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Author Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail!  (Read 50733 times)

Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Eight: Prepare the Trebuchet!
« Reply #90 on: October 18, 2011, 08:16:45 am »

There is no way this could end badly. :P Also, any attempts to title Sir Keardwall as the Long-Winded shall be met with a good telling-off. And a sword to the head.

Let's see if some waitlisters finally get shuffled in this turn, eh?!

Edit: Whooops, sorry, made a new page. Damnit!  :-[
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #91 on: October 18, 2011, 10:10:24 am »

Ninth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; Castle Lombard; shortly after the hour of the toad.

"Doctors are for weaklings" Maynard would say if conscious, but he is not, you might be able to sneak a bit of doctoring in there if you do not tell him

Sir Meynard the Sure lies blasted upon the windswept heath, his leg all mangled and his mind all elsewhere, his body still and silent before the worried Maddy, Professional Falcon Handler. Maddy thinks that perhaps he should call for a doctor to attend to his master’s mangled leg; alas: for he cannot find one outside the castle walls [2]. He tears some strips from his woolen shirt and attempts to bandage the wounds, but as he pushes a bone back into the lower leg area, the pain awakens Sir Meynard in a spasm of fury: he strikes Maddy full upon the face, rendering him unconscious!

Wound Acquired! Broken leg!

Sir Keardwall, not about to let the foul deeds of these frenchmen go without a good solid tongue-lash, holds one restraining arm before Sir Conchobar as he stares down the enemy from where they stand, just inside the castle.
With that out of the way, he shall chaaaaarge, sword swinging to end their pitiful existences and send them screaming to the afterlife! There shall be no mercy for these blasphemers!

Staring hard at the enemy, Sir Keardwall restrains his companion Conchobar before launching into a long winded but noble speech on the subject of his awful enemies’ impending demise.

"You mangy curs! You feeble-minded vinegar-swilling dogs! You have spat upon all that is good and Holy, bared your unworthy buttocks towards God himself, and damned yourselves to an eternity in a place darker than night and more swelteringly hot than a Jerusalem Tavern! Make your peace with God, for shortly you shall meet Him! ...Tell Him Sir Alan Keardwall said he-!"

Before Sir Keardwall can fully finish, the Frenchtypes charge! [init vs Frenchtypes 2 vs 5]

The great castle doors are large enough to fight fully four men abreast, and thusly do the Frenchmen fight: two with halberds storm directly at Sir Keardwall. One trips and impales his halberd in the ground, disarming himself and straining his left wrist quite severely! The second strikes a vicious blow that Sir Keardwall cannot dodge! It bounces off his shining armour!

“-llo, I was going to say, you blasted fiends!” finishes Sir Keardwall the Stony and Verbose, Defeater of Bandits, “Blast you!”

He sets about the armed man first, raising his sword for an almighty blow [1]. It gets stuck in the top of the doorframe! He is disarmed! As the other Frenchman wrestles with his halberd, trying to drag it free out of the ground, Sir Keardwall offers him a hearty punch with his armoured gauntlet, knocking him to the floor [5].

Sir Conchobar begins the cleaving of the frenchmen, allowing them to get a full view of the face of the man that will end them.

Whilst chafing at the Keardwall-imposed bit, Sir Conchobar has time to reveal his gruesomeness, and lifts his visor just as the enemy doth charge. They reach him before he readies his man-weapon Fiddles, and neither sees his face in time to be repulsed! [init vs French men-at-arms 2 vs 4] [physical repulsion rolls 1, 3]. The first Frenchman lays about Sir Conchobar with his sword: he strikes a grievous blow! The brave knight tries to dodge, but is weighed down by his mighty weapon: his finger is sliced apart! The second Frenchman continues the unrelenting assault, and tries to bash the momentarily discouraged Sir Conchobar with his shield. He strikes Conchobar in the face! The shield shatters!

It is now the turn of the brave Knight of Camelot to reassert the rightful nature of things: he swings Fiddles about him in a doomly circle, striking the first French soldier with all his force! He ducks! But the fearsome weapon flies on, battering into the second Frenchman [6], sending him flying into the ranks of the soldiers behind, leaving one stunned and another mortally crushed. The second Frenchman’s spine is split! He is struck down! There are two disarmed and two armed French men-at-arms left holding out in the castle entrance; they look appalled.

Wound Acquired! Sliced Apart Finger!

Sir Feyman would pretend to be the best of cows, being led out to the market! This ruse not need to last long. And, once at the market, he could escape, and perhaps inquire about the REAL grail! It seems unlikely the French would store a replica if they had the real thing...

Busy pretending to be a cow in the hope of being led to market and freedom, Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight moos gently inside the castle as a French artillery operator lead him away with the other cattle and geese. He is veritably a convincing beast [6]. Not terribly knowledgeable in the ways of farming – he was, after all, a grand landowner, not a landworker – Sir Feyman lets himself be led into the small basket-like container that is attached so some sort of pulley system. One supposes they must have some way of measuring the weight and the worth of cattle before they are sold, he muses to himself, interested in the intricacies of an industry he has never had the occasion to see at close hand. He gently moos.

“Prepare the trebuchet for firing at the besieging English cochon-chiens!” he hears, from within the warm comfort of his cowsuit, amongst the other bustle of war breaking out in the castle courtyard. He waits to be led away to market.

Suddenly there is a loud twannnnnnnnnng, and he realises with a jolt of apprehension that he has become airborne! He has been launched over the castle walls! With a worried and drawn out moo, he flies through the air, aimed with expertise at the besieging English forces which adorn the castle grounds outside. The stricken Sir Meynard the Sure watches in horror from his prone position, seeing the dastardly French resort to flinging cattle at the brave English! He watches in horror as the aforementioned cattle approaches! He cringes in terror as the flying cow blocks out the sun! His loud shouts awaken the unconscious Maddy, who stumbles to his feet, and cringes in fright himself as he turns to see the approaching cow.

Sir Meynard gasps in shock as the airborne bovine ceases to be airborne, and lands upon the hapless Maddy! Maddy’s liver is crushed! His pancreas is punctured! He is struck down!

Sir Meynard trembles in pain and grief as the lifeless Maddy collapses upon his mangled leg!

Inside his cowsuit, Sir Feyman moos in quiet and lightly stunned confusion.

Sir Meynard: Retainer Lost! Maddy the Falcon Handler has been struck down!




« Last Edit: October 18, 2011, 02:01:02 pm by lawastooshort »
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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #92 on: October 18, 2011, 10:19:43 am »

Decide this is not the ideal time to reveal myself from my cowsuit. Moo lightly and sneak inside the castle again while its best warriors are off fighting with my fello knights!
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Ultimuh

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #93 on: October 18, 2011, 11:07:12 am »

Should you not change the retainer status to 0/1?
« Last Edit: October 18, 2011, 03:30:53 pm by Ultimuh »
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #94 on: October 18, 2011, 02:01:43 pm »

Perform a sweeping roundhouse kick followed by a downward smash. Insult their mothers with most vulgar of words as well.
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #95 on: October 18, 2011, 04:29:50 pm »

Well, I'm pretty sure the fellow with the stuck-in-ground halberd is still alive, so...

"Interrupt me with a blade whilst I'm speaking, will ye?! I shall tear ye limb from limb!"
Sir Keardwall, apopleptic at being interrupted during such a grand (to him) speech, shall set upon the frenchman he just knocked down and do just that, grasping him by the wrists and plucking his arms from the sockets like two (admittedly strangely-shaped) swords from a stone, in homage to his revered King!
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wolfchild

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Nine: Combat at the Gatehouse!
« Reply #96 on: October 18, 2011, 04:44:47 pm »

Meynard ignores his pain and rips the cow appart
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #97 on: October 19, 2011, 03:08:19 am »

Tenth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; Castle Lombard; less shortly after the hour of the toad.


Meynard ignores his pain and rips the cow apart

Lying battered upon the floor, the shock of his loss provides Sir Meynard with the strength of mind and body needed to surmount the cruel blow of the broken leg and crushed retainer, and react as any man might, given the situation. He sets about the cow! He attempts to rip the cow apart!. He applies an esoteric form of wrestling hold not much seen in the Christian West, and brings the cow down upon the floor! He pulls off the tail! He knees it in the chest with his unbroken leg; he elbows it in the chin. He attempts to rip off the head! It comes off in his hands! The cow’s skinless skull appears in the form of a knight! Sir Feyman is revealed!

Sir Meynard is a little unsure of his own eyes, and pauses for the briefest of seconds: but it is enough for the man-cow to escape [4].

Wound Still Acquired! Broken leg!

Decide this is not the ideal time to reveal myself from my cowsuit. Moo lightly and sneak inside the castle again while its best warriors are off fighting with my fello knights!

As Sir Feyman attempts to discretely flee the murder scene, he is suddenly set upon by the frothing Meynard, outrageously strong given his appalling injury. Sir Feyman resists the best he can, but is somewhat constrained in his fighting prowess by the presence of the cowsuit, and his vision is impeded. He is kneed firmly in the stomach! He feels a little winded, and then, in a flash, the dusklit world is revealed to him in full! His cow’s head is removed!

Seizing the initiative and taking advantage of the resulting confusion, he makes good his escape, fleeing the crippled Sir Meynard as fast as the cowsuit permits, still mooing lightly to make up for his exposed head, and sneaking as best as he can past the combat unfolding in the castle gatehouse.

He finds himself once more in the castle courtyard [3]. The dozen Frenchmen milling about stare in undisguised surprise.

"Interrupt me with a blade whilst I'm speaking, will ye?! I shall tear ye limb from limb!"
Sir Keardwall, apoplectic at being interrupted during such a grand (to him) speech, shall set upon the Frenchman he just knocked down and do just that, grasping him by the wrists and plucking his arms from the sockets like two (admittedly strangely-shaped) swords from a stone, in homage to his revered King!


Transported by indignant inspiration and wishing to produce a work which would reference his revered King Arthur, Sir Keardwall the Speechmaker sets about the insolent Frenchman who interrupted his speech and is now tugging furiously at the halberd he so incompetently stuck into the gatehouse floor. Sir Keardwall grasps the Frenchman’s wrists! He pulls with all his might! He pulls with such majestic might that the Frenchman is split apart! A shower of blood graffitis the gatehouse walls in an impressionistic oeuvre that could, if one squints, be interpreted to depict a stone, wherein has been thrust a sword [6].

The Frenchman is struck down! Considerable mess is created! A man-cow sneaks past!

Perform a sweeping roundhouse kick followed by a downward smash. Insult their mothers with most vulgar of words as well.

Spattered by blood and kidneys, Sir Conchobar faces the three French men-at-arms left defending the castle entrance after Sir Keardwall’s indulgent display of horrific violence. His knightly training serves him well; taking advantage of the distraction offered by a passing man-cow he strikes before any can react; he insults their mothers! He performs a sweeping roundhouse kick, forcing back the first two foes and shattering the shins of the third! He bleeds to death! He is struck down [6]!

“And your mother smells like the sweaty crotches of a thousand broken camels, you miserable swine!”

He lets loose a downward smash with Fiddles the man-club upon the unfortunate first Frenchman. He lays stunned upon the floor!

“I would rather be savaged by a mountain goat than so much as set one eye upon thy hideous mother’s deformed visage, so fearsomely foul are her festering features!”

He stares at the last survivor.

“Your pestilent ’mère’ has the intellect of single drop of toegrease, and the reputation of a – Hey! Come back! I haven’t finished! Damn.”

The Frenchman has fled! The gatehouse is taken! The brave knights are, thus far, victorious!

Wound Still Acquired! Sliced Apart Finger!

Title Acquired! Insulter of Mothers!

Sir Keardwall and Sir Conchobar: Chivalry Increased! Magnificent feat of arms!





edit: Slightly changed the title acronym.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2011, 03:36:35 am by lawastooshort »
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #98 on: October 19, 2011, 03:28:29 am »

"Ah, you see, you have to really glare, freeze the yellow cowards in place long enough that you can speak and smite!
'Twas a good try, nonetheless. Rather creative use of our grand language."
So says Sir Keardwall the Stony, giving Sir Conchobar a few pointers on glaring and bellowing, wiping a splatter of gore from his face with the back of a gauntlet. Then, it is time to press on! He shall tug his broadsword from its newly-acquired roost in the doorframe, and make ready to take the fight to these Frenchmen.

"So, Sir Conchobar, are ye ready to show these vomitous foreign curs the true might of English Steel? I am unsure where our companions have gotten to, however. Ah well, I imagine we shall be sufficient. I'll take the thirty-eight armed with heavy chain and spears, you take the deaf-mute fellow on the chamberpot with an upset stomach. Sound about a fair split? If you want, of course, I am sure I could handle him, also."
Sir Keardwall grins fiercely as he unstraps his shield from his back, proudly displaying the Keardwall family crest, which involves a stout, stony castle on a hill, with a very cross-looking red dragon guarding it.
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wolfchild

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #99 on: October 19, 2011, 04:01:56 am »

"Growl! Froth! Roar!, Meynard charges after the fleeing cow" My character is probably going to die soon
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #100 on: October 19, 2011, 04:06:06 am »

I am so surprised tearing someone limb-from-limb worked out. Best time to roll a six...? :P
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #101 on: October 19, 2011, 06:13:37 am »

"Aye, let us take the fight to the enemy!"
Sir Conchobar advances with Sir Keardwall, attempting to stifle the bleeding finger as well.
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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Ten: Demasking of a Cow!
« Reply #102 on: October 19, 2011, 07:47:30 am »

Run a different direction! Again! Perhaps to the bottom levels of the castle? Curses, deja vu!
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Eleven: Calamity in the Courtyard!
« Reply #103 on: October 19, 2011, 08:31:34 am »

Eleventh turn! (calamity in the courtyard)
England; the Dark Ages; Castle Lombard; closer to the hour of the ram than the hour of the toad.


"Ah, you see, you have to really glare, freeze the yellow cowards in place long enough that you can speak and smite!
'Twas a good try, nonetheless. Rather creative use of our grand language."
So says Sir Keardwall the Stony, giving Sir Conchobar a few pointers on glaring and bellowing, wiping a splatter of gore from his face with the back of a gauntlet. Then, it is time to press on! He shall tug his broadsword from its newly-acquired roost in the doorframe, and make ready to take the fight to these Frenchmen.

"So, Sir Conchobar, are ye ready to show these vomitous foreign curs the true might of English Steel? I am unsure where our companions have gotten to, however. Ah well, I imagine we shall be sufficient. I'll take the thirty-eight armed with heavy chain and spears, you take the deaf-mute fellow on the chamberpot with an upset stomach. Sound about a fair split? If you want, of course, I am sure I could handle him, also."
Sir Keardwall grins fiercely as he unstraps his shield from his back, proudly displaying the Keardwall family crest, which involves a stout, stony castle on a hill, with a very cross-looking red dragon guarding it.

Sir Keardwall thus bravely spake; and now he grabs his sword and straps his shield to his arm and bravely charges! Some three dozen French spearmen oppose him, but he fearlessly advances upon them [init vs French: 3 vs 2]. He bashes one in the face with his shield: he is knocked flat, unconscious on the muddy ground. He swords one in the arm with his blade: it is cut off, flying into the waiting mass of men. He kicks one in the groin with his armoured boot: he doubles over, writhing in pain!

Yet despite their losses the French press on, outnumbering our heroic knight some thirty-five to one! Three venture forth faster than their comrades: one thrusts at Sir Keardwall with the tip of his spear. He dodges like a nimble fish! One swings with his spearhaft at Sir Keardwall’s head. He loses his balance and stuns his own comrade! One strikes true with his sharp spear’s head: he severs Sir Keardwall’s spleen! He is knocked down!

Wound Acquired Severed spleen! Heavy bleeding!

Chivalry Increased! Foolishly brave.

"Aye, let us take the fight to the enemy!"
Sir Conchobar advances with Sir Keardwall, attempting to stifle the bleeding finger as well.


Sir Conchobar the Gruesome, Insulter of Mothers, follows Sir Keardwall the Overly Brave into the swirling melee in the castle courtyard whilst attempting to stop his finger bleeding [6]. He heals his wound but is so distracted he charges straight through the melee! He charges directly into a deaf-mute defecating on a chamber pot! The sick-looking deaf-mute rises and draws his sword, but too late; Sir Conchobar swings his devilish man-weapon at him. He swings so hard he trips! He falls onto the floor: his face doth land in the chamber pot! He is soiled by the Frenchman’s defecation! The pot is stuck fast upon his head!

The deaf-mute sees his chance and seizes it. He flees.

Item Acquired! Chamber pot.

"Growl! Froth! Roar!, Meynard charges after the fleeing cow"

Growling at the cow and frothing at the mouth before the castle walls, Sir Meynard roars in repulsion and charges after his fleeing bovine foe! Alas! His broken leg hinders him greatly, but using his great warhammer as a crutch he manages just about to make his way into the castle courtyard. He looks about him but sees not the deadly flying cow: he sees instead a brutal scene of horrible hand-to-hand fighting!

He is swiftly surrounded by fighting Frenchmen, who break off from stabbing Sir Keardwall to painful death to pursue their new-found hobby on a fresh English knight [1].

A vicious looking trio approach! They all wield spears with the expert handling of veterans of many and bloody battles, and they thrust them at Sir Meynard’s wounded body. Sir Meynard raises his trusty Drakhen to defend himself! He falls upon the ground! As he lies prostrate before them the Frenchmen strike: one spear snaps on his sturdy helmet, another he swats aside with his armoured gauntlet. But the third is aimed straight at his dainty heart, and he dodges it with a mobility surprising to all about: he leaps into the air with his one good leg; he vaults the assaulting French! He smashes the stabber in the back; he knocks out his knavish lungs! The Frenchman is struck down! The other two turn in a flash to face the fiendish Meynard, Defier of Grievous Leg Wounds.

Wound Still Acquired! Broken leg!

Title Acquired! Defier of Grievous Leg Wounds

Run a different direction! Again! Perhaps to the bottom levels of the castle? Curses, deja vu!

Sir Feyman the Cow-man flees through the castle in a different direction: both from the feisty French and the malicious-intented Meynard, slaloming through the battlefield with but his head protruding from his cow-disguise. He quickly loses the Englishman, who is surrounded by the enemy and disappears from view, and continues galloping through the courtyard until he is able to duck into a door on the other side [opposed roll vs wolfchild: 5 vs 1]. He finds himself in a winding staircase, which he starts descending. No one seems to have followed him down [4].




« Last Edit: October 19, 2011, 08:41:27 am by lawastooshort »
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wolfchild

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn Eleven: Calamity in the Courtyard!
« Reply #104 on: October 19, 2011, 08:34:47 am »

Meynard has a hammer, not a sword

Meynard swings his hammer in a wide arc, attempting to brutalise his foes, or at least break their weapons
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