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[Vicount Legume]

I was wondering all over the internet and I just found this...

http://www.emergencypreparednessdepot.net/v/13_best_video_game_health_items/

Number five brought a little tear to my eye. It describes all my fortress hospitals except my latest one, which works perfectly.

I was wondering if anyone had any other great hospital tales...

[GreatWyrmGold]

Well, recently a bunch of daemons (modded civ) attacked me before I was ready and invaded my combnation hospital/dormitory/meeting area, but aside from tame jabberers and GCSs sacrificing themselves while killing a daemon or two, nothing awesome happened. It was just a slaughter.

[Vicount Legume]

Here's a pic of my hospital after the last gobbo attack, which featured two waves of Jabber riders and some Trolls.



The mayor got his legs smashed in whilst trying to make it back over the drawbridge. Most of the rest of them are suffering from rather minor complaints, one of the marksdwarfs took a bolt in the leg. They'll all be fixed up soon by my medical team. For my forts this is a very unusual state of affairs, usually they'd be dying of infection/starvation/hunger/lack of traction/ no plaster etc. etc.

[Darkening Kaos]

My best hunter was stabbed in the left foot by a childsnatcher and ended up in the hospital.  It took seven years for the hunter to finally get a crutch and leave her bed, I have no idea why the haulers would not take a crutch into the hospital, there was plenty of space, maybe the crutches just weren't fancy enough for the hunter.  Anyway, when Tolun left the hospital, I checked and she still had the large iron dagger embedded in her left foot - for the record, it was her only injury and it was infected and still is.

The upside was that while she was in the hospital, nobody else was injured in any fights.  Now I dread the next battle, might let the floor traps take over for a while.

Darkening Kaos, CIS.

[Edmus]

A hammerdwarf with a wife and three kids had his foot smashed in by a goblin lasher, for two weeks he was in hostpital, he was examined 25 times, then had his wound sutured, bones set, ect.
meanwhile I was laughing at the sheer number of times the doctors where examining him, then I noticed something...
They used adamantine to suture the wound!
now he's a soldier with a adamantine foot.

[Vicount Legume]

I'm hoping that one day dwarfen !!SCIENCE!! will be advanced enough to support bionics.

Then I can have a fellow who looks like this!

[BeforeLifer]

Basicly I had a woodcutter get attacked by a Giantantic panda, lost his hand as well as having his leg torn to shreds, and basicly my doctor was like, Hummmmmm I think you need a cutch *hands crutch* have nice day. No sutures no nothing-_-

[Ifeno]

My hand down favorite hospital story ever:

So one of my guys lost a leg to a violent ghost.  He was dragged to the hospital where my High-Master Chief Med Dwarf immediately diagnosed him.  The only problem was that apparently the CMD found nothing wrong with the poor fella.  6 years and well over 1000 diagnoses later my CMD is legendary, and we still can't seem to figure out whats wrong with our legless farmer.  I tried pointing it out to the CMD that our resting friend may have one leg too few, but he rejected my idea and kept tinkering with his scalpel and sedation kit.

[Time Blossom]

They used adamantine to suture the wound!

I noticed that on one of my miners the other day! Actually, I just noticed that he had adamantine strands in his inventory, and then I figured out that they were used for sutures. I've found one or two others since then, including one who's died--which now lets me know that when someone dies, their adamantine sutures stay behind. There's bound to be some symbolism there, somewhere. :|

Current and best story, though? My expedition leader was mining, caused a cave-in and has been in the hospital for the last nineteen months, eighteen of those in traction. He currently has an infection, not sure how long he's had it, but it's been a while. Anyway, the fun part is that I noticed and collated a few facts recently:

1) He's been ecstatic lately.
2) The female outpost liaison has been hanging out with him in the hospital ever since her caravan left over a year ago.
3) His arms are his only injuries.

Conclusion? He's been "conducting meetings" 24/7 for the last year and change. No wonder he doesn't want to leave the hospital. :p

[Loud Whispers]

My best one is of a tail of Orim Erithadim, the (slightly more) mad doctor. I had EVERYONE in training, and the children had massive kill gauntlets to go through. I knew the training had no effect other than ROOTING OUT THE WEEK and making parents unhappy, but watching them plummet 20~ is extremely satisfying. ANYHOW, Orim, mad arse doctor, fixes up some unlucky dwarf, goes to pick up a sphalerite BOULDER, goes into a rage and throws it at the poor dorf hobbling his way out of the hospital pit.

The sphalerite boulder caves in his skull.

Many lulz were had, and mad doctor Orim was given many promotions. And soap. Lotsa soap.

[The Master]

Orim, mad arse doctor, fixes up some unlucky dwarf, goes to pick up a sphalerite BOULDER, goes into a rage and throws it at the poor dorf hobbling his way out of the hospital pit.

The Master cancels living: Died of laughter.

[Loud Whispers]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[peregarrett]

My best one is of a tail of Orim Erithadim, the (slightly more) mad doctor. I had EVERYONE in training, and the children had massive kill gauntlets to go through. I knew the training had no effect other than ROOTING OUT THE WEEK and making parents unhappy, but watching them plummet 20~ is extremely satisfying. ANYHOW, Orim, mad arse doctor, fixes up some unlucky dwarf, goes to pick up a sphalerite BOULDER, goes into a rage and throws it at the poor dorf hobbling his way out of the hospital pit.

The sphalerite boulder caves in his skull.

Many lulz were had, and mad doctor Orim was given many promotions. And soap. Lotsa soap.

Holy carp!!!

"DON'T! FORGET! YOUR! PILLS!!!!!!! ARRRRRGHHHH!!!!!!"

[Telgin]

[Un]fortunately my hospitals haven't really had any horror stories.  I did have one guy bleed to death from like 5 broken limbs while scratched up dwarves were sutured, but I suspect that's the norm.  Triage and all that.

Instead, my hospital is usually where dwarves go to get infections (although they only rarely die from them).  I was afraid to try to make soap until recently, since I'd heard there were a lot of bugs with lye.  We'll see if it actually helps.

[Crustypeanut]

Someone mention.. hospital stories?

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=93256.0