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[RenoFox]

EA's newest hit Dwarf Fortress: Retribution takes the popular franchise into a bold new direction. Abandoning the ASCII in favor of state-of-the-art graphics, this immersive game presents Dwarf Fortress as it was always meant to be played.

"I have always been an avid fan of Dwarf Fortress, and I'm proud to finally make it into a game that is as accessible to new players as it is for the veterans." says John Thompson from the EA marketing division. "From the first person perspective you get a perfect view to the dark, claustrophobic mines where the goblins and demons are waiting for you behind each corner."

The damage system is more streamlined, while keeping the classic splints and crutches as health pickups. The accurate bodypart-centric damage is also there, and in boss fights like the dragon you must first destroy its claws before getting a chance to strike its heart. Dwarf Fortress boasts over a dozen different weapons and an unique crafting system for upgrading them for either speed, damage or accuracy. "I always loved the detailed geology in the original game. That is why each gem has an element associated with it for a temporary stat boost."

While the plot of Dwarf Fotress: Retribution is still a secret, the pre-release cutscenes have given some insights into the new world EA has created. You take on the role of Ulrich the dwarf, and with the aid of the beautiful elven sorceress Cacame you are sent down to the deepest mines to assault the gobling fortress. Ulrich is betrayed by his commander and he discovers a great secret threatening the fate of the world itself.

The Dwarf Fortress has indeed come a long way from its humble origins and matured into a full-fledged fantasy shooter. Fast-paced combat and the dark setting are sure to make this a must-have for fantasy gamers and hardcore online gamers alike.

Details:
-Three levels raging from mines and underground caverns to the massive dark fortress
-Collect the mysterious adamantium to increase your stats and gain new abilities
-Buy new armors, ranging from rope reed clothes to golden plate mail
-5 boss fights against the most imaginative monsters ever created
-Five different weapons with three upgrades each
-Helpful support characters with healing spells and offensive magic
-12 player multiplayer with modes like deathmatch arena and mine flags

[Neonivek]

That is why each gem has an element associated with it for a temporary stat boost.

This was sort of the only part that made me laugh, because they would do it.

Though my problem with this Satire is that for the most part... It doesn't seem like it is about Dwarf Fortress... it is like you just chose another game and called it Dwarf Fortress.

It should feel like it was Dwarf Fortress with its soul sucked out. Not "Some game with Dwarf Fortress put infront of it"

MIND you... don't listen to me... because that is the EXACT SAME THING that happened with X-Com

[RenoFox]

They did it to Syndicate too, which is why I don't believe they can do anything but FPS and sports games anymore.

They pissed off Somethingawful as well.

[Neonivek]

They did it to Syndicate too, which is why I don't believe they can do anything but FPS and sports games anymore.

They pissed off Somethingawful as well.

*Hits head on wall*

Why is EA even allowed to exist?

I actually didn't mind X-com when I first heard of it. I thought it was some sort of prequil for X-com that was going to be a first person shooter with strategy and mystery elements thrown in. It sure as HECK didn't end up that way.

[Oliolli]

The hate is spreading... EA hate threads are a daily event on the SteamPowered Users Forum, now they start appearing here as well?

[janglur]

What can we say?  EA has ruined everything they've ever gotten their hands on, and haven't put a decent game out since roughly 1998.
EA is where game companies (and games) go to die.

[Neonivek]

What can we say?  EA has ruined everything they've ever gotten their hands on, and haven't put a decent game out since roughly 1998.
EA is where game companies (and games) go to die.

That isn't true, they have had a few successes... Grand successes

The problem is that EA can never have nice things and they always end up mucking it up by the end. (for example Will actually said that EA were the ones who saved The Sims)

[JimmyBobJr]

If EA got the rights... I would feel really bad. But i would hope that they would do good with it. Then cry as they dont.

But i still think people are hating too much on EA- they do release games. Good Games. Games like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Mirrors Edge, Rock Band, Dead Space, Crysis and not to mention the Sims.

I dont really get why theres sooo much hate.

[Ieb]

If EA got the rights to Dwarf Fortress, I would build a basement of my own, learn to code and make my own Dwarf Fortress clone.

With black jacks, and hookers!

[Where_are_the_gnomes?]

NO! Dwarf fortress will remain in development by a countably small number of people (by which I mean countable on a hand) for all eternity!

[Jacob/Lee]

EA has a hyper-fast necrosis-causing touch to any game it gets the rights to.

[peskyninja]

if what the OP is saying happens :

[HungryHobo]

EA games are just what you get when you design everything by committee.

EA runs a lot of focus groups, they do everything by the numbers and the problem with that can be summed up by the old henry ford quote.

"If I'd asked customers what they wanted, they would have said "a faster horse"."

they ask their existing customers what they want. their customers are the kind of people who buy fifa 2009, fifa 2010 and fifa 2011.

their customers just think of their favorite generic FPS and say "I's wan dat"

EA listens.

there's a similar problem in movies. Anyone here who reads Terry Pratchett will get this one about how the Mort movie hit the rocks:

'A production company was put together and there was US and Scandinavian and European involvement, and I wrote a couple of script drafts which wet down well and everything was looking fine and then the US people said 'Hey, we've been doing market research in Power Cable, Nebraska, and other centes of culture, and the Death/skeleton bit doesn't work for us, it's a bit of a downer, we have a prarm with it, so lose the skeleton". The rest of the consortium said, did you read the script? The Americans said: sure, we LOVE it, it's GREAT, it's HIGH CONCEPT. Just lose the Death angle, guys. Whereupon, I'm happy to say, they were told to keep on with the medication and come back in a hundred years.' -- Terry Pratchett


you can be sure that with XCOM and many other titles which EA has ruined some suit was put in charge of it and never once actually played the original game(though never admitted it).

[Stefrist]

I haven't read everything from this post, but the reference to Populous and what EA is doing with it..
Well.. ehm.. is http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/populous-syndicate-xcom.php actually serious?

I remember populous as a Hippy world builder and this is just strage..

[Ieb]

They should get Bioware on this too.
So we'd get that relationship thing which ends with little Urist being born right at the end credits.

And then the Fey mood hits your wife.
Cue DLC, which is a Pikmin-clone where you need to hunt materials for your wife or she DIES.