Twenty ninth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; the Wood of Doom; lunchtime.Once the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom laid down their fearsome challenge, the fearless
Sir Feyman stepped forward! He ground his teeth inwardly at Beatacalf’s scheming cowardice, but outwardly grinned at the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom’s conceit: Feyman would take him down!
"I shall challenge the centre head! And for my fruit, my weapon of choice, I shall choose the very most deadly fruit of all..."He then reached into the fruit basket, and plucked out the spiniest, scariest fruitweapon he could find:
"A pineapple!"The centre head of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom shrank back in slight terror!
… … … … … …
Beside the fearless Feyman,
Sir Keardwall looks puzzled, indeed almost offended as he watches the proceedings, patting one palm on the trusty sword sheathed at his side, and staring in disbelief as Sir Feyman approaches the challenger(s).
"...Fruit? We shall fight with fruit?! Why, this is madness! Whosoever heard of something so ridiculous as a Knightly Trial by fruit?" Keardwall begins, his keen knightly sensibilities outraged,
"Are ye too much of a coward to face us blade-to-blade, knowing that ye would end such a contest with thy head count decreased by not one, nor two, but three?"As Sir Keardwall smirks forward on one leg, he offers some pertinent advice to Sir Feyman on his approaching fruitduel, seeing as he is an expert in all forms of martial combat, including
* cleaving foes with his sword, punching foreigners into walls, inadvertently slaying with his internal organs, and of course toppling armies with pieces of fruit.
*(but not limited to)
"Ah yes, the pineapple! Good choice, Sir Feyman! Now, wielding such a grand fruit, I suggest thou dost attempt to hold it by the green scraggly bit," and with this Keardwall gestures to the leaves of the pineapple,
"Then swing, and bash yon fiend over the centre head with it. Should be rather simple really, eh what?" Keardwall pivots on his remaining leg and hobbles back towards his other companions, stumbling to a stop by Sir Beadocáf to thoughtfully ask in a lowered and almost reverent voice as he fishes about in his jar of leg,
"Tell me my learned companion; doth a gherkin count as a fruit or as a vegetable?"… … … … … …
Whilst Beadocáf and Keardwall ponder the question of the gherkin,
Sir Conchobar strides purposefully to the fruit basket and strokes his chin.
He triumphantly holds above his head his choice.
"HAIL DURIAN! THE KING OF FRUIT!!!"Ever the professional, Conchobar briefly kneels in prayer before wandering off for some practice with his new weapon.
… … … … … …
As a small vole flies past them and lands with a violent thud a few feet away, Sir Feyman and the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight approach each other.
Beadocáf steps up.
"Now, if ye who will not be fighting the first duel wouldst be so kind and remove your helmets and bow, so that I, as Nonpartisan Referee and Arbiter, may deliver a Brutal Smack of Fairness unto your non-combatant heads with mine mace, we shall begin the first duel. Deo gratias, Dominus vobiscum, et hoc genus omne."A distance away in the undergrowth there is a loud smash and the screech of a smitten squirrel.
The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight kneels, and the left and the right hands remove the helmets from the left and the right heads in preparation for the forthcoming combat. Beadocáf unsheathes his mace.
Upon the left head Beadocáf doth unleash a Brutal Smack [4]: the left head is knocked out! He proceeds to the other side of the combatant, and delivers a Blow of Fairness unto the right head [4]. The right head is also rendered unconscious! With parity installed and one man with one head ready to fight one man with one head, the Knightly Trial by fruit can commence!
Somewhere in a bush nearby a pigeon shrieks its last shriek as Conchobar’s preparatory rampage continues.
… … … … … …
England; the Dark Ages; the Wood of Doom; five past the hour of lunch.In a small and idyllic clearing amongst the fell trees of the Wood of Doom
Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, stands face to face and some fifteen feet away from the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom, its centre head flanked by two heads rendered unconscious by Sir Beadocáf’s Parity Enforcing Mace of Justice. Not far away gently tinkles the delicate water of a dainty stream, and on the side of the clearing which receives the afternoon sunlight a small meadow is starting its springtime bloom: the leaves on the trees encircling this most Holy Duel are beginning to take on their full aspect of glorious English greenery. On a tree stump to one side of the clearing stands a tastefully arranged fruit basket.
All is reverentially silent, but for the terrified howl of a nearby mouse, and the triumphant shout of the pursuing Sir Conchobar, who is learning to wield his durian with terrible effect.
Sir Beadocáf’s manly voice booms through the reverential near-silence.
“Ready?!”Sir Feyman nods. A third of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom does likewise.
Feyman draws his pineapple. His foe unsheathes his prune.
… … … … … …
As the two fighters rush towards each other, the near-silence is once again broken.
“Go on Feyman! Just kill him! Use thine self defence against fruit!” shouts one of the onlookers.
[Init Sir Feyman vs the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom: 2 vs 4]
Sir Feyman bravely rushes forth, brandishing his pineapple about his head by the green scraggly bit – but alas! Before he can strike the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight, this latter thrusts forward with his deadly prune! Yet it slips from his grasp [1]! The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight stumbles!
Seizing his chance, the intrepid Feyman brings his pineapple crashing down upon the head of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight with righteous vigor [6]. ‘Tis quite a stunning [3+1] wound! The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight doth reel! But he is made of stern stuff, and is not yet ready to yield. He bends down to pick up his prune: and Feyman the Paragon of Chivalry allows him with knightly grace!
[Init Sir Feyman vs the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom: 5 vs 3 (utilising Chivalry based initiative reroll!)]
The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight lumbers forward for a second pass, but nimble Sir Feyman is quicker: he crushes the pineapple upon his foe’s head. The pineapple is ripped apart! Feyman is at the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight’s terrible mercy [1]!
With the menacing prune held close to his face, the unarmed Feyman yields to the multiheaded monstrosity before him, and dejectedly walks back to the watching knights. He avoids their gaze and inspects his shoes.
Chivalry Decreased! -1
… … … … … …
Adhering to the agreed upon rules of the duel,
Sir Beadocáf sadly splashes water on the left head to revive him, before proceeding to the knocking out of the centre head, which he does, just after the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight issues his fiery challenge.
“So! I have defeated the first: it is 1-0 to us! Bring forth yon next challenger, and I shall defeat him too!”Just then
Sir Conchobar appears from out of the nearby undergrowth in pursuit of a fox and hears the challenge. He stops his pursuit to discuss with
Keardwall the order in which they should fight: the decision goes Sir Conchobar’s way! He steps up, and holds his durian firmly in front of him, although not so firmly as to pierce his own hands with the mighty thorns. Before Conchobar stands once again the Dreaded and Thus-Far Victorious Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom.
[Init Sir Conchobar vs the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom: 1 vs 4]
The brave Three-Headed Knight is not afraid of the durian, and rushes forth to engage with
Sir Conchobar, successfully avoiding any sight of his hideous face! He strikes at Conchobar with the prune, aiming a deadly blow at the Knight of the Round Table’s eyes [4], but Conchobar ducks aside, flatfooting the Three-Headed foe and enabling a ferocious blow to the face of the left head [6]. It is split asunder [6+1]! The Dreaded Three-Headed Knight is knocked to the ground! The impact awakens the right and central heads! They are furious with unrighteous anger!
Title Acquired: Sir Conchobar the Gruesome, Potless Insulter of Mothers and Piercer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh, Splitter of the Left Head of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom! With both heads awake and their vanquisher kneeling in prayer, the knavish Two-Headed Knight storms towards Sir Conchobar, hoping to catch him unawares, whirling the prune in a vicious and deadly circle about his heads.
Hearing and turning, Sir Conchobar quickly raises his durian above him to protect himself from the awful prune, but the blows that rain down are so furious and powerful that it is soon swatted aside! Conchobar is still upon his praying knees as the horrible Two-Headed Knight brings his prune down in one last terrible blow when suddenly
Sir Keardwall intervenes: he hurls his gherkin at the dastardly Two-Headed Knight [5].
Pickled with the finest spices in Christendom, the gherkin flies straight and true [6]. It pierces both of the Two-Headed Knight’s heads! Its skulls are battered! Its brains are sliced apart! The monstrosity is struck down! The Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom’s lifeless body crashes to the ground!
Sir Conchobar once again kneels in prayer.
Title Acquired: Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Destroyer of the Son of the Eel of Stafford, Terror of the West, and Slayer of the Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom! … … … … … …
It is shortly after lunchtime, in England, during the Dark Ages. The Cave of Caerbannog is rumoured to lie but half a day’s march ahead, and in it the brave Knights of the Round Table hope to discover the location of the Holy Grail. Having just defeated the Terrible Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom, they regroup to discuss their next move.Name: Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Destroyer of the Son of the Eel of Stafford, Terror of the West, and Slayer of the Two-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom.
Bio: So named for his rather unyielding demeanour towards his foes, and those of God and the King, Sir Keardwall the Stony was a natural choice for such a quest as this. Bearing a near-permanent frown, stout forehead and a square, manly beard, not to mention his well-kept armour, Sir Keardwell is the very picture of courage and skill-at-arms.
Enjoys fighting for King and Country, feasting heartily, and glaring stonily at those who cross him. Apart from his lance he wields a broadsword and a shield, upon which is displayed his family's crest, which involves a castle on a mountain guarded by a red dragon. He would never dream of refusing such a mission from his Lord, but of course the sorry state of his financial affairs offered an extra incentive to set out on this grand journey. After all, what born warrior would wish to be cooped up in a castle all day, counting tithes and taxes when he could be out doing great deeds?!
Traits Fearsome frown of fierceness, loud voice.
Retinue Member: Standard Bearer, Gertad Brownfoot. Old fellow who faithfully follows Sir Keardwall on his travels on a small pony, bearing the noble Knight's coat-of-arms for all to see. Always glad to recite a few of his Lord's deeds for any audience, he speaks sweeter still when his tongue is greased with alcohol. Gertad is currently away.
Chivalry: 4.
Arm Wrestles Won: 0/1.
Inventory: A spleen in a jar of pickled eggs, a lower leg in a jar of gherkins.
Wounds: No lower left leg.
Name: Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight.
Bio: Sir Feyman gladly accepts his role in any quests, but is always suspicious of the motives of his fellow questers. He likes to play music, but doesn't have the opportunity very often. He fights with swords, but doesn't get too attached to his equipment.
Retinue Members: Crannock the Minstrel; Melga the Possible Witch.
Deceased Retinue Members: Maine the shy Minstrel. He usually followed Feyman around, blindly agreeing with him, even though he taught Feyman many things, including how to play music; Eric the Lutist, who bravely followed Sir Feyman for over an hour, only to be sliced in twain by the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh
Chivalry: 3.
Duels Won: 1/2.
Arms: 1/2.
Minstrels: 1/3.
Name: Sir Conchobar the Gruesome, Potless Insulter of Mothers and Piercer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh, Splitter of the Left Head of the Dreaded Three-Headed Knight of the Wood of Doom.
Bio: The stuff of legends, Conchobar is feared throughout the world. Not because of his deeds mind you, but because of his legendary ugliness. He is said to be so ugly that the heads of lesser men have shattered in his presence. It is also notable that his favored weapon is a man wearing spiked armor named Fiddles.
Traits: Unimaginably intimidating. Ridiculously ugly.
Retinue members: Fiddles the man club; Kenneth, Shielder of Yon Face For the Protection of Others.
Chivalry: 4.
Arm Wrestles Won: 1/1.
Inventory: The Holy Crossbow of Beersheba, Renowned Slayer of the Green Dragon, Bolt Foot.
Name: Sir Beadocáf Aethlearne the Rotund
Bio: A large man, both tall and wide, with long reddish hair and beard. As the shape of his body might give away, Beadocáf enjoys a good meal. And a good drink. And anything feast-related, really. Despite this affection, Beadocáf is also a rather pious man, spending a lot of his money on building churches on his land, and prefers to spare his fighting skills for when God calls upon them. His colours are red and gold, and his crest is an eagle carrying a cross. His weapon of choice is a long-shafted, knobbed mace, inscribed with the words Nutu Dei. Sometimes also called the Boar, or possible the Bore, Beadocáf is never quite sure which one people mean by it.
Retinue Members: Godewine of Norwhyiche, an old friend and monk scholar witnessing his quest for chronicling purposes; Hagley the Squire.
Chivalry: 1.
Edit: Gosh, I've just realised how long that is. Sorry!
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Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail! (Read 50799 times)