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Author Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail!  (Read 50814 times)

freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #210 on: November 01, 2011, 05:44:58 pm »

Sir Feyman smiles. "Keardwall, EXCELLENT work! At this rate, your full title will be a four-scroll masterpiece spoken of by legends when we're done with our adventure!

Sir Feyman follows the group wherever they go next.
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #211 on: November 02, 2011, 04:37:14 am »

Keardwall turns as Sir Beatacalf speaks, his craggy features thoughtful for a moment. "Yes... I suppose such could be a could idea, if I am to effectively continue on this quest. 'Tis not as important perhaps as mine swordarm, but still, a missing leg could cause problems."
Sir Keardwall shall allow this Godewine to see to his severed leg, but any signs of malpractice and he shall slap him in the face with the Holy Spleen!

To Sir Feyman, his expression remaining sober despite his companion's praise: "Aye, 'twould seem likely, though I do hope I shall have truly earnt such a grand title. Let us hope that these villagers shall remember me as a hero delivering them from evil, and not a monster just as bad as that I have slain this day!"

Once the doctorin' is finished, he shall insist upon a brief stop at the village tavern before they continue their quest, where he shall cheer himself up with a few tankards of the local brew, as well as buy drinks for any locals in the establisment.


(I just had to post to accept the ministrations of Godewine, and just look how I rambled. :-\ Also: wow, I really didn't expect the whole 'single combat with the terrifying deadly beast' to end well! :o In fact I thought I'd end up back on the wait list. Truly, Keardwall is badass!)
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #212 on: November 02, 2011, 05:17:36 am »

I really didn't expect the whole 'single combat with the terrifying deadly beast' to end well!

You were quite lucky on two dodges: the first where he would have chewed Keardwall's eye out at the beginning [5], and the second when he nearly bit his face off but he parried and sliced the Eel apart [6]. You did get off lightly, even with a missing knee: luckily it was only the Son and not a fully grown eel. Nevertheless, 'twas quite a feat of arms.

I'll try to update in a few hours.
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 27: The Pickled Leg.
« Reply #213 on: November 02, 2011, 07:53:36 am »

Twenty seventh turn!
England; the Dark Ages; the village of Stafford; five to the hour of the swallow.

As Sir Keardwall finishes battering the Son of the Eel of Stafford’s evil and cunning brains out upon a nearby rock, he wobbles for the briefest of seconds, and grunts in pain as he looks down upon his mangled limb.

"I think..." he mutters, mostly to himself, "I think that I shall need not one, but two new jars..."

He places his lower leg down on the watery mud by the riverside, sheaths his sword, and kneels to pray.

…   …   …   …   …   …

"Dear Lord above, I thank thee for granting me the strength to slay this beast, thus saving this long-suffering village from its clutches! Leg or no leg, I shall take this as a sign that I am to continue on this Holy Quest in thy name, and no matter how many limbs it may cost me, I shall have success! Amen!"

Just as he is about to rise, his companion Conchobar approaches from behind, and heartily slaps him on the back, nearly heartily enough to knock the one and a half legged knight to the floor! But not quite [5]!

"Well done, Keardwall! That feat has surely redeemed you in the eyes of all!"

"Keardwall, EXCELLENT work!” concurs the smiling Sir Feyman, “At this rate, your full title will be a four-scroll masterpiece spoken of by legends when we're done with our adventure!”

"Aye, 'twould seem likely,” modestly admits Keardwall, “Though I do hope I shall have truly earnt such a grand title. Let us hope that these villagers shall remember me as a hero delivering them from evil, and not a monster just as bad as that I have slain this day!"

Gritting his teeth to hide the pain of keeping his balance and of standing up, Keardwall rises to his feet, only to fall flat on his face in the mud [1]. He decides he will have to resort to misusing his blade, and props himself up with it as he gathers his lower leg and spleen in his left hand, keeping himself up with the sword in his right. He decides to head back to the village.

…   …   …   …   …   …

"I must find a jar or two, it seems. Then we shall continue onwards," says Keardwall to his companions, before turning to the old man and the hundreds of other villagers present, "I can only hope that the death of this foul creature has redeemed me somewhat in your eyes. But hear this," he declares, wearing his most impressive, powerful expression and looking off over the horizon, "from this day I shall not rest until I and my noble companions have recovered the Holy Grail, restoring the great King Arthur's power and extending his benevolent, God-Given rule to enhance the lives of all good villagefolk such as thyselves! I swear it!"

He has barely hopped two steps back towards the village when Sir Beadocáf Aethlearne interrupts his painful march.

"Knight Keardwall, stay thine course for a moment! Before we continue, let Godewine have a look at your wound. He is a scholar of many things, surely he can come up with a treatment."

"Yes... I suppose such could be a could idea,” admits Keardwall, “if I am to effectively continue on this quest. 'Tis not as important perhaps as mine swordarm, but still, a missing leg could cause problems."

As Feyman and Conchobar head with great haste towards the village inn with the olde man, Beadocáf ‘s faithful friend Godewine of Norwhyiche kneels down in the dirt beside Sir Keardwall, and examines his bloody knee while Keardwall holds his Holy Spleen at the ready, so as to be able to bash him about the head with it should any funny business occur. Godewine is able to staunch the bleeding, but it is beyond his surgical skill to replace the severed lower leg – although he tells a tale of a man he once knewe, who did replace his fallen limb with one made of woode and did march about upon it! Perhaps, Sir Keardwall, this could be considered if a suitable piece of woode doth be found in the future?

“Come, Keardwall,” speaks once more Beadocáf the Rotund, “Let us rejoin our companions, who are undoubtedly in the village tavern toasting your success. Let us join them and cheer up your stony visage! ‘Tis but a leg, after all!”

…   …   …   …   …   …

In the tavern of the village of Stafford, Keardwall enters with Beadocáf and sees Conchobar and Feyman chatting eagerly with the old man at the bar.

“Drinks for every villager present!” declares Keardwall, “Today we mourn not just a lower leg, but a noble peasant who I have unjustly slain. I hope in ridding yon village of this terrible evil, the Son of the Eel of Stafford, that I have in some small measure made up for this unchivalrous error.”

When he is done speaking, Conchobar turns to him and Beadocáf, his face slightly grey and his voice surprisingly low.

“Brothers,” he gruesomely whispers, “drink your fill this night, for on the morrow we must set forth. We must travel to the Cave of Caerbannog: and first we must cross the Wood of Doom! Whilst ye have been doctoring the olde man hath been regaling us with many a tale of the knights who have entered these foul woods, and who have never come out…”

…   …   …   …   …   …

England; the Dark Ages; the village of Stafford; the next day.

After a joyous evening, during which both the spleen and the lower leg of the valiant Keardwall found their way into well made jars of pickling ingredients, the brave four knights awaken to the sound of crowing cockerels and bustling villagers going about their daily business free from the terror of the tyrannical eel. Mud is being farmed at an astonishing speed; peasants are singing as they work. Somewhere in a doorway lies an innocent but now forgotten corpse – for the life of a peasant is cheap – and somewhere in the village sounds a large and ancient drum, beaten upon to give the harvesters their traditional spring rhythm to work to. The morning sun shines, the sky is free of clouds: all is as a new beginning for the once oppressed village.

The magnificent four set forth to the honeyed sound of Crannock’s pleasant voice.

…   …   …   …   …   …


Sir Keardwall he did lose a limb,
But at least the Eel did not vanquish him,
He strove, he fought, he wrestled, he diced,
The Eel flew at him but then he sliced,
Oh brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Keardwall!

The undead fiend did bite off his knee,
Or at least it has been told thusly to me:
I could not watch nor steal a glance,
I could not bear to risk the chance,
Of seeing such a gruesome sight,
Lest I bring back up my meal from last night;
Oh brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Keardwall!

He freed a village from being oppressed,
And has every right to feel slightly depressed:
He lost his spleen first to the French,
And then gave his castle to an ungrateful wench,
He lost his leg to a terrible eel,
But never once did his fear he reveal;
Oh brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Keardwall!


…   …   …   …   …   …


England; the Dark Ages; the Wood of Doom; later the same day.

Not for the first time in their Holy Quest, the four knights find themselves travelling on foot along the sinewy paths that crisscross a dark and foreboding forest. ‘Tis the Wood of Doom in which they march, a Wood which has claimed many a life of many a knight! Shafts of sunlight pierce the dense canopy of tightly packed trees and the path wends first this way and then that, squelching slightly underfoot in the damp ground beneath. Crannock the Minstrel has long since fallen silent, the oppressive atmosphere and the mouldy air sapping his will to express the joy of life through the medium of song. He hums miserably and quietly to himself, hoping for some new questly event to come along for him to turn into legend. Suddenly…

“HALT!”

The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight, the fiercest creature for yards about, hath spoken! It towers above yon Knights of the Round Table!

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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 27: The Pickled Leg.
« Reply #214 on: November 02, 2011, 10:30:19 am »

"Foolish abomination, we outnumber your heads at a rate of... Uhh... Um... At least four to one!" Sir Conchobar hoists Fiddles into the air and glares with his ugly face. "What say ye, fiend?!"
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 27: The Pickled Leg.
« Reply #215 on: November 02, 2011, 04:09:03 pm »

Sir Keardwall's mighty brows arc together into a fearsome, hairy frown as he supports Sir Conchobar, but his teeth are not bared in a snarl, oh no, indeed he snorts with laughter!
"You are the dreaded Three-Headed Knight of yon Wood of Doom?! You are the fiercest creature for yards around?! Pfah! How many yards do I stand away from ye?" He squints at the forest floor between he and the creature for a moment, before looking back, stony features showing derision,
"Looks to me to be about... Twenty or so yards. So then I suppose that makes you the fiercest creature for nineteen yards about!"

With that taunt sent on its way, Sir Keardwall shall attempt to glare the beast into submission, balancing on one leg with various jars of pickled body parts cradled in one arm, the other hand resting on the hilt of his sword.
"Surrender in the name of King Arthur, and perhaps we shall make like merciful God and forgive the sight of thy ugly heads and let them remain attached to thy shoulders!"
« Last Edit: November 02, 2011, 04:12:33 pm by Yoink »
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scriver

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 27: The Pickled Leg.
« Reply #216 on: November 04, 2011, 05:57:59 am »

Baedocáf glares at the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight, then proudly proclaims: "Nay, I say, we are the Chosen Knight-Errants of King Arthur and the Lord, and we halt for none but the righteous! If thou - or ye - art insistent on standing in our way, I believe this matter must be solved by Holy Trial by Combat, whereby God will favour the Knight in Right!"

He pauses, for a moment, studying the three-headed robber knight in front of them. "However, it would be a mockery of God's Justice to allow one man with the wit of three to face only one of us. Therefore, I put forth that each and one of your heads shall face one of our fellowship in turn. Of course, to ensure thou dost not cheat, the two of your heads that are nay in battle must be knocked out. After the first duel is over, the next head will be awoken and have it's turn. I, as a Servant of God, nominate myself as Nonpartisan Referee and Arbiter, to make sure it is all Fair according to God's Will. Now, if you agree to these Terms of Most Valorous and Knightly Wager of Battle, I adjure you thee to choose which one of thine heads to be the first Champion, so that I may knock the two others out with Mine Mace and Holy Fist of God."


((Because why do battle of arms when a battle of wits is so much more fun? :D))
« Last Edit: November 04, 2011, 06:10:26 am by scriver »
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Love, scriver~

freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 27: The Pickled Leg.
« Reply #217 on: November 04, 2011, 08:22:53 am »

How do I remember action.

Feyman raises and lowers his eyebrows in the general direction of the EEEVIL three headed knight several times before speaking.

"Listen buddy. You're not the first roadblock in our quest for the Legitimately Holy Grail, and you won't be the last. This arm here? This arm was lost on scarier foes than thou. I suggest you move over and let us pass!"
« Last Edit: November 04, 2011, 10:47:43 am by freeformschooler »
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #218 on: November 04, 2011, 10:50:32 am »

Twenty eighth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; the Wood of Doom; nearly lunchtime.

Though their loyal retainers trembleth before the mighty Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom, the four brave knights trembleth not! They stand tall and defiant before the evil monstrosity that blocks their path. Side by side with Sir Conchobar, Keardwall is surprisingly the first to speak as a fearsome hairy frown adorns his derisive face.

"You are the dreaded Three-Headed Knight of yon Wood of Doom?! You are the fiercest creature for yards around?! Pfah! How many yards do I stand away from ye?" The squinting Keardwall measures the forest floor between him and the creature for a moment before snorting out a laughing conclusion.

"Looks to me to be about... Twenty or so yards. So then I suppose that makes you the fiercest creature for nineteen yards around!"

Viciously taunting the unfortunate beast, the former Lord of Castle Lombard attempts to glare the beast into submission whilst cradling his Exterior Spleen of Omnitruth and his Jarred Leg of Imbalance in his left hand. With the right hand on his sword hilt he lays out his demands.

"Surrender in the name of King Arthur, and perhaps we shall make like merciful God and forgive the sight of thy ugly heads and let them remain attached to thy shoulders!"

Although three heads means three pairs of eyes to receive this fearsome glare the Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom submits not [3]! Indeed, three heads here in fact seems to mean three great mouths with which to laugh and to bellow three hearty “No!”s.

…   …   …   …   …   …

The music loving Feyman then steps forward, frenziedly manipulating his manly eyebrows.

"Listen buddy. You're not the first roadblock in our quest for the Legitimately Holy Grail, and you won't be the last. This arm here? This arm was lost on scarier foes than thou. I suggest you move over and let us pass!"

“Foes scarier than I? Er, than us? That cannot be! The Holy Grail? I care n- er we care not for such trifling matters! You cannot threaten us with your manic eyebrows and your missing arm! You cannot pass! ‘T’would be easier for a rotund man to pass through the eye of a herring than for a mere knight to pass through the Wood of Doom in which we stand guard!”

…   …   …   …   …   …

After another failed attempt at submission [3], it is left to the fearsomely gruesome Sir Conchobar, Piercer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh lest we forget, to glare uglily at the three mighty heads. He wields Fiddles at the Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom, summoning all his disgusting ugliness as hard as he can.

"Foolish abomination, we outnumber your heads at a rate of... Uhh... Um... At least four to one! What say ye, fiend?!"

“Pfah! You threaten us [6], knight? Then let us fight! Show us our foolishness, if you so believe it to be so! Fight us in single combat! Fight us or halt!”

Seeing his companion hastily begin to ready Fiddles for battle, Sir Beadocáf steps forth, glancing at the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight before proudly proclaiming:

"Nay, I say, we are the Chosen Knights-Errant of King Arthur and the Lord, and we halt for none but the righteous! If thou - or ye - art insistent on standing in our way, I believe this matter must certainly be solved by Holy Trial by Combat, whereby God will favour the Knight in Right!" Beadocáf pauses to study the three-headed robber knight before him.

"However, it would be a mockery of God's Justice to allow one man with the wit of three to face only one of us as you propose. Therefore, I put forth that each and every one of your heads shall face one of our fellowship in turn. Of course, to ensure thou dost not cheat, the two of your heads that are nay in battle must be knocked out. After the first duel is over, the next head will be awoken and have its turn. I, as a Servant of God, nominate myself as Nonpartisan Referee and Arbiter, to make sure it is all Faire according to God's Will. Now, if you agree to these Terms of Most Valorous and Knightly Wager of Battle, I adjure you to choose which one of thine heads to be the first Champion, so that I may knock the two others out with Mine Mace and Holy Fist of God."

The mighty Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom agrees [6]!

“But! As it is now yon party that is the challenger, and your terms that we accept, it is we that shall choose the weapon! And we pick… an item from yon fruit basket!” The mighty Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom motions towards a hitherto unnoticed and tastefully arranged fruit basket positioned on a nearby tree stump.

Choose your first challenger, and choose your first fruit! Ye shall not pass, with honour or without! Our centre head shall fight first: and shall choose a prune! Beware!

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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #219 on: November 04, 2011, 10:56:41 am »

Sir Feyman grinned outwardly, but inwardly ground his teeth as he knew Keardwall BEATACALF just set this up so that he would not have to fight. He stepped forward.

"I shall challenge the center head! And for my fruit, my weapon of choice, I shall choose the very most deadly fruit of all..."

He then reached into the fruit basket, and plucked out the spiniest, scariest fruitweapon he could find:

"A pineapple!"
« Last Edit: November 04, 2011, 07:41:20 pm by freeformschooler »
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Taricus

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #220 on: November 04, 2011, 10:59:01 am »

Use the self defense against fruit! just kill him!
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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #221 on: November 04, 2011, 11:06:02 am »

Use the self defense against fruit! just kill him!

IT IS ONLY HONORABLE TO FIGHT DUEDLY FRUITARMS WITH DUEDLY FRUITARMS.

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Zako

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #222 on: November 04, 2011, 12:41:23 pm »

My god, YES. Just YES.
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #223 on: November 04, 2011, 02:24:51 pm »

Sir Keardwall looked puzzled, indeed almost offended as he watched the proceedings, at length saying, "...Fruit? We shall fight with fruit?!"
He patted one palm on the trusty sword sheathed at his side, staring in disbelief as Sir Feyman approached the challenger(s). "Why, this is madness! Whomsoever heard of something so ridiculous as a Knightly Trial by fruit?" He addresses the three-headed foe, "Are ye too much of a coward to face us blade-to-blade, knowing that ye would end such a contest with thy head count decreased by not one, nor two, but three?"

Sir Keardwall's craggy features twitch, into something that could possibly be a smirk, and he stepshops fowards to offer some useless advice to Sir Feyman on the upcoming fruit battle, seeing as he is an expert in all forms of martial combat, including (but not limited to) cleaving foes with his sword, punching dirty foreigners into walls, and of course toppling armies with pieces of fruit.

"Ah yes, the pineapple! Good choice, Sir Feyman! Now, wielding such a grand fruit, I suggest thou does attempt to hold it by the green scraggly bit," He gestures to the leaves of the pineapple, "Then swing, and bash yon fiend over the center head with it." 
With that he nods sobrely to Sir Feyman, wishes him good luck and walkshops back to re-join the others with his jars. Regardless of Sir Feyman's victory or defeat, Sir Keardwall stands ready to challenge the next head, and as such he shall open the jar holding his dearly departed left leg, reach within and fish out a gherkin, its combat capabilities doubtless enchanced by its close proximity to his flesh. He turns to ask Sir Beatacalf, quietly and discreetly with a thoughtful frown, "Tell me, doth a gherkin count as a fruit or a vegetable?"


(And yeah, this should be epic! 'Pineapple, I choose you!' :D )
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Booze is Life for Yoink

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you need to reconsider your life
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 28: The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight!
« Reply #224 on: November 04, 2011, 02:39:36 pm »

Sir Conchobar strokes his chin and chooses his weapon, holding it up triumphantly.
"DURIAN! THE KING OF FRUIT!!!"
He then wandered off to look for some small animals to practice on.
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