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Author Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail!  (Read 50812 times)

Zako

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #195 on: October 28, 2011, 06:08:34 am »

Ahahahaha! I just KNEW that something like this would happen. Thank you dice gods!
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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #196 on: October 28, 2011, 07:16:08 am »

Way to fail like an internal organ, dude.

Sir Feyman grows impatient. He waits for the witch to speak, but urges the townsfolk to not do anything hasty!
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #197 on: October 28, 2011, 07:22:57 am »

  "...Gaah!"
Sir Keardwall stands stunned for a moment, eyes wide in horror, then he darts fowards and drops to his knees with a clatter, scrabbling in the dirt to cradle his treasured, blessed and dirt-crusted spleen like a newborn child.
All 'judgement' of the accused woman is forgotten in the wake of this tragedy.
"Alas! My dearest spleen, forgive me!" He turns his eyes skyward, his stony, fearsome exterior cracking to reveal the sad, watery eyes and quivering lip of a small child who's just had their favourite toy torn from them, "God, how have I angered you so?! Whatever have I done, to deserve such a fate? Tell me!! Have I failed you, O Lord? Why?! Why take him, and not I?! Please, forgive me, God..."

Then he gets to his feet, an ugly, grim expression coming over his face as he wipes away the snot and tears with the back of a gauntlet. "Bring me a jar, you worthless curs! Preferably with pickles or such in! Do not simply stand there, lest I flay the worthless hide from your backs!"
He then glares with righteous fury at both 'witch' and peasants, clutching his spleen protectively in one bulky, armoured arm as he draws his sword with the other. His voice is filled with venom, and his hairy brows almost meet in an angry frown as he bellows,

"Guilty!! You're all guilty! Every one! Every last one!! Aaaaaaghhh!!"
He rushes at the crowd with a cry of anguish, flailing indiscriminately with the flat of his blade and iron-shod boot with all the fury of the Good Olde English Oxe. "Get ye back to your hovels! Don't dawdle, or in the name of the King you shall not have legs to get on!"
You could say he really... Vents his spleen. *Ba-dum tishh*
« Last Edit: October 28, 2011, 07:41:54 am by Yoink »
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Zako

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #198 on: October 28, 2011, 08:00:56 am »

He would probably have to squeeze it to do that.
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #199 on: October 28, 2011, 03:40:04 pm »

Sir Conchobar raises his palm to his face and heads into the village to find something interesting.
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scriver

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 24: The Judgement.
« Reply #200 on: October 28, 2011, 04:08:27 pm »

"Truly, God Saw and Judged all equally, as his Holy Messager the Spleen of Omnithruth has shown us."

Beadocáf decides to not hang around while Sir Keardwall exacts God's Righteous Justice upon the peasants, and follows Conchobar into the village instead. DEUS VULT!
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 25: The Dirtied Spleen.
« Reply #201 on: October 31, 2011, 04:02:27 pm »

Twenty fifth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; the village of Stafford; six past the hour of the wasp.

Time seems to slow as Keardwall's spleen-jar shatters in the dirt, smashing into tiny pieces as the Holy Spleen bounces away and rolls to a stop in a small puddle.

"Townsfolk," begins Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight, "Let us not be hasty; let the witch speak."

"She's a witch! She's a witch! Burn her! He said she's a witch! Burn her! Burn her!!" cry the villagers, seizing on Feyman's ill-judged slip, "Let's burn her to the ground!"

A look of impatient frustration briefly crosses Feyman's face and he crosses his arms, until he suddenly notices Sir Keardwall, Lord of Castle Lombard dart forward. He sighs, and wonders if he should restrain him, but it's too late. Much too late.

In a flash, Keardwall is on his knees, his armour clattering as he scrabbles about in the dirt like one of the peasant mud-farmers, snatching at his fallen spleen, filth-encrusted, treasured, blessed and tasked with aiding the Search for the Holy Grail by God Himself. Keardwall holds his spleen above him as if seeking redemption for his first-born, his eyes fixed directly on heaven itself as the quivering lips and wettening eyes of a small child burst through his stony warrior's exterior. The brave knight is overcome with despair.

"Alas! My dearest spleen, forgive me! God, how have I angered you so?! Whatever have I done, to deserve such a fate? Tell me!! Have I failed you, O Lord? Why?! Why take him, and not I?! Please, forgive me, God..."

When he rises back to his feet, a grim and accursed-seeming expression takes over his face as snot and tears drain over the back of his armoured fist.

"Bring me a jar, you worthless curs! Preferably with pickles or such in! Do not simply stand there, lest I flay the worthless hide from your backs!"

He holds his spleen in one hand, and draws his sword with the other, glaring righteously at the peasant mob cowering and fearful in view of the desecrated relic before them. He sports but a single frownsome brow, and his bellowing voice is venomous with anger as he rushes the offending crowd.

"Guilty!! You're all guilty! Every one! Every last one!! Aaaaaaghhh!!"

Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Lord of Castle Lombard, falls upon both peasants and witch in a state of hysterical anguish, flailing at all within reach with the flat of his sword and the iron tip of his boot as if overtaken by the spirit of a furious English Ox!

 "Get ye back to your hovels! Don't dawdle, or in the name of the King you shall not have legs to get on!"
 
Alas! He doth strike one peasant so hard [6] that his face doth explode! He is struck down!

...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...

Before the rising madness of Sir Keardwall, his companion Sir Conchobar can do nothing. He raises an armoured palm to his helmeted face in quiet resignation and heads to the village to find something interesting.

"Truly, God Saw and Judged all equally, as his Holy Messager the Spleen of Omnitruth has shown us. I have no desire to see the wrath of a wronged knight exacted harshly upon some God-cursed peasant. Hold firm, good Conchobar," says Sir Beadocáf as he signs the Cross upon his chest, "For I too would rather see the village than these villagers. It may be God's Righteous Justice delivered by a Righteous Knight, but I have no need to see it."

...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...


The two knights walk along into the lower part of the village; that which adjoins the river of Staff, there where can be found the ford of Staff. Perhaps they were not paying adequate attention to what lay ahead, distracted as they were by the sounds of sword slapping skin and boot crushing crotch that wafted down from Keardwall's Holy Justice; perhaps the man who steps out before them has some strange and ethereal power beyond their ken. It matters not: he speaks.

"Hail, Brave Knights! Yon friend doth disgrace himself, above in the village square, and badly. A spleen is to be valued greatly, but is one spleen worth a manne's life? Is one spleen worth the bad name that shall fall upon your lord King Arthur should word of this strange possession spread beyond the borders of our parish? For indeed, your friend is unashamedly possessed by the spirit of Divine Justice, but in doing so he hath cut down an innocent! In doing so he hath not responded to the needful cry of the manne who doth work the land to serve him! He hath not judged the witch! And he hath killed an innocent mud-gatherer! Who shall gather mud now for this manne's wife? Who shall pile filth high for this manne's child? Who?!"

The old man spreads his arms wide about him, nearly as wide as his shining eyes.

"There is but one way to buy back the honour that your comrade has cost you! You must rid the Village of Stafford of the Terrible Son of the Eel of Stafford!"

He points to where the river runs past; his finger follows the river along and stops at the ford.

"It lieth within!"


edit: noticed a bad space.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2011, 03:11:35 am by lawastooshort »
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freeformschooler

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 25: The Dirtied Spleen.
« Reply #202 on: October 31, 2011, 04:07:17 pm »

Oh, phooey. Feyman's patience has run out! He grabs the witch/not-witch with one arm and runs off towards the direction of Sir Conchobar and Sir Beatacalf. He'll figure it all out later!
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 25: The Dirtied Spleen.
« Reply #203 on: October 31, 2011, 08:33:15 pm »

Sir Conchobar nods his head and turns towards the ford. "We shall destroy this fiend, but on the condition that you put this foolish witch trial business behind you and leave the judging to the righteous." He stopped for a moment, then added "And do not speak such foul heresies of the Holy Spleen of Sir Keardwall, or you may find yourself in a similar situation to that of which a certain maiden of questionable morals has found herself in." He then heads towards the ford, keeping a weary and incredibly unseemly eye on the man.
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scriver

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 25: The Dirtied Spleen.
« Reply #204 on: November 01, 2011, 06:02:02 am »

Sir Beadocáf agrees with his comrade, then adds: "Indeed I will got to slay this vile Eely Bastarde, but I travel only with my long-time friend Godwine of Norwhyiche, who is but a scholar and nay a Warrior. To do this task, I require of you to provide me with a squire, ad utrumque paratus, both strong, and brave, and clever. Coniunctis viribus Deus vincit! We go now to investigate the ford, and I expect the squire-to-be to join us as soon as possible, for if we are not attacked by then, we will be seeking this Childe of the Eel ourselves post prandium, when the sun starts it's decline."

With these words, he follows Conchobar towards the ford.


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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 25: The Dirtied Spleen.
« Reply #205 on: November 01, 2011, 07:06:16 am »

At length, the red haze of fury finally lifts from Keardwall's vision, and with a slight groan of horror his sword drops from his trembling fingers. "Good Lord, what have I done?" He stares in shock at the muddy corpse of the late dirt-farmer, now left a limp heap in the very muck he farmed in life.
"By God, I have taken the life of an innocent! A harmless, innocent worker of the land, a good, honest fellow, and not some smelly foreigner! All for the sake of an, admittedly Holy, spleen! I have broken my vows to uphold the King's law, and become..." His eyes widen, "...No better than the enemies we fight."

He shall turn to the nearest villager, raising his palms outwards, "Please! I must at least try to compensate this poor man's family for my misdeed!  Certainly, perhaps yon peasants may breed like rabbits, but such does not mean one can simply walk around taking out one's rage upon them! Alas, I of course cannot bring him back, nor repair the damage I have done to mine knightly reputation, but 'tis something I must do."

Sir Keardwall the Smiter of Innocents shall ask directions to the dead man's filthy hovelrespectable household, gather up the body and proceed through the streets, head hanging in shame, to his door. There he will place the man's corpse on the floor, cross himself, admit his crimes and present to the widow, by way of compensation, the deed to the recently-liberated Castle Lomard.

With that done, he will return to grab up both sword and spleen and re-join his comrades, full of sorrow at what he's done.
"My companions, I can imagine what thou art thinking, and in truth I am also: That I have become some kind of terrible monster! Indeed, I have done a terrible thing, but I shall endeavour to redeem myself in the name of the Lord in my service to our quest. I beg of thee, allow me to fight this beast, this 'Son of the Eel of Stafford', one-on-one! I must do penace, and if I should fall, then plainly 'tis merely the manifestation of God's anger at my deeds!"

He shall hold his head high, his grim countenace full of sorrow, and prepare to fight the fiend in single combat, thus (hopefully) redeeming himself in the name of the Lord, restoring his reputation and proving himself worthy of this Quest once more!
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #206 on: November 01, 2011, 08:38:34 am »

Twenty sixth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; the village of Stafford; eleven past the hour of the wasp.

Running out of patience before Sir Keardwall’s vengeful outburst, Sir Feyman dashes into the melee, grabbing the witch one-handed about the waist and running off towards the other knights [6], who are preparing to face the Son of the Eel of Stafford to restore King Arthur’s honour. Suddenly he remembers to put her down.

”My goode knight! How can I ever repay you? Please, let me join your service, until I have repaid my life’s debt to you. I begge of thee!”

Retainer Acquired! Melga the Possible Witch!

…   …   …   …   …   …

Back in the village square, Sir Keardwall slowly comes to his senses, and with a slight groan of horror he lets his sword drop from his trembling fingers. He stares about the filthy square, and then rests eyes fixed upon the muddy corpse of the deceased dirt-farmer, a limp heap in the muck which was once his life’s work.

"Good Lord, what have I done? By God, I have taken the life of an innocent! A harmless, innocent worker of the land, a good, honest fellow, and not some smelly foreigner! All for the sake of an, admittedly Holy, spleen! I have broken my vows to uphold the King's law, and become..." – and here Keardwall’s eyes widen with sorrow, regret, and shame –  "... no better than the enemies we fight."

Palms raised outwards, he turns to the nearest villager, beseeching their forgiveness.
   
"Please! I must at least try to compensate this poor man's family for my misdeed!  Certainly, perhaps yon peasants may breed like rabbits, but such does not mean one can simply walk around taking out one's rage upon them! Alas, I of course cannot bring him back, nor repair the damage I have done to mine knightly reputation, but 'tis something I must do."

Sir Keardwall the Stony Smiter of Filthy Innocents cries to the mob before him to direct him to the dead peasant’s abode, and as they do he lifts the body before him, and carries the mud-soaked corpse through the streets. His head hands in shame as he reaches the door of the departed. He places the corpse upon the floor and knocks.

The man’s widow opens; she doth see the corpse! She doth wail!

Keardwall kneels and crosses himself before her, confessing his crime and admitting his shame and his sorrow.

“Please,” he says, “I did not mean to cost you your husband and your household’s only source of income; I will regret my actions for the rest of my days. Take my second castle as some form of compensation: perhaps it will provide enough for you and your doubtless numerous children.”

The widow looks down at the deed to Castle Lombard that Keardwall holds out, and accepts the kindly gesture [5]. She turns her head over her shoulder and screams out:

”Come on kids! We be moving house! We’ve hit the jackpot!”

She steps over the body lying in the doorway and walks out of the village, a line of children following behind her.

Title Lost! No longer Lord of Castle Lombard!
Item Lost! Castle Lombard!

…   …   …   …   …   …

Feyman arrives just in time to hear Sir Conchobar, Potless Insulter of Mothers and Piercer of the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh turn towards the ford and address the old man.

"We shall destroy this fiend, but on the condition that you put this foolish witch trial business behind you and leave the judging to the righteous,” speaks Conchobar, “And do not speak such foul heresies of the Holy Spleen of Sir Keardwall, or you may find yourself in a similar situation to that of which a certain maiden of questionable morals has found herself in. Carried off by Sir Feyman the Judging, it seems. Anyway."

Sir Conchobar seeks the agreement of his fellows before heading off to the fearsome ford. Sir Beadocáf, for one, roundly agrees; upon fulfillment of a certain condition.

"Indeed I will go to slay this vile Eely Bastarde, but I travel only with my long-time friend Godwine of Norwhyche, who is but a scholar and nay a Warrior. To do this task, I require of you to provide me with a squire, ad utrumque paratus, both strong, and brave, and clever. Coniunctis viribus Deus vincit! We go now to investigate the ford, and I expect the squire-to-be to join us as soon as possible, for if we are not attacked by then, we will be seeking this Childe of the Eel ourselves post prandium, when the sun starts its decline."

”A squire my goode knight? I am sure [6] that some kindly orphan can be found! I will make haste and seek out the son of the sergeant of the guard without delay: his father was slain by this very same foul eel but the other week, and will need a male role model in his life, or something!”

Retainer Acquired! Hagley the Squire!

The old man turns to dash off, and runs straight into the arriving Keardwall.

…   …   …   …   …   …

"My companions,” wails this latter, “I can imagine what thou art thinking, and in truth I am also: That I have become some kind of terrible monster! Indeed, I have done a terrible thing, but I shall endeavour to redeem myself in the name of the Lord in my service to our quest. I beg of thee, allow me to fight this beast, this 'Son of the Eel of Stafford', one-on-one! I must do penace, and if I should fall, then plainly 'tis merely the manifestation of God's anger at my deeds!"

He holds his head high, stony features chiseled into sorrow, and prepares himself to fight the Son of the Eel of Stafford in single combat to redeem himself, to restore his honour, and prove himself worth of continuing the God-granted Quest for the Holy Grail.

…   …   …   …   …   …

England; the Dark Ages; the ford of Stafford; twenty to the hour of the swallow.

Three knights and three further onlookers stand about in the early evening, a short distance from the ford of Stafford, which doth ford the river Staff. They are watching Sir Keardwall, once Lord of Castle Lombard, now but a shadow of his former glory, ready himself for single combat with the son of one of the most dangerous eels that the age has known: the Eel of Stafford.

As the brave and contrite knight kneels in prayer for the Lord’s guidance and protection in the grim task ahead, suddenly the Son of the Eel of Stafford doth strike! It leaps fully five feet from the water’s edge: it flies towards Keardwall’s left eye! As it is about to make contact Keardwall ducks to one side, and the vicious eel sends itself flying over his shoulder where it smacks into the ground below. Each combatant turns to face the other.

Keardwall quickly draws his sword and aims a blow at the Son of the Eel of Stafford’s head: it wriggles away! It jumps back off the ground, and flies towards Keardwall’s chest, and the two worthy fighters fall to the ground as they wrestle each other in the watery filth: but it is not so watery as to yet give the eel the advantage.

After some minutes Keardwall wrests the eel from his armoured breast and throws it to the floor, where he strives to crush it beneath his boot, but the eel slips away into the rushing water to regain the upper hand. Keardwall chases after him! The eel is out of sight however, within seconds, diving beneath the raging torrent and swimming about between Keardwall’s heavy armoured boots. He thinks he catches a glance; he stomps his foot! He smashes his heel! He misses the slippery bastardly eel!

With a deafening howl of terrifying and bestial wrath, the eel leaps out of the water four yards from Keardwall, and flies directly at his stony face! Sir Keardwall parries the eel with a sword that moves as swift as an eagle, drawing his blade from low to high as he splits the eel in two! The eel’s tail flies off to the right! The eel’s head flies off to the left! The still living head bites off Sir Keardwall’s knee! It gnaweth upon it in a foul and excruciating manner! Keardwall gasps in pain!

There is but one course of action left for Keardwall to follow: he yanks off the nearly severed knee to which the half-eel is now attached, and he strikes it hard upon a nearby rock! The Son of the Eel of Stafford is smited to smithereens! Its brain is as papier-mâché sodden and crushed by the rain and strewn about! Keardwall is victorious!

Great Pain Acquired! Thine knee has been gnawed upon!
Item Lost! Left leg below the knee!
Title Acquired! Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits, Destroyer of the Son of the Eel of Stafford, Terror of the West!

« Last Edit: November 11, 2011, 10:14:07 am by lawastooshort »
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #207 on: November 01, 2011, 10:27:16 am »

Sir Keardwall wobbles for a moment before regaining his balance, looking a little dazed- but still grim and imposing, of course- as he stands there on one leg, bloody sword in one hand and mangled severed limb in the other. He gives a grunt in pain, looking down at the stump of his leg in thought.
"I think..." He mutters, mostly to himself, "I think that I shall need not one, but two new jars..."
Then he shall set aside the leg, sheath his sword and drop to his knees, as painful as that may be, and commence to praying.
"Dear Lord above, I thank thee for granting me the strength to slay this beast, thus saving this long-suffering village from its clutches! Leg or no leg, I shall take this as a sign, that I am to continue on this Holy Quest in thy name, and no matter how many limbs it may cost me, I shall have success! Amen!"

With that done, he will attempt to stand, possibly using his sword as a crutch if necessary, though he is loathe to sully his blade so. Gritting his teeth to hide the pain, he will gather up both leg and spleen before heading back village-wards, pausing to say to his fellows, "I must find a jar or two, it seems. Then we shall continue onwards," and to the old man and whichever other villagers are present,
"I can only hope that the death of this foul creature has redeemed myself somewhat in your eyes. But hear this," He shall wear his most impressive, powerful expression as he says this, looking off over the horizon, "From this day I shall not rest until I and my noble companions have recovered the Holy Grail, restoring the great King Arthur's power and extending his benevolent, God-Given rule to enchance the lives of all good villagefolk such as thyselves!"

With all that speechifying out of the way he shall get a move hop on back to the village, searching for any glass jars or other suitable containers for both spleen and leg, hopefully not collapsing from pain or bloodloss along the way.


(Blergh so rambly! Blame... Well, me for being half asleep. :P )
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Sinpwn

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #208 on: November 01, 2011, 02:00:46 pm »

Sir Conchobar walks up to Sir Keardwall and gives him a hearty slap on the back, not fearing for the knight's balance. "Well done, Keardwall! That feat has surely redeemed you in the eyes of all!" Sir Conchobar heads back to the village as well and asks around for where the grail could be.
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scriver

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Re: Roll to Seek the Grail! Turn 26: The Vicious Eel in Single Combat!
« Reply #209 on: November 01, 2011, 05:40:32 pm »

"Knight Keardwall, stay thine course for a moment! Before we continue, let Godewine have a look at your wound. He is a scholar of many things, surely he can come up with a treatment."

Hang around and let Godewine take care of the kneeless leg.
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