Fortieth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; Tuesday; the Cave of Caerbannog.“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” cries
Sir Feyman the Judging, in a dramatically low pitch!
“I will never forgive mysellllllllllllllllllllllllllf!” Flashes of Conchobar’s faithful merriness pass by in his mind as he watches aghast as
Sir Beadocáf acrobatically leaps through the air to the late knight’s hideous and hideously mutilated corpse, hand outstretched to grab
the Holy Crossbow of Beersheba, Renowned Slayer of the Green Dragon from its resting place on Sir Conchobar’s disgusting back.
"Conchobar! Ad perpetuam memoriam!” he cries, in slow motion,
"Let me be thine vessel of vengeance for this Thine Knighte, my Lord of Heavens! And let his spirit guide me when I let fly yon Bolte of Redemptious Justice upon yonder Nemesis! Mortui vivos doce-arggggg!"Sir Beadocáf’s outstretched hand flies into the
gaping maw of the Beast of Caerbannog [1]! The jaws fly shut! The hand is severed! The rabbit swallows it whole!
Wound Acquired: Right hand bitten off by a rabbit!
… … … … … …
Sir Keardwall seems to stand shocked into speechlessness for a moment by the sight of the gruesome death of the gruesome knight until suddenly time and vocal pitch both seem to regain a semblance of normality.
"Conchobar! No! What was I thinking? A one-legged manne cannot do sych a thinge as kicke! Blast my foolish exuberance! Have at thee, foul rodent! I shall make ye regret the day thy mother twitched her nose at thy father, if ‘ee was not a ‘amster! Your fluffy round tail shall decorate my banner as ye burn in Hell for all eternity! God give me strength to slay this beast!"Suddenly the red-faced Keardwall, inspired by Holy Fury, joins Sir Feyman and Fiddles the man-club in righteous and violent assault upon the evil doombunny. The rabbit-monster, sated on a diet of half a man and another’s fist, is slovenly and slow to react! Or so it seems! First Keardwall rains blow after blow down upon the beast with his great broadsword: but the rabbit raises a might paw to parry them away! He eats Sir Keardwall’s sword with one evil bite!
Item Lost: Broadsword!
Sir Feyman then encourages Sir Conchobar’s faithful Fiddles, his man-weapon, to avenge himself upon the evil rabbit, but he knows not how to fight! He attempts to smash the rabbit in twain by the method of falling straight upon him! The rabbit doth dodge!
Feyman is next in line to bring his God-Guided sword down upon the heathenly beast.
"Come on, Crannock! Strike up a merry tune that we slay this heathenly beast!"Oh God, oh no, what a terrible blow,
To see Sir Conchobar sent down below,
We shall not dwell: he was sent to Hell,
His face did look like it was squashed by a bell,
A terrible creature foul and Fell,
But he was OUR Brave Conchobar!
We'll smite the rabbit, we'll smite the beast!
We'll turn him into a lovely feast,
A pate, a soup, a paste, a broth,
We'll make that terrible fiend feel our wrath,
And avenge our Poor Conchobar!
Sometimes ones companions one can't pick,
And sometimes their faces make you physically sick,
But Conchobar he slew the Black Beast,
In bravery he was far from the least,
He split the Head in the Wood of Doom,
And now with battle we'll cheer our gloom,
We'll drink a barrel at the nearest bar,
After slaying this rabbit for old Conchobar,
Feyman kill kill KILL for Conchobaaaar!Feyman strikes the rabbit once! He strikes it twice! He doth crush its skull with the flat of his blade! Sir Feyman loses all sense of restraint, tormented as his mind is by the woe of loss! “
For Conchobaaaar!” he shouts as the Beast of Caerbannog is beaten to smithereens in righteous anger! A paste of rabbit is formed upon the very rock itself! A fine mist of blood fills the air as fluffy bunny fur rains down from the skies above them!
Sir Conchobar’s mortal remains are vandalised beyond all recognition in the brutal scene that accompanies the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog’s horrific yet righteous death [6]!Title Acquired: Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, Soiler of Underwear and Fiendish Smasher of the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog!… … … … … …
The three remaining knights take a moment to reflect: Keardwall takes a few deep breaths.
“Shit, Feyman,” he blurts out,
“Bloody hell.”
“Bloody hell,” Feyman replies, wiping rabbit blood off his face,
“Shit.”
“Fu-argggggg” joins in Beadocáf, wiping some of Sir Conchobar's liver out of his eye,
“That bloody rabbit bit my bloody hand off! The little shi- ooh, what’s that sound?”In the distance, deeper down into the Cave of Caerbannog, comes a gentle cry of distress.
“Help! Help!”Name: Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Destroyer of the Son of the Eel of Stafford, Terror of the West, Slayer of the Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom and Soiler of Armour.
Bio: So named for his rather unyielding demeanour towards his foes, and those of God and the King, Sir Keardwall the Stony was a natural choice for such a quest as this. Bearing a near-permanent frown, stout forehead and a square, manly beard, not to mention his well-kept armour, Sir Keardwell is the very picture of courage and skill-at-arms.
Enjoys fighting for King and Country, feasting heartily, and glaring stonily at those who cross him. Apart from his lance he wields a broadsword and a shield, upon which is displayed his family's crest, which involves a castle on a mountain guarded by a red dragon. He would never dream of refusing such a mission from his Lord, but of course the sorry state of his financial affairs offered an extra incentive to set out on this grand journey. After all, what born warrior would wish to be cooped up in a castle all day, counting tithes and taxes when he could be out doing great deeds?!
Traits Fearsome frown of fierceness, loud voice.
Retinue Member: Standard Bearer, Gertad Brownfoot. Old fellow who faithfully follows Sir Keardwall on his travels on a small pony, bearing the noble Knight's coat-of-arms for all to see. Always glad to recite a few of his Lord's deeds for any audience, he speaks sweeter still when his tongue is greased with alcohol. Gertad is currently away.
Chivalry: 3.
Arm Wrestles Won: 0/1.
Inventory: A spleen in a jar of pickled eggs, a lower leg in a jar of gherkins.
Wounds: No lower left leg.
Name: Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, Soiler of Underwear and Fiendish Smasher of the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.
Bio: Sir Feyman gladly accepts his role in any quests, but is always suspicious of the motives of his fellow questers. He likes to play music, but doesn't have the opportunity very often. He fights with swords, but doesn't get too attached to his equipment.
Retinue Members: Crannock the Minstrel.
Lost Members: Naughty Melga the Possible Witch.
Deceased Retinue Members: Maine the shy Minstrel. He usually followed Feyman around, blindly agreeing with him, even though he taught Feyman many things, including how to play music; Eric the Lutist, who bravely followed Sir Feyman for over an hour, only to be sliced in twain by the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh
Chivalry: 1.
Duels Won: 1/2.
Arms: 1/2.
Minstrels: 1/3.
Name: Sir Beadocáf Aethlearne the Rotund, Sacred Feller of the Tallest Tree on the Hillock of Fate.
Bio: A large man, both tall and wide, with long reddish hair and beard. As the shape of his body might give away, Beadocáf enjoys a good meal. And a good drink. And anything feast-related, really. Despite this affection, Beadocáf is also a rather pious man, spending a lot of his money on building churches on his land, and prefers to spare his fighting skills for when God calls upon them. His colours are red and gold, and his crest is an eagle carrying a cross. His weapon of choice is a long-shafted, knobbed mace, inscribed with the words Nutu Dei. Sometimes also called the Boar, or possible the Bore, Beadocáf is never quite sure which one people mean by it.
Lost Members: Godewine of Norwhyiche, an old friend and monk scholar who was witnessing his quest for chronicling purposes but fell to the temptations of spanking. Hagley the Squire, who joined Beadocáf to learn how to become a knight, but was instead flattened by the very man he sought to emulate.
Wounds Right hand bitten off by a rabbit.
Retinue Members: None.
Chivalry: 0.
Author
Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail! (Read 51076 times)