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[Necro910]

First "Goblin Aquarium" unveiled at Redwork!

This just in, the dwarves of the settlement of Redwork have done something remarkable.  They have created an aquarium of goblins under their meeting hall.  Here is Urist McInterviewer's outstanding interview with the mastermind behind it all.

Urist: "Why are the goblins in the aquarium dead?  This isn't a real aquariu-"

BREAKING NEWS!
Urist McInterviewer has had an unfortunate accident, it appears that he has fell into the goblin aquarium.  No question of foul play in this incident.

Bonus points if you have LIVE goblins under your meeting hall, and have a bridge/trapdoor for cheesemakers.

EDIT: By live, I mean 6/7 water.

[Ubiq]

SLICK HICK NICKS WICKS PICKS

Urist Likotkekim reporting.

A scene of chaos erupted today in the fortress when respected local weaponsmith Urist Lishkol, known as Wick to his friends, threw a tantrum in the dining hall and destroyed several valuable works of arts. Mr. Lishkol was soon calmed down via the local constables as were the several masons enraged by the actions of the aforementioned Urist.

Questioning by the Sheriff revealed that Mr. Lishkol was angered when the skulking vermin known as kobolds, damn their beardless hides, had stolen several valuable picks that he had forged himself the day before. While it was understood by all involved that the treacherous actions of these hairless kobold scum, may their eggs all rot in Hell, would be considered an affront to all proper bearded folk, this still does not forgive the actions of Mr. Lishkol in that he inflicted a similar injury on others and further lowered the value of the fort itself.

In an unrelated matter, Lishkol has been sentenced twenty hammer strikes for violating a production order to produce three silk bags and one additional strike for his attack on a newly arrived Soapmaker, Urist Kizabmigrur, concurrent with the damaging of the statues in the dining room. The additional strike was added since the Soapmaker lived.

[CapnUrist]

Engineers Unveil "Drowning Depot" at Tombsoul
Analysts claim new construction will bring about prosperity for hamlet

As spring returned to the outpost of Tombsoul, the pioneers left their temporary lodgings to find the Trade Depot had been enclosed within a large building. The engineer, who asked that his name be left out of our report, stood outside, explaining that with the complex workings within the new Depot, trade negotiations with the neighboring elven lands would become far more favorable. The dwarves were dubious, but after a few short weeks, the claim was validated when the elves, after entering the depot, agreed to relinquish their entire caravan at no cost, before talks had even begun. The unnamed engineer ensured us that this was due to the impressive construction of the Depot, but one miner said he'd seen the elves being dragged out the back, dripping and pale, along with their oxen, and that the nearby pond was strangely low for the spring thaw.

[Necro910]

Engineers Unveil "Drowning Depot" at Tombsoul
Analysts claim new construction will bring about prosperity for hamlet

As spring returned to the outpost of Tombsoul, the pioneers left their temporary lodgings to find the Trade Depot had been enclosed within a large building. The engineer, who asked that his name be left out of our report, stood outside, explaining that with the complex workings within the new Depot, trade negotiations with the neighboring elven lands would become far more favorable. The dwarves were dubious, but after a few short weeks, the claim was validated when the elves, after entering the depot, agreed to relinquish their entire caravan at no cost, before talks had even begun. The unnamed engineer ensured us that this was due to the impressive construction of the Depot, but one miner said he'd seen the elves being dragged out the back, dripping and pale, along with their oxen, and that the nearby pond was strangely low for the spring thaw.

I detect but one flaw in this design.

The unnamed engineer ensured us that this was due to the impressive construction of the Depot, but one miner said he'd seen the elves being dragged out the back, dripping and pale, along with their oxen, and that the nearby pond was strangely low for the spring thaw.

WHY ARE THE ELVES STILL ALIVE? WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SLOWLY DROWNED AND THEN GROUND TO DUST?

WHY HAS ARMOK NOT BEEN GIVEN TRIBUTE?!

[PRONE_TO_RAGE:7]

[Kofthefens]

Recently, reports have come in of a misplaced trout by none other than the ghost Momuz Solozlolok. The victim was later found on the ground outside the fort, appearing to have suffered an impact.

Mistem Ustuthur is quoted as saying, "I was just getting some socks, and then WHAM! this fish comes flying out of nowhere. I'm just am grateful to Armok I wasn't hit."

The Mayor, one Zulgar Dorentid describes the remains as "...It was a pancake. A bloody pancake." The Mayor then went off to cry in a corner.

[CapnUrist]

The unnamed engineer ensured us that this was due to the impressive construction of the Depot, but one miner said he'd seen the elves being dragged out the back, dripping and pale, along with their oxen, and that the nearby pond was strangely low for the spring thaw.

WHY ARE THE ELVES STILL ALIVE? WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SLOWLY DROWNED AND THEN GROUND TO DUST?

WHY HAS ARMOK NOT BEEN GIVEN TRIBUTE?!

[PRONE_TO_RAGE:7]

Oh, I never said they were alive. The corpses of drowned humanoids tend to get very pale and bloated, especially with time, and it took several days to empty the depot.

[Necro910]

The unnamed engineer ensured us that this was due to the impressive construction of the Depot, but one miner said he'd seen the elves being dragged out the back, dripping and pale, along with their oxen, and that the nearby pond was strangely low for the spring thaw.

WHY ARE THE ELVES STILL ALIVE? WHY HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SLOWLY DROWNED AND THEN GROUND TO DUST?

WHY HAS ARMOK NOT BEEN GIVEN TRIBUTE?!

[PRONE_TO_RAGE:7]

Oh, I never said they were alive. The corpses of drowned humanoids tend to get very pale and bloated, especially with time, and it took several days to empty the depot.

Thank you.

Overseer Necro910 and Armok are pleased.