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[Di]

No catapult shooting again, oh well.

[varnish]

((how many mistakes can I make? A lot.))

Emergency in Oceanbridge, Part Two: A Series of Plans

Derm was pacing back and forth in barracks, ranting. “When are we going to do something about this damn siege? I’m sick of being trapped down here. It’s not right, not the dwarf thing to do. This new mayor is an even bigger coward than Person!”

Shina stood up dramatically, waving her sword (and nearly decapitating Bayar while doing so),  “Fear not, my brave commander! I have a cunning plan that will get us out of this mess.”

Derm gave her a suspicious look. “And what is that, Shina, I ask with a distinct sense of apprehension?”

“Well, you see this lever? The one that’s attached to all the monster cages up in the arena?”

"Yes? The one marked, do not pull, under any circumstances?"

Shina nodded, and pulled the lever.

Up above, Aka Flutepetal watched in amazement as the bar holding them in fell away.



By now, they were so infuriated that they wanted to kill the first thing they saw, which turned out to be the formerly caged goblins. The goblins saw the Ettin, shrieked, and ran. With a pair of happy roars, Aka gave chase.



They were disappointed when they ran into the pair of ambush squads that had just arrived, and even more disappointed when the goblins refused to run. Instead, they just hacked Aka to pieces.

The undead goat men failed to even notice, as they were far too busy chasing a sheep around the fortress halls.



“Shina, if you ever have a plan again, I am going to beat you to death with a bundle of sticks."

.................................................................

While that was going on, Remalle was being attacked by a troll.



When the soldiers finally made it down to the lower levels, the troll had already entertained itself by breaking most of Remalle’s limbs, repeatedly,



and was now trying to choke the life out of him. Cilob arrived first, and quickly lined up her crossbow and fired, or tried to. She realized too late that she had forgotten to bring bolts.

Dear Gods, she thought, I’ve just pulled a HWG. Well, in that case... She hefted her crossbow like a club and ran in screaming.



Remalle was hauled up one hundred levels to the hospital. As he survived that trip, Scientist felt that he had a good chance of surviving his treatment. Probably.
 
A New Drowning Trap:

Excerpt from the Holy Books of Oceanbridge

And should you find yourself threatened by Undead Goat Men, you should repeat Di the Mad Artillerist’s War Spell



DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS
DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS

And surely Rakust will appear and he will put them out.

And you will have gained great merit in His eyes.

..................................................................

Unfortunately, Undead Goat Men didn’t appear to need to breathe, which made drowning them difficult.



Some dwarfs thought that they even looked as though they were enjoying the bath. Jacen suggested throwing some soap into the pool.


Next: The Emergency Ends, Sort of, and the Final Toll.

[Ishar]

You could have just sealed them off somewhere, and address the problem later. Or, since they were (are?) already submerged, just pump some magma on them, and turn the whole thing into obsidian. That could have made a modern art piece: undead, eyeless goat men, frozen into volcanic rock.

[Remalle]

How badly hurt am I?

[Karakzon]

any named dwarfs dead from the surface sealing?

[Time Blossom]

Also, AN ARMY OF CAPYBARA DEMONS! YAAAAAY!

FTFY

[Masked_Hunter1825]

Capra demons are from Dark souls, and are giant undead goat man demons with two massive swords. I dislike them. Onwards with the bridge, we should make a toll booth as well, and collect things from caravans using the bridge!

[varnish]

Emergency in Oceanbridge, Part Three

With the goat men trapped, there remained only the goblins to take care of. Derm was confident that they would massacre the bastards. The only thing he was wondering was why he hadn’t been allowed to do it sooner.



“There’re five mace goblins there. There’s ten of us. Let’s kill ‘em quick, and then we’ll be back home in time for a good victory feast. Charge!”



And that, Balnash would later remember, was where everything went wrong.

Derm rushed the first goblin, but his first swing went wide. Before he could recover, the goblin brought its mace down on his shoulder, shattering the bone. Derm collapsed. Shina soon followed him, her leg crushed. Bayar managed to dispatch one before he too was wounded, falling to a blow to the head.



After that, it got worse.

 A short, violent fight later, only Heavy Weapons Guy, Balnash, and Cilob, and three goblins were left standing. Cilob and Guy had run out of bolts, as usual. The goblins advanced, smiling hideously, sure of their victory now. One of them reached down and yanked on the prone Derm's arm, just for the fun of it.

All of this left Balnash very angry. He was still just a recruit, but he wasn't going to stand and watch while his commander was tormented by some little monster, even if said monster was heavily armored and terrifying. He charged, alone, straight at the enemy.



He later described the experience as "like bein' in one of them strange moods, only the only tool I needed was my spear, for the stabbin'." Cilob and Guy followed him, but by the time they reached the battlefield, there was nothing left to do.

Balnash leaned on his spear, and breathed in deep. "You two better call down to the civilians, tell em we got a lot of wounded up here." He looked around. "Some dead, too."


((Well, that's that. Final death toll is eleven, mostly trapped on the surface, no named dwarfs. Every soldier except the three mentioned are badly wounded, though, and we're still technically under siege, as the goat things are just trapped in water. Magma might just be the solution, if I can get it to work.))

How badly hurt am I?

[bayar]

 

Any spine / leg / head injuries ?

[Time Blossom]

This is terrible!

I mean, really, if you lot are going to get yourselves injured like that I'm going to have Scientist put you all in traction under house arrest.

It's for your own good, after all. Hamlet knows best.

[Dermonster]

Do I even have any armor on? I should have full body masterwork steel at least.

[Ishar]

My hunter technically counts as military, right? I assume she's among the heavily wounded.

Another solution for the goat problem: build an artificial floor above them, then collapse that right on them. I know that would do some collateral damage, but fixing that might still be better than a magma-flooded fortress, although less fun.

[varnish]

Do I even have any armor on? I should have full body masterwork steel at least.

You had armor on. Do breastplates cover the shoulder? You had a mix of steel and adamantine, but for some reason the guy wasn't wearing the chain mail I ordered him to. I have to admit, the armor and equipment system still confuses me sometimes.

My hunter technically counts as military, right? I assume she's among the heavily wounded.

Another solution for the goat problem: build an artificial floor above them, then collapse that right on them. I know that would do some collateral damage, but fixing that might still be better than a magma-flooded fortress, although less fun.

Dang, I knew I forgot someone. Your guy got a broken leg. The entire army is going to go into battle on crutches the next fight, I swear.

I like the floor idea. I may try it.

The next update will be on everyone

[TurkeyXIII]

Do I even have any armor on? I should have full body masterwork steel at least.

No!  We need the steel for the bridge!

[Masked_Hunter1825]

Heavy weapons is bringin' the pain with his Saxxy Award.