Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Gizogin]

Have nobles complaining that their rooms are too cold?  No worries, as soon as you link them up to your magma reservoir!  They'll never again have to worry about the draft when you install my patented Dwarven Central Heating System!  Now with an elaborate airlock system, because it wouldn't do to have those commoners enjoying the luxury of magma-heated floors.  When your noble grows tired of the DCHS, it is a simple matter to drain off the magma to the attached reservoir for disposal (or recycling, if you're into elfy things like that).  The DCHS is sure to please even the pickiest, mandatiest of nobles!  Yours for only the price of the iron furniture (and, to really give it that industrious feel, throw in an ironwood bed too)!  Only while supplies last!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

Maybe your mayor is tired of being covered with the blood of a thousand sieges.  In that case, don't send them all the way to the well for cleaning!  Instead, bring the bath to them!  The Dwarven Bath-In-Your-Room is guaranteed to make sure that your nobles never have to worry about being dirty again!  Just a few screw pumps, a door, a floodgate or two, a hatch cover, and some mechanisms, and you too can have the DBIYR for your nobles!  Be sure to lock the door when using the DBIYR, so that none of your lesser dwarves grow jealous of the luxury your deserving nobles have access to.  Afterwards, all the water can easily be collected for treatment.  Buy yours today!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

You can see how much my mayor enjoyed it!  I only switched it on for a second, but he raved for a week about how much he "enjoyed a fine bath recently!"

So, anyone else have ways of "treating" their nobles?  Please share!

[Necro910]

Have nobles complaining that their rooms are too cold?  No worries, as soon as you link them up to your magma reservoir!  They'll never again have to worry about the draft when you install my patented Dwarven Central Heating System!  Now with an elaborate airlock system, because it wouldn't do to have those commoners enjoying the luxury of magma-heated floors.  When your noble grows tired of the DCHS, it is a simple matter to drain off the magma to the attached reservoir for disposal (or recycling, if you're into elfy things like that).  The DCHS is sure to please even the pickiest, mandatiest of nobles!  Yours for only the price of the iron furniture (and, to really give it that industrious feel, throw in an ironwood bed too)!  Only while supplies last!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

Maybe your mayor is tired of being covered with the blood of a thousand sieges.  In that case, don't send them all the way to the well for cleaning!  Instead, bring the bath to them!  The Dwarven Bath-In-Your-Room is guaranteed to make sure that your nobles never have to worry about being dirty again!  Just a few screw pumps, a door, a floodgate or two, a hatch cover, and some mechanisms, and you too can have the DBIYR for your nobles!  Be sure to lock the door when using the DBIYR, so that none of your lesser dwarves grow jealous of the luxury your deserving nobles have access to.  Afterwards, all the water can easily be collected for treatment.  Buy yours today!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

You can see how much my mayor enjoyed it!  I only switched it on for a second, but he raved for a week about how much he "enjoyed a fine bath recently!"

So, anyone else have ways of "treating" their nobles?  Please share!

Acupuncture.

'Nuff said.

[DS]

I usually enlist problematic nobles into the military, so they can die a glorious death in battle!

...never mind whether or not they're properly trained. Or equipped.

[FoiledFencer]

I usually enlist problematic nobles into the military, so they can die a glorious death in battle!

...never mind whether or not they're properly trained. Or equipped.

Of course. What could be more glorious than a lone noble charging the goblin horde clad in his finest silks and brandishing nothing but his fists of dwarven fury?

[Necro910]

I usually enlist problematic nobles into the military, so they can die a glorious death in battle!

...never mind whether or not they're properly trained. Or equipped.

Of course. What could be more glorious than a lone noble charging the goblin horde clad in his finest silks and brandishing nothing but his beard of dwarven fury?

Fixed that for you.

[Quietust]

Acupuncture.

'Nuff said.

You're using that in addition to magma, right?

[Gizogin]

Acupuncture.

'Nuff said.

You're using that in addition to magma, right?

He's Necro910.  Do you really have to ask?

[DrKillPatient]

I usually enlist problematic nobles into the military, so they can die a glorious death in battle!

...never mind whether or not they're properly trained. Or equipped.

I did that, too. My mayor, Shem Spraygorge the Hardy Shield-Insanity of Color, is now a legendary axedwarf, second in skill only to the militia commander, and he's since singlehandedly solo'd a giantess in 2 1/4 pages of combat, finishing her off with a kick to the head whilst she was still standing up. I suspect he jumped several meters up (in full steel plate) to plant his foot in her brain.

If he ever tantrums, the fort's probably going to be collectively bisected.

[Necro910]

Acupuncture.

'Nuff said.

You're using that in addition to magma, right?

He's Necro910.  Do you really have to ask?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0QHw7iy1Rg

[Gizogin]

Acupuncture.

'Nuff said.

You're using that in addition to magma, right?

He's Necro910.  Do you really have to ask?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0QHw7iy1Rg

No!  Ponies have invaded my thread!

[Mitchewawa]

Come one, come all, to the fantastic noble gladiator pit! Watch a bunch of nobles go berserk after being locked in a room with no food or drink! Gaze in awe as the last one standing is left to die of infection!

All this and more in this bi-yearly event; the noble-fight of Bloodyanus! (Name not randomed)

[Ieb]

I give them the finest of rooms, the best furniture the fortress can produce and a detailed history/picture show in their every room, as well as tending to their whims, whether it's forbidding export of certain objects, producing trinkets, specific materials or hammering some dorf for failing to do one of the previously mentioned things.

...what? I've played so long that right now the nobles spice up what would otherwise be the same-old routine of "build fort, get steel, arm yourself and go down fighting".

[Gizogin]

Naturally, the fortress I built these in actually has awesome nobles.  My baroness likes iron and menacing spikes, and my mayor also likes iron.  Still, it's nice to know that I can easily dispose of anydwarf I dislike.

[buckets]

Have nobles complaining that their rooms are too cold?  No worries, as soon as you link them up to your magma reservoir!  They'll never again have to worry about the draft when you install my patented Dwarven Central Heating System!  Now with an elaborate airlock system, because it wouldn't do to have those commoners enjoying the luxury of magma-heated floors.  When your noble grows tired of the DCHS, it is a simple matter to drain off the magma to the attached reservoir for disposal (or recycling, if you're into elfy things like that).  The DCHS is sure to please even the pickiest, mandatiest of nobles!  Yours for only the price of the iron furniture (and, to really give it that industrious feel, throw in an ironwood bed too)!  Only while supplies last!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

Maybe your mayor is tired of being covered with the blood of a thousand sieges.  In that case, don't send them all the way to the well for cleaning!  Instead, bring the bath to them!  The Dwarven Bath-In-Your-Room is guaranteed to make sure that your nobles never have to worry about being dirty again!  Just a few screw pumps, a door, a floodgate or two, a hatch cover, and some mechanisms, and you too can have the DBIYR for your nobles!  Be sure to lock the door when using the DBIYR, so that none of your lesser dwarves grow jealous of the luxury your deserving nobles have access to.  Afterwards, all the water can easily be collected for treatment.  Buy yours today!

Spoiler: schematics (click to show/hide)

You can see how much my mayor enjoyed it!  I only switched it on for a second, but he raved for a week about how much he "enjoyed a fine bath recently!"

So, anyone else have ways of "treating" their nobles?  Please share!

Ah, I see you have stumbled upon the ancient art of "dealing with nobles", I remember that when I first came to these forums this method was so popular it was a much loved meme.