under her breath to her son. “Of course, she also acted the part, so I guess this guy might not be too bad.”
“Nice to meet you, sir. I am Fniff Ulysess... Okay, it’s a rather complex surname, but anyway. I’m Fniff, mad geneticist.” Fniff offered a hand. Jeremy took it graciously.
“Right, does anyone want to be shown the way through the tunnels? It’s rather... Well, let’s just say nature and history has not been kind to it.” He shrugged. “There are no problems, however.” He took a revolver outside of his backpack and cocked it. “Any remaining Gatherers, which is doubtful, will be swiftly blown away.”
“Sweetheart,” Pinkie opened in the sweetest voice she could muster, “I love you, and I understand you have certain...requirements...for your line of work.” She glanced at her son. “But there is no way in Hades that I am going to let my son live in this forsaken dump that someone had the audacity to call a ‘castle’. I’d also much rather stay somewhere else.”
Jeremy looked slightly appalled. “My dear mare, this is a castle. I mean, take a look at my photograph of the lovely back hall! I am slightly offended by your rash judgement.” He handed Fniff a photograph. Fniff’s jaw dropped.
“Holy tap-dancing window-smashing skin-head Jesus Herbert Christ.” Fniff had a mask of complete shock. He handed the photo over to Pinkie.
What Pinkie saw was probably the heart of the renovations. It was a beautiful hall. That is all that could be described. It had all the good qualities that a castle setting could require, and it almost could have made up for the rest of the place. It even showed part of the upstairs, which held five sleeping quarters.
“Right. That...actually doesn’t look bad.” Pinkie looked around. “Something tells me I won’t be leaving that section, though, unless something big happens.” Pinkie looked up at Jeremy. “Lead on, I guess.”
Jeremy smiled and headed to the right. Fniff stopped him. “Wait, the back-hall is where you came. Where are you going?”
“There is another way, why would I go through the tunnels again? It’s not exactly showing of the Castle’s good qualities. It’s rather shit, I might say.” Jeremy said, with emphasis on the third word of the last sentence. He walked on.
“Wow, he is the most British person I have ever met.” Tom said, completely surprised. “I doubt anyone could be more British without... Exploding from sheer Britishiness.”
“Now, now, Tom.” Pinkie nudged the boy’s cheek with her snout. “I don’t need to tell you my little ‘cultural sensitivity’ tale again, do I?”
“No, mom.” Tom said, not wanting to hear the particulars of that tale once again after last week’s interesting adventure. “He is very... 1850’s British adventurer, though? Like, you’d expect him to be swishing through the underbrush or something.”
“Well, do you expect me to reanimate corpses all the time? He probably swears at the television in his spare time, same way I drink coke while playing Ace Of Spades and shouting at the Blue team.” Fniff laid a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “We all have to switch off sometimes.”
“I’d personally like to switch off with a nice bath, but I’m betting that the water’s going to be opaque crimson.” Pinkie again sighed, and stuck her face into her saddlebag, pulling out a fine chocolate bar and somehow unwrapping it using only her mouth.
Fniff shrugged and smiled. “Did you know there is a red algae in the Arctic that does just that? Isn’t the world great?” He then walked after Jeremy. After some corridors, some unlit, they were almost at the Back Hall.
“Right, I shall soon depart for Altstadt. I will let you in. Here is a map, I bid you good day.” He gave Fniff an old-looking map and wandered off into the darkness.
Tom thought So British it might create a black hole that has a deerstalker hat or something.
“Well, the picture didn’t lie.” Pinkie was peeking her head through the doorway. “Why does it have to be so deep in the castle, though? I would be much happier if they had just worked on the front hall and sealed the entire tunnel network with reinforced concrete.”
“Well, this castle was at a mad scientist’s auction. You have to keep up appearances, really. You could have an apartment in New York’s finest skyscraper, or you could be surrounded by a wolf-filled forest near a town that has not really changed from the 1600s with a giant castle that there probably isn’t an address for. Mad science is more of a question of belief that your theory works then just plain simple facts. The locales help.” Fniff said, waving his hand around in an explanatory manner.
“No offence to your profession, or your personal judgement for that matter,” Pinkie once again brought out her sugary-sweet voice, “but I think that any place that the majority of self-titled mad scientists avoids is probably not any place to live. I’m pretty sure that Celestia herself would think twice before staying here a night.”
“Ehhh... Actually, I think that I know why there isn’t much of a... well, buying thing for the whole castle and such.” Tom remembered Daniel’s book. “Apparently, the villagers tried to burn this castle down after Daniel escaped. I think the mad scientists are more wary of the villagers than the castle itself, but... it could be the castle that freaks them.”
“Oh dear...” Fniff actually began to think twice about buying the castle. “Hm. Not good... Idea. Anytime anyone asks, we are just a normal family. Who has mixed race in the most literal sense. Nothing to it, just pretend that the lightening that keeps striking the castle is just a coincidence.”
“Are you sure that the villagers won’t still be pissed at a human having a baby with some dirty pony?” Pinkie snorted at her thought. “Hopefully when they kill you, they won’t try to make me do menial labor.”
“They won’t kill me if I don’t get there first with my.... TEEEEEEEEEEEEESLAAAAAAAAAAAA COIL GUUUUUUUUUUN!” He yelled, echoing throughout the castle.
Meanwhile, centuries earlier...
Daniel screamed at the echo. It must have been someone being murdered, or tortured, or both... He switched off the lantern and climbed inside the cupboard. He waited there for what seemed like a century.
Then he went out.
Uuuuuuuun
“Oh, was that that weird coily thing? I thought it was a hair curler until it zapped me. Thought it was defective, so I threw it out.” Pinkie looked up at her hair, seemingly trying to recall what it had looked like straight and singed.
Fniff gave a shot of anger towards Pink, then sighed. “Price of marriage, I guess.” He muttered, and opened the door. He walked out, and grinned. “This is absolutely goddamn perfect.”
Tom realized he was quite tired. Very tired, in fact. “Hey, where is my bedroom?” He asked.
“I dunno, the rooms?” Fniff shrugged. He walked over to the fountain and looked at the water. “Plumbing. Gotta love plumbing.”
“Is it blood or rust?” Pinkie walked over, looking up in thought. “Or perhaps we just have muddy well water.”
Fniff noted the four options. Bloody, Mental Reflection, Pond, Regular. “There are options here for what it should be. I think the second one is like... that scene in a film where the hero sees something in the water relating to his past or something. Wonder why they put that in. These guys are true mad scientists, I mean wow! I’m not even that superfluous!”
“They have...options...” Pinkie stared in awe at the buttons. “Sweetie, can you buy a house in the nearby town? I’ll be sure to visit, but I’d really like to live somewhere other than here.”
“You gotta admit, the guy who made this had a cinematic outlook.” Tom pressed the pond button. It automatically turned into a greenish pond filled with lillies. He touched one of the lilles, which made patterns in the water and floated slightly.
“Wow. Mad scientists are so dumb.” Tom summarized.
“Not dumb, we have a scientific mind with poor judgement, and the mind of a 4 year old with ADHD.” Fniff replied, pointing to the sky like he was testing the wind.
“As for cinematic outlooks,” Pinkie looked around nervously, wondering what other insane contraptions there might be, “the only movie I can think up right now is horror.”
“Nonsense. I can think of plenty of films. Such as Frankenstein. And Young Frankenstein. And... All I can think of, sorry.” Fniff walked up the stairs. He then noticed some buttons on the banister. Escalator: On/Off
“They put an escalator in, honey.” Fniff said, smiling. “This is such a great castle...”
“The escalator’s probably boobie-trapped.” Pinkie laid down on the floor, misery marring her face. “Honestly, the last time I felt this bad was when I found Cupcakes.”
Tom walked up the stairs and looked around the top. “Master’s Bedroom, Guest Bedroom, Grand Bedroom, Impossible Bedroom and The One Room That Has A Computer Already Installed Into The Bed, The Desk and the Cupboard. Dibs on the Computer room.” Tom sighed happily. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to access computers at all.
“I don’t even want to imagine what Impossible Bedroom is supposed to mean.” Pinkie smirked. “Perhaps it’s designed to put impossible children in. I think that bedroom would work much better for you, Tom.”
“I’ll check!” Fniff said loudly and with a challenging tone of voice. He ran up the stairs and opened the door to the Impossible Room. “Oh. That’s disappointing. It’s just that everything is a polyhedron or a octosquare. I studied that in home economics, you cheap Impossible Room.” Fniff slammed the door.
“Huh. I was kinda hoping for something like the Amiaga Fault. That crazy manga.” Tom said, with an air of disappointment. “That, or just someone saying ‘Impossible geometry’ in a really hammy voice.”
“Oh, well. Honey, should we get the Master’s Bedroom or the Grand Bedroom?” Pinkie suddenly snapped, “Nevermind, let me look. You’ll probably pick the worse of the two.”
“Honey, that was two years ago and it was an okay hotel room. Just a little problem with demons and the room being alive. I mean, it was a pretty solid experience. I was pretty calm after a bit, and then boom. Didn’t see a thing, perfectly okay hotel room.” Fniff replied to Pinkie’s snap. “Also, who makes the money with his multiple science awards? Mad science awards at that?”
“All the more reason not to trust you.” Pinkie had finally made it up the stairs and moved toward the Master’s Bedroom door, peeking in and then moving through into the room.
It was a perfectly normal sleeping area. Three rooms, one for writing and such, the other with lots of cupboards and the last one was the bedroom, which had a lovely linen bed and a fireplace. Fniff wandered in.
“I should get my violin out, totally suit this atmosphere. Possibly my light jazz CD.” He held his hands behind his back, looking around. Yep, it had little to no mad science at all. Disappointing, but Pinkie probably wouldn’t like much mad science since it involved lots of very silly additions.
“Well, lets look at the other room before we make our final decision.” Pinkie proceeded out towards the Grand Bedroom.
Unlike the Master’s Bedroom, it had an incredibly massive amount of mad science, while keeping with the castle’s style. It seemed bigger, the windows showed random images instead of dark forest, the writing desk seemed to have a touch-screen interface and the entire sleeping quarters seemed to be the first hotel room in the SCP Hotel, which fortunately does not exist.
“No, honey, we are not using this room to sleep. Feel free to use it as your personal study though.” Pinkie turned around. “Anyway, I’m pretty tired, and much as I’d like to go see if that town has an inn, I’m too tired to walk that far. Guess I have to stay here for at least one night.”
Fniff sighed. “But the desk and the windows and the bigness and the little cute walls and the pictures... Can’t we.. Ah, forget it.” Fniff waved a dismissive hand and headed for the Master’s Bedroom.
“Make sure you shut the door this time,” Tom called. “I don’t need another reminder as to how exactly I was made.”
“The door was practically shut, it was a gust of wind!” Fniff called back to Tom, and closed the door.
“I know Tom probably gave you some bright spark or something, but not tonight, dear. I’m far too tired.” Pinkie collapsed on the bed, leaving her only movement the rise and fall of her chest.
Fniff smiled, laid his bags next to the door, and opened it. He walked out, and looked towards the door they had not opened. I think they said something about a... Inner Sanctum, He thought. I think I’ll be there for a while tonight.
End Of Episode One
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Topic: My Little Pony, Friendship Is Magic (Read 228674 times)