Monday: 4.28pmRELEASE FISTS OF RAGE ON SWAT.
Leaping out of the janitorial cupboard in which you so miserably failed to upgrade your melee weapon, you release your FIST OF RAGE on the SWAT team stalking down the corridor [1]. The FIST OF RAGE explodes! The SWAT team disintegrates in a shower of pure RAGE! Your arm is split asunder! The pain is great!
Melee weapon lost! FIST OF RAGE Morale Drop! Only got one arm!
Morale Drop! This hurts!
Morale Drop! Extreme bleeding!
Fail! Destroyed a SWAT team!
Fail! Not doing your research!
Task Assigned! Continue your research!
Failure Rating: 19.
Morale: -5.
Powder Woodcutter knew he was probably screwed. The only thing he could beat the elf bowmen with was throwing his chainsaw. CHAINSAW TOSS ULTIMATE ABILITY GOOOO!
Defiant till the end, you refuse to yield! You activate
CHAIN-KATANA TOSS ULTIMATE ABILITY, hurling the CHAIN-KATANA directly at the three dozen SWAT officers aiming their MP5s at you. It strikes the officer holding the megaphone who demanded your surrender! It passes directly through him! His blood sprays out! The CHAIN-KATANA flies along on its fearful and bloody path of destruction, cutting a swathe straight through the SWAT platoon, before returning in a miraculous arc of boomerangic death, as if guided by the God of Dwarven blood-doom himself. It airbursts immediately above the SWAT teams! They are shattered! They are struck down! Every surface within one hundred feet is covered in blood and pancreases! The handle of the CHAIN-KATANA is all that remains, and flies straight at your crawling body. It slices off your other leg [6].
Morale Boost! Powder Woodcutter: No-Legged Dwarven Warrior!!
Morale Drop! Painful cut on your left leg!
Morale Drop! Painful cut on your right leg!
Morale Drop! No CHAIN-KATANA!
Morale Boost! DESTRUCTO-HURL!
Fail! Mass Police Officer Murderer!
Fail! On Company Time!
Failure Rating: 49.
Morale: 8.
Powder Woodcutter has gone more berserk. Warning! Warning! You have reached ULTRAFAIL! At this level of incompetence, all GenCorp staff are encouraged to slay you mercilessly and will receive tax-free cash and Morale bonuses for doing so! You will not be fired! "Well, hol-ee shit how did they think up something this boring."
Danny's eyes (probably surrounded by swelling) dart up to the clock, then back to the screen. Surely this pointless task was all just some new-colleague hazing, and they didn't really expect him to do it? But then again, he could be wrong. Damnit, they didn't tell him about this kinda stuff at job edu-- Oh wait, he didn't pay attention at job education class. Shit. Well, best to be on the safe side.
He groans, shifts in his seat and rubs at his bruised head, then continues. But to keep himself amused, he begins slightly changing the words of the various people, so that rather than discussing... Well, whatever boring crap they're on about, they're discussing Gencorp's villainous, sci-fi movie style plot to take over the world, through use of giant robots! Just like in that movie he saw that one time.
Danny snickers as he types, thinking himself very funny. And after all, if someone actually reads this rubbish, he can just blame ghosts, or terrorists, or dark magicians or something for screwing with the servers. He pauses periodically to wipe blood off his face, rub his head and glance around to make sure no bosses/fellow employees are sneaking up on him.
You write what you consider to be an awesome screenplay about ghostly GenCorp robo-terrorists fighting the Dark Magicians of Freedom in a post-capitalist world. It’s tremendously funny, but you can’t quite shake the feeling you’ve seen something similar before. You’ve pretty much finished when you realise it must just about be time to go home [5].
Morale Boost! Hilarious and dark script!
Morale Boost! Perhaps you’ll be famous!
Success! Minuted the tediously long teleconference!
Task Completed! Minuted the tediously long teleconference!
Failure Rating: 20.
Morale: -15.
Warning! Your morale level indicates that you are close to depression. This will affect your ability to work.Tracy screamed and knocked the severed foot off her face. "I just want to fit in, I just want to fit in, I just want to fit in!!!" she babbled. Slowly, painfully, she dragged herself behind the reception desk and hid herself from the horrors in front of her. In doing so she noticed two things that she desperately needed. One was a medical kit. The other was the report she needed to type up. That's it! If I type up this report I'll definitely fit in! She dragged herself in to the receptionist chair and brought up MicroElf Word 2011, preparing to type like she had never typed before!
You type the crap out of that damned report, knowing that it’s your last chance for social salvation [4]. It’s a masterpiece! You email it to every employee of GenCorp, signing “Tracy xxx” at the bottom. They’ll all love you now! Then you spot the first aid kit under the desk, and in your success-fueled enthusiasm you figure why not patch yourself up?
You start applying a bandage to your awful facial wounds and wrap a long clean bandage around your head. As you go to trim it down to a manageable length with the surgical scissors though, you slice off your ear! Blood pours down your neck! In your hysterical panic you hardly notice the GenCorp employees start to stream out of the building [1]. It’s home time.
Morale Boost! Finally you’ll be able to fit in!
Morale Drop! Arggh! The horror! Perhaps you won’t!
Morale Drop! Argggghhh! The blood!
Success! Got that report typed up!
Success! Assisting reception!
Task Completed! Typed up the report!
Task Completed! Assisted reception!
Failure Rating: 42.
Morale: -18.
Warning! Your morale level indicates that you are close to depression. This will affect your ability to work. Warning! You have reached MEGAFAIL! You are NOT IMPORTANT enough to be fired by BRUCE HALFORD HIMSELF, although you ARE blessed to have seen him. Your Morale is NEGATIVELY affected by your impending unemployment. Go SSJ5 and proceed to dominate them using awesome breakage of the laws of the physics.
You try to transform into a
fictional character using sheer force of will [1]: your hair explodes! You grow a tail! Luckily you have more… luck [4] in breaking the laws of physics, and when the DeathBot shoots its laser-based raygun at you, you hold up your hand and reflect it directly back! It reflects directly back off the DeathBot! The deathray is trapped in an infernal loop!
You notice it is time to clock off for the day.
Success! Guarding reception!
Morale Drop! Smashed crotch!
Morale Drop! Smashed knees!
Morale Drop! Severed foot!
Morale Drop! Impending doom!
Task Completed! Guarded reception a bit!
Failure Rating: 7.
Morale: -15.
Go and get a coffee and ask one of the IT drones to help me find out who hacked my blog on the way back, preferably one I haven't written about.
Returning from your meeting, you grab a coffee from the HR-only fresh coffee cafetiere. You feel mightily revived! You go off to search for an IT worker to help you with your hacked blog problem, and you successfully bribe one with fresh coffee.
He works out who hacked your blog: it’s your brother! The dude from IT gets so into his counter-hacking in fact that he hacks your brother’s email and finds out about
his blog! You read all his dirty anonymously posted secrets! You cut and paste them directly onto your own blog!
You weren’t adopted!
You’re not being divorced!
You haven’t been sacked!
You’re in your parents’ will! You call your parents [6].
Screw you, “brother”! You’re going home!
Success Nice coffee!
Morale Boost! ENORMOGOSSIP!
Task Assigned Attend licensed janitor accreditation morning tomorrow!
Failure Rating: 4.
Morale: -1.
… … … … … …
The holographic face of the handsome BRUCE HALFORD descends from the ceiling in front of GenCorp’s latest crop of recruits.MULTISTAFF ANNOUNCEMENT!
FOR YOU CHOSEN FEW, IT IS TIME TO GO HOME! BUT YOU SHALL RETURN TOMORROW! PLEASE REPORT AT 9AM SHARP AT TESTING RANGE ER ROOM RED SEVEN 47! … … … … … …
How do you get home?Anything particular you might do there?
Author
Topic: Roll to Work at GenCorp! Tuesday: The End: A New CEO. (Read 64891 times)