Thirteenth turn!
England; the Dark Ages; Castle Lombard; a little past the hour of the ram. "Aha! You see, no stomach for a real fight, these foreign types! Carry on, Sir Meynard, I shall be right along in a moment! Not like these wretches offer much more challenge than a training dummy anyhow, eh?! Now, where'd that spleen of mine get to..."
The brave, battered and still-bellowing Sir Keardwall shall set aside his shield, place one foot upon the face of his improvised, human scabbard and wrench his sword free, then clean and sheath it and grab up his severed, trodden-on spleen in both hands. "Now, I am quite sure this thing must be important." Lacking any form of physician in the heat of battle, he will head quickly to the kitchens or similiar to find a jar, hopefully filled to the brim with some sort of pickled substance, and place the noble, wounded organ inside. He can get someone to re-attach it later!
Then it is time to catch up to Meynard, jar in one hand and sword in the other, to finish off the rest of this slimy lot.
The brave Sir Keardwall the Stony, Defeater of Bandits, places his foot on the face of the Frenchman offending him even in gruesome death, and yanks upon his sword [1]. It snaps! His morale is battered! He turns his attention instead to his severed spleen, and discards his shield before diving on the slippery organ, bellowing that it must be important. Catching it in both hands, he dashes away from the battlefield with great urgency, ransacking the nearby kitchens until he finds a satisfactory receptacle in which to stow his sliced off piece. He finds a full jar of pickled eggs ! He carefully wipes the grit off the spleen and places it inside for safekeeping and, he hopes, later use [3].
Aware of his knightly contract of honour to his fellow adventurers, Sir Keardwall sprints out of the kitchen to re-enter the fight. He comes face to face with a French sergeant-at-arms! Having neither sword nor shield to fight with, he holds the jar before him like a holy relic and punches the sergeant in the face! He flies back some hundred feet, and smashes against the castle outer wall [6]: it commences to crumble! The Frenchman is struck down!
Wound Acquired Severed spleen! Heavy bleeding! HOP in chase of the fleeing frenchie
Witness to the fresh destruction wrought upon his countrymen and their castle, the lone soldier before Sir Meynard attempts to escape his frenzied grasp; but the one-legged knight is too fast! He hops after the miscreant, and brings his mighty warhammer down upon the crown of his head. He snaps his skull! He is struck down!
Meynard Froths an Affirmative
Sir Meynard the Sure, Bringer of Gory Death, comes face to face with the Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, and together they renew the English assault on the French. They French retreat! They start to flee before this grisly sight!
Wound Still Acquired! Broken leg!Attempt to remove chamberpot from head. Apply chamberpot to head of nearest Frenchman.
As the French soldiers stream out of the castle, they run past a preoccupied Sir Conchobar, who is attempting to remove a chamber pot from his face and head. He is not having great success [2], but in his wild and blinded flailing he happens to strike a fleeing foe in the face with his armoured bonce. He strikes him down! The French retreat soon turns into a rout; there appeareth not to be a single soldier left about.
Titles Acquired!Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits!
Sir Meynard the Sure, Hopping Bringer of Gory Death!
Sir Conchobar the Gruesome, Potted Insulter of Mothers!
Rid yonder cellar of yonder rats! These rats are nothing to my mighty blade!
In fact, very soon the only combat occurring in the thrice-cursed castle is in the cellar, where the still cow-attired Sir Feyman fights nobly against a swarm of fetid rodents. He slays first one; he slays another; but then one of the pustulent pests jumps up to invade his cowsuit, and slips down his leg! It starts to gnaw his foot! Arm waving about his panicked body in the stinking dark, Feyman fails to notice the last step into the cellar: he slips and is knocked out [1]!
Name: Sir Keardwall the Exteriorly Spleened, Stony Defeater of Bandits.
Bio: So named for his rather unyielding demeanour towards his foes, and those of God and the King, Sir Keardwall the Stony was a natural choice for such a quest as this. Bearing a near-permanent frown, stout forehead and a square, manly beard, not to mention his well-kept armour, Sir Keardwell is the very picture of courage and skill-at-arms.
Enjoys fighting for King and Country, feasting heartily, and glaring stonily at those who cross him. Apart from his lance he wields a broadsword and a shield, upon which is displayed his family's crest, which involves a castle on a mountain guarded by a red dragon. He would never dream of refusing such a mission from his Lord, but of course the sorry state of his financial affairs offered an extra incentive to set out on this grand journey. After all, what born warrior would wish to be cooped up in a castle all day, counting tithes and taxes when he could be out doing great deeds?!
Traits Fearsome frown of fierceness, loud voice.
Retinue Member: Standard Bearer, Gertad Brownfoot. Old fellow who faithfully follows Sir Keardwall on his travels on a small pony, bearing the noble Knight's coat-of-arms for all to see. Always glad to recite a few of his Lord's deeds for any audience, he speaks sweeter still when his tongue is greased with alcohol.
Chivalry: 4.
Arm Wrestles Won: 0/1.
Inventory: Jar of pickled eggs, a spleen.
Name: Sir Meynard the Sure, Hopping Bringer of Gory Death.
Bio: Meynard is not sure because he always knows, He is the other kind of sure. If he decides on a task, he will keep on trying until he succeeds, or there is incontrovertible proof that it is no longer possible. He Wields his great Warhammer "Drakhen" in the crucible of battle.
Deceased Retinue Member: Maddy, the Falcon Handler; Long time companion of Meynard, Maddy was entrusted with the knights Falcon, who he took everywhere.
Chivalry: 2.
Drinking Challenges Won: 0/1.
Wound Acquired! Broken leg.
Falcon Handlers: 0/1.
Name: Sir Feyman the Judging, Slayer of the Black Knight.
Bio: Sir Feyman gladly accepts his role in any quests, but is always suspicious of the motives of his fellow questers. He likes to play music, but doesn't have the opportunity very often. He fights with swords, but doesn't get too attached to his equipment.
Deceased Retinue Member: Maine the shy Minstrel. He usually followed Feyman around, blindly agreeing with him, even though he taught Feyman many things, including how to play music.
Chivalry: 4.
Duels Won: 1/1.
Arms: 1/2.
Minstrels: 0/1.
Name: Sir Conchobar the Gruesome, Potted Insulter of Mothers.
Bio: The stuff of legends, Conchobar is feared throughout the world. Not because of his deeds mind you, but because of his legendary ugliness. He is said to be so ugly that the heads of lesser men have shattered in his presence. It is also notable that his favored weapon is a man wearing spiked armor named Fiddles.
Traits: Unimaginably intimidating. Ridiculously ugly.
Retinue member: Fiddles the man club.
Chivalry: 4.
Arm Wrestles Won: 1/1.
Inventory: Chamber Pot.
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Topic: Roll to Seek the Grail! (Read 50731 times)