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[Shawtay]

My roommate just came in extremely drunk. What do I do? -.-

[Haschel]

Well that depends, is there a reason you should be doing something?

[Shawtay]

He can't stand by himself and has been in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. Sorry, I'm a freshman in college and this is the first time something like this has happened. Totally overwhelmed.

[AllThingsLive]

Ye olde carrot up the buttocks?

[Shawtay]

Ye olde carrot up the buttocks?

What is this I don't even

[Bauglir]

If life-threateningly, call an ambulance.
If loud, loud music or earplugs or those headphones that also cover your ear and blot out extraneous noise.
If persistently annoying, close and lock door to your room (depending on whether roommate refers to sharing an actual room, or sharing an apartment, which varies).

Otherwise, I can't help you; later tomorrow, you may want to discuss this with your roommate and explain why it bothers you and ask if they could either tone down the alcohol or else try to behave a bit better when drunk, but there's no doing that successfully until they're sobered up and past the hangover (if any).

EDIT: You... may want to call 911 about that if your roommate gets any worse or shows any signs of having passed out. Otherwise, in between vomiting, try to get them to drink water and/or gatorade-type stuff, but don't force him to, especially if he complains about an upset stomach. If it's going to come up anyway, there's no point, and the goal here is to avoid dehydration. Make sure your roommate does not drown in vomit or the toilet. Under no circumstances give your roommate acetaminophen (tylenol, I believe); ibuprofen (advil) is fine.

ADDITIONAL EDIT: When I say pass out, I mean more of a blackout type of thing. If they just fall asleep, they are probably fine-ish; it can be hard to tell the difference, I guess, I don't have much practical experience. Check to ensure a steady pulse and breathing, is what I'd do but honestly this isn't a situation I've been in myself.

FINAL EDIT: The acetaminophen thing isn't going to have immediate consequences, it's just that the combination of that particular drug and alcohol can best be described as a Liver Disaster. One instance probably won't have a noticeable effect, but it could, and that shit does some really nasty stuff to your liver. They synergize really badly.

[Heron TSG]

Acetaminophen is an antihistamine, so most cold/allergy medicines should be avoided as well, just in case. Yes, liver disaster indeed.

If they fall asleep, put their head on its side so that vomit runs out instead of back down.

[Bauglir]

Yeah, this is tangential, but so many cough syrups are such a bad idea. Whose brilliant idea was it to manufacture a solution of acetaminophen in 10-20% alcohol? Way to go, guys. Protip, avoid the ones that do that. That's not information you need tonight, though.

[Criptfeind]

Sure. You could follow these guys advice and have to put up with a drunken roommate for god knows how long. On the other hand, one black out over the toilet and you can get a whole new roommate.

And if they are not quite that drunk, a small amount of pressure applied in the right area can have the same results.

[Heron TSG]

Yes, alternatively, you could commit criminal neglect.

Just make sure they survive long enough that you can get mad at them.

[Askot Bokbondeler]

he's just drunk, he'll hopefully fall asleep soon, if he doesn't he probably isn't drunk enough to be in danger, unless you count the stupid
like they said, just check if he doesn't fall asleep on his back or he might drown in vomit.
drunk people generally snore, or at least breathe very loudly, if he seems abnormally silent and still call 911.

don't panic, people get drunk all the time, and unless he is driving, he isn't in serious danger. you'll probably get to witness this every weekend from now on.

[Shawtay]

In case you wanted an update, I contacted my RA and he deemed it as very very bad. (Also his first as an RA) He called campus security, who then called paramedics, who then took him away. They came and said I did the right thing, yadda yadda. But... yeah. That was my night. Thanks you guys for helping me, in a way.

[Caz]

good going, shawtay.

[ChairmanPoo]

What's a RA?

Alcohol and acetaminophen don't use the same direct pathway so it won't necessarily induce "liver disaster". A quick skim shows that chronic alcohol comsumption does apparently lower the toxic dosage threshold, though (it still isn't overly low, though). Note that I'm not advising or condoning taking acetaminophen while drunk, but it's far from the "death cocktail" it's being touted as. Chances are you'd not get sick by taking it (unless you pushed the dose). The biggest problem I see with using acetaminophen against hangover is that it's unlikely to do jackshit. It's as weak a drug as they come.

[Shawtay]

RA stands for resident's assistant. Basically, an older student who takes care of everything in the dorm. (sometimes it's by floor, in the case of bigger dorms.) He's let me into the dorm multiple times because I've forgotten my keys. He also takes care of mediating roommate problems. Stuff like that.