Fifty second turn!
England; the Dark Ages; Thursday lunchtime; L’Isle de L’Homard.“Onwards, men!” cries
Sir Beadocáf, rallying the knights on the Plage de l’Homard.
“Oh, hang about, my nose appears to be smashed. Hold on men!” corrects Sir Beadocáf,
“My nose appears to be smashed! Can’t go into battle with a smashed nose, what?”
“No, I say, that wouldn’t do at all, Sir Beatac-arrrrg!”Beadocáf draws his knobbed mace to rectify the problem, and delivers a mighty smash to the back of his head! He misses! He smashes Sir Feyman’s face!
Wound Acquired: Sir Feyman: Re-smashed Face! (Ye face is covered in blood! -1 to seeing until it is cleaned off!)
“Oh, terribly sorry old bean, didn’t see you there underneath me. I’m quite rotund you know. Here, allow me to fix that.”Beadocáf swings his knobbed mace to rectify the problem, and delivers a mighty smash to the back of Sir Feyman’s head! He misses! He hits the back of his own head! The force unsmashes Sir Beadocáf’s nose out of his face! His left eye pops out!
Wound Healed: Sir Beadocáf: Nose Unsmashed!
Wound Acquired: Sir Beadocáf: Left Eye Popped Out! (Thine aiming is affected! -1 to aiming until it is popped back in!)
“Oh bloody hell,” continues Beadocáf,
“Well, I should probably just get up. Or shall we have another group hug?”
“No no, Sir Beatacough,” strains
Feyman, beginning to feel quite uncomfortable under his portly companion,
“I think ‘t’would be best to get on our wa-arrgh!”Feyman passes out from the weight!
Wound Acquired: Sir Feyman: Squashed Unconscious!
… … … … … …
Strapping his leg to his back,
Sir Ethlehed pulls himself up a few feet away, and walks over to the pair of crutches lying about conveniently by the beach. Alas! He has but one leg! He falls!
Wound Acquired: Sir Ethlehed: Re-smashed Face! (Yon face is smeared all over with blood! -1 to seeing until it is wiped away!)
… … … … … …
The merry cohort make their way overland, walking and hobbling the short distance along the water’s edge towards the great castle, with
Sir Uriel heroically carrying the unconscious, bleeding and mumbling Sir Feyman on his back, despite his Smashed Kidney.
"Damn it, Beatacough!” mumbles Feyman,
“Onwards we go... to the eel pond… careful now…"… … … … … …
The vast and looming stone walls of the castle approach; Castle L’Homard, last known resting place of the Holy Grail, stands tall and majestic before the four Knights of the Round Table. They look up at the rising and awesome fortifications blocking their way.
“Chaaaaarge!” commences
Sir Uriel, heroically,
“For God and King Arthurrrrrr!!”He throws Sir Feyman to the ground! The impact smashes his face!
Wound Acquired: Sir Feyman: Re-smashed Face! (Ye face is covered in blood! And dirt! -2 to seeing until it is cleaned off!)
“Chaaaaaaaaaarge!” continues Sir Uriel, as he begins his heroic single-handed taking of Castle L’Homard.
Sir Feyman comes round! The impact has clearly shaken him awake!
Wound Healed: Sir Feyman: Knocked Conscious!
“Chaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhh!” concludes Sir Uriel, running at full speed into the castle wall and knocking himself unconscious, despite his Smashed Kidney.
The impact smashes his face!
Wound Acquired: Sir Uriel: Smashed Face!
Wound Acquired: Sir Uriel: Knocked Unconscious!
… … … … … …
As Sir Uriel lies face down in the mud beneath the castle walls, the three remaining knights kneel in thanks.
“God be praised!” utters
Feyman,
“The deaths of many fine knights will this day be avenged!”The knights bend their heads in prayer before the castle for which they have searched for over fifty turns. Suddenly a voice comes from the battlements.
“Ha ha! Hello! Smelly English K...niggets ... of Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know!”Sir Uriel awakes in fright! The four knights look up!
“We French persons outwit you a second time, perfidious English mousedropping hoarders... how you say: Begorrah!”… … … … … …
Name: Sir Feyman the Judging Saviour of Sir Beadocáf, Slayer of the Black Knight, Soiler of Underwear and Fiendish Smasher of the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.
Bio: Sir Feyman gladly accepts his role in any quests, but is always suspicious of the motives of his fellow questers. He likes to play music, but doesn't have the opportunity very often. He fights with swords, but doesn't get too attached to his equipment.
Retinue Members: Crannock the Minstrel.
Lost Members: Naughty Melga the Possible Witch.
Deceased Retinue Members: Maine the shy Minstrel. He usually followed Feyman around, blindly agreeing with him, even though he taught Feyman many things, including how to play music; Eric the Lutist, who bravely followed Sir Feyman for over an hour, only to be sliced in twain by the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh
Weaponry: Headless Flower Troll Corpse.Chivalry: 4.
Duels Won: 1/2.
Arms: 1/2.
Wounds Acquired: Re-smashed nose; Re-smashed Face! (Ye face is covered in blood! And dirt! -2 to seeing until it is cleaned off!).
Minstrels: 1/3.
Name: Sir Beadocáf Aethlearne of the Sandy Crotch, Merciless Drowner of Old Men and Rotund Feller of the Tallest Tree on the Holy Hillock of Fate.
Bio: A large man, both tall and wide, with long reddish hair and beard. As the shape of his body might give away, Beadocáf enjoys a good meal. And a good drink. And anything feast-related, really. Despite this affection, Beadocáf is also a rather pious man, spending a lot of his money on building churches on his land, and prefers to spare his fighting skills for when God calls upon them. His colours are red and gold, and his crest is an eagle carrying a cross. His weapon of choice is a long-shafted, knobbed mace, inscribed with the words
Nutu Dei. Sometimes also called the Boar, or possible the Bore, Beadocáf is never quite sure which one people mean by it.
Lost Retinue Members: Godewine of Norwhyiche, an old friend and monk scholar who was witnessing his quest for chronicling purposes but fell to the temptations of spanking. Hagley the Squire, who joined Beadocáf to learn how to become a knight, but was instead flattened by the very man he sought to emulate.
Wounds Right hand bitten off by a rabbit; Left Eye Popped Out! (Thine aiming is affected! -1 to aiming until it is popped back in!).
Retinue Members: None.
Chivalry: 1.
Inventory: The Holy Crossbow of Beersheba, Renowned Slayer of the Green Dragon Name: Sir Ethlehed the Curious Flower Troll Slayer, Knower of Names, Taker of the Bridge of Doom, and Rescuer of Sir Feyman.
Bio: It is said that curiosity killed the cat. Sir Ethlehed would remark that he is no cat and therefore perfectly safe. In fact, through absolutely dumb luck he has managed to survive everything his insatiable curiosity has brought him into, often at the cost of comically maimed retinue members. He is interested in absolutely everything and will frequently conduct experiments to satiate his curiosity. Again often at the expense of retinue. He wields a vaguely weapon-like contraption that has so far managed to elude a good description and could go horribly wrong at any moment. He also wields a sword, but it is rusty and blunt from years of neglect.
He is the kind of guy who compulsively pulls a lever to see what happens. He is also inexplicably lucky.
Lost Retinue Member: John the Snarker. A former fool who lost all of his humour while in Ethlehed's service. Crushed to death during Sir Ethlehed’s rescue from the Beast of Caerbannog.
Chivalry: 2.
Wound Acquired: Re-smashed nose; Left leg pulled off; Pierced (left) thigh; Re-smashed face! (Yon face is smeared all over with blood! -1 to seeing until it is wiped away!).
Inventory: Left leg.
Name:
Sir Uriel Ultim The Entirely Lacking in Depth Perception
Bio:
A knight to be reckoned with. He has an imaginary trusty steed which isn't as trusted as it should be,
a shiny armor which often gets soiled in combat,
a great shield wich is dent bent and sligtly curled,
a sparkling blade which is often ridiculed for its sparkles.
Oh Did I mention Sir Uriel Was entirely lacking in depth perception?
Retinue Member:
Goofus Ridiculus, a Jester whom was originally hired to keep Uriel The Entirely Lacking in Depth Perception in good mood with witty jokes and humor.
Too bad he only know horribly bad puns, and he just can't get rid of this guy no matter what he have tried.
Wound Acquired: Smashed kidney; Smashed face.
Chivalry: 1.
Sorry for the delay and the silliness. That’s kind of what happens when I have to roll for walking a mile, I guess. Also, I have a terrible cold.
Author
Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail! (Read 50258 times)