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[Euld]

So I still get Christian-type news emails from when I really believed that kind of stuff.  Decided not to cancel it because I was waiting for them to send an interesting article that I could bring up here.  AND THE TIME HAS COME.  Well this one just caught my eye is all.  This is one about sex before marriage.  It's definitely aimed at Christians, but I wanted to discuss the logic involved anyway.

Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.

On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

Alice Fryling, in an article titled, Why Wait for Sex? writes:

    "Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."

Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, sited a study of 100,000 women that linked "early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem."

[KaelGotDwarves]

The only comment I'm making is that I found it otterly hilarious :3 that Alice Fryling had to specify "genital sex".

That's cute, and makes me wonder what other kind of sex they're into.

[LordBucket]

I wanted to discuss the logic involved

The article appears to be promoting a particular worldview, however...if one were a piece of canvas at an art school, and one allowed any art student to paint on you for year and year, it's extremely unlikely that anyone wishing to paint a portrait would choose you over a blank canvass.

Sex can be an emotionally defining event. If one wishes to one day have an emotional and sexual relationship with only one single person, for example...marriage, then spending years becoming accustomed to a lifestyle of shallow emotional attachment and casual sex with many partners probably isn't the wisest choice.

[Vector]

Alternatively, canvases do need to be primed.  Usually a picture is painted with layer upon layer, building up bit by bit.  Sometimes the picture changes mid-way.

[LordBucket]

Alternatively, canvases do need to be primed.  Usually a picture is painted with layer
upon layer, building up bit by bit.  Sometimes the picture changes mid-way.

Ok, but how do you "prime" the emotional state of a human being? How do you "prime" the sexual preferences of someone whose first orgasm was doing something that doesn't appeal to you? In my experience, emotionally and sexually significant events tend to stay with people for most of their lives.

Common sense question: who would have an easier time staying committed to a single relationship: the person who's only ever had one relationship, or the person's who's had several?

I'm not advising people which sort of lifestyle they should choose for themselves. But if anyone wants to have a stable, single "marriage" kind of relationship someday, then it makes sense to live that way rather than have lots of relationships and casually sleep around for years then suddenly expect to give it all up and commit to one person. And that applies to others too: if someone else has had 10 emotionally charged and/or sexually active relationships before you, it's going to be more difficult for them to stick with just one "from now on" than the person who's never had all those previous relationships.

[Duke 2.0]

 It's a bit of an odd analogy, and one can make it work with whatever view one wants without any real regard to the implied subject matter.

 I'm not gonna take a position here because both sides will devolve to making personal claims while the other side asks for sources to back them up.

 

Alternatively, canvases do need to be primed.  Usually a picture is painted with layer
upon layer, building up bit by bit.  Sometimes the picture changes mid-way.

Common sense question: who would have an easier time staying committed to a single relationship: the person who's only ever had one relationship, or the person's who's had several?

Subjective, depends on the person. Somebody could be burned out to the idea of multiple partners and decide they want only one partner. Somebody who has had only one relationship may feel the urge for something new and exotic. Perhaps a person who dedicates themself to one relationship will be really faithful about it, not really caring about romance outside of it. Could go either way.

[Virex]

The one who had several would know what she likes and what she's getting himself into. As a result, the relationship is much more likely to last, instead of crashing due to a mismatch between the ones involved or because of the inexperience of one of the partners.

[Duke 2.0]

The one who had several would know what she likes and what she's getting himself into. As a result, the relationship is much more likely to last, instead of crashing due to a mismatch between the ones involved or because of the inexperience of one of the partners.

Not an issue of having one relationship as much as not knowing how to court. If you don't spend at least six months getting to know the person then it doesn't matter how much experience you have. And people really should get to know themself before they get involved in relationships with others. Significant others do help you along that road, but the struggles involved seem like the stuff that would cause friction in a relationship.

[Max White]

Are they trying to mangle marriage and intimacy?
Because I agree to some extent that romance, dating, getting to know each other and really enjoying your time together is some what important, if not then enjoyable, thing to do before you get to sex, but that is far from marriage.

[Virex]

Wait, I thought we were talking about people that had multiple relationships versus complete strangers to relations? How does that exclude having multiple long-term or otherwise forming experiences?

[Max White]

I thought this was about premarital sex, like it says on the label. As in before or after marriage.

[KaelGotDwarves]

Also, speaking as a guy who went to BYU and lived among mormons...

I've heard many of the horror stories where those that *waited* until marriage to have sex suddenly had sex and the woman demanded they go to counseling because the man had no idea what to do and ... yeah.

Painful experiences all around.

[TheBronzePickle]

One thing about premarital sex is less about the sex itself: if two people can prove they can wait until they tie the knot to have sex, they're also more likely to have the patience with each other to stick through the hard times.

Another thing about premarital sex is that it can often bring the focus away from important things, like if there's certain facets of a couple that tend to annoy the opposite partners. Once the two are married, the issues tend to become more apparent, where they'll be more easily spotted and worked on before the marriage.

[Max White]

Also, speaking as a guy who went to BYU and lived among mormons...

I've heard many of the horror stories where those that *waited* until marriage to have sex suddenly had sex and the woman demanded they go to counseling because the man had no idea what to do and ... yeah.

Painful experiences all around.

Well dammit! It is complicated! There are so manny buttons and levers and gears, and the instruction manual is in spanish. I don't speak Spanish, do you?

[Duke 2.0]

 Seems less of an issue nowadays with sex ed. And I'm pretty sure there are a lot of first sexual relationships that don't break up then and there, so it can work out. Like my dozens of friends.