Thirty Sixth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; a small clearing in the Forest of Hell; a quarter past night time.Before the assembled Knights Who Say ‘Ni’,
Sir Beadocáf addresses his fellow questers, wisely restraining his bodily liquids [4].
"I say, let us hear what these Knights willst have of us, then decide whether or not it is a Sacrifice of God or the Devil!”Sir Keardwall raises one craggy brow and turns his gaze to his companions.
"A sacrifice, eh? Well, yon tall fool looks a fitting enough 'sacrifice' to me."Staggering with the effort of controlling his bowels [5],
Sir Feyman recoils in horror at this foolish idea!
"NO! We cannot defeat the Knights who say 'Ni-arrrrghh’!”Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight has uttered the Sacred Word! He once again loses controls of his bowels [1]! He is in great pain!
Sir Conchobar, attempting to move inconspicuously away from the knights, tries to save Feyman’s honour and pants.
“Feyman!” he shouts,
“Sayeth not the word! Sayeth not the Sacred Word of ‘Ni-arrrrrrrrrrrgghh!’”Sir Conchobar, Wetter of Pants wets his pants profusely! Feyman collapses in a ball of soiled underwear beside him! Keardwall falls to the floor [2], beset by a sudden cramp of the stomach! The Knights Who Say ‘Ni’ spot Conchobar attempting to move inconspicuously away [2]!
Title Acquired! Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, Soiler of Underwear!“Flee not, O Gruesome Knight!” speaks the leader of the Knights Who Say ‘Ni’,
“Return here that I punish you for trying to avoid our Sacred Sacrifice! Or I shall not hesitate to say ‘Ni’ a second time, and you may lose more than your sense of personal hygiene!”… … … … … …
The Leader of the Knights Who Say ‘Ni’ stands before the cowering Knights of the Round Table.
“You have tried to avoid paying your passage with our Sacred Sacrifice! You shall pay the price! You must carry out the Sacred Task of The Knights of ‘Ni’! You must proceed to the Hillock of Fate, deep within the Forest of Hell, and, once there, once upon the summit of the Hillock of Fate, you must cut down the tallest tree on the Hillock’s brow… with this herring!”The Leader of the Knights Who Say ‘Ni’ holds before him a small Baltic Herring, some six inches long.
“If you return, having accomplished this Sacred Task, which no man hath done before, then we shall accompany you to the cave which you seek. If you do not! Then beware!”Name: Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Destroyer of the Son of the Eel of Stafford, Terror of the West, and Slayer of the Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom.
Bio: So named for his rather unyielding demeanour towards his foes, and those of God and the King, Sir Keardwall the Stony was a natural choice for such a quest as this. Bearing a near-permanent frown, stout forehead and a square, manly beard, not to mention his well-kept armour, Sir Keardwell is the very picture of courage and skill-at-arms.
Enjoys fighting for King and Country, feasting heartily, and glaring stonily at those who cross him. Apart from his lance he wields a broadsword and a shield, upon which is displayed his family's crest, which involves a castle on a mountain guarded by a red dragon. He would never dream of refusing such a mission from his Lord, but of course the sorry state of his financial affairs offered an extra incentive to set out on this grand journey. After all, what born warrior would wish to be cooped up in a castle all day, counting tithes and taxes when he could be out doing great deeds?!
Traits Fearsome frown of fierceness, loud voice.
Retinue Member: Standard Bearer, Gertad Brownfoot. Old fellow who faithfully follows Sir Keardwall on his travels on a small pony, bearing the noble Knight's coat-of-arms for all to see. Always glad to recite a few of his Lord's deeds for any audience, he speaks sweeter still when his tongue is greased with alcohol. Gertad is currently away.
Chivalry: 3.
Arm Wrestles Won: 0/1.
Inventory: A spleen in a jar of pickled eggs, a lower leg in a jar of gherkins.
Wounds: No lower left leg.
Name: Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, Soiler of Underwear.
Bio: Sir Feyman gladly accepts his role in any quests, but is always suspicious of the motives of his fellow questers. He likes to play music, but doesn't have the opportunity very often. He fights with swords, but doesn't get too attached to his equipment.
Retinue Members: Crannock the Minstrel.
Lost Members: Naughty Melga the Possible Witch.
Deceased Retinue Members: Maine the shy Minstrel. He usually followed Feyman around, blindly agreeing with him, even though he taught Feyman many things, including how to play music; Eric the Lutist, who bravely followed Sir Feyman for over an hour, only to be sliced in twain by the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh
Chivalry: 1.
Duels Won: 1/2.
Arms: 1/2.
Minstrels: 1/3.
Name: Sir Conchobar the Miraculously Gruesome, Potless Insulter of Mothers and Piercer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh, Splitter of the Left Head of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom, Wetter of Pants.
Bio: The stuff of legends, Conchobar is feared throughout the world. Not because of his deeds mind you, but because of his legendary ugliness. He is said to be so ugly that the heads of lesser men have shattered in his presence. It is also notable that his favored weapon is a man wearing spiked armor named Fiddles.
Traits: Unimaginably intimidating. Ridiculously ugly.
Retinue members: Fiddles the man club; Kenneth, Shielder of Yon Face For the Protection of Others.
Chivalry: 4.
Arm Wrestles Won: 1/1.
Inventory: The Holy Crossbow of Beersheba, Renowned Slayer of the Green Dragon, Bolt Foot.
Name: Sir Beadocáf Aethlearne the Rotund
Bio: A large man, both tall and wide, with long reddish hair and beard. As the shape of his body might give away, Beadocáf enjoys a good meal. And a good drink. And anything feast-related, really. Despite this affection, Beadocáf is also a rather pious man, spending a lot of his money on building churches on his land, and prefers to spare his fighting skills for when God calls upon them. His colours are red and gold, and his crest is an eagle carrying a cross. His weapon of choice is a long-shafted, knobbed mace, inscribed with the words Nutu Dei. Sometimes also called the Boar, or possible the Bore, Beadocáf is never quite sure which one people mean by it.
Lost Members: Godewine of Norwhyiche, an old friend and monk scholar who was witnessing his quest for chronicling purposes but fell to the temptations of spanking.
Retinue Members: Hagley the Squire.
Chivalry: 0.
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Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail! (Read 51079 times)