Monday: 10.05amSatoshi, forgetting entirely about the boss's 10 o'clock walk due to getting lost in his task, continued to work on the lift. He was sure he would have it repaired soon; it was just a case of a few wires chewed through by mice or rats or something. Nothing he couldn't fix!
You carry on fixing the lift [5+1] – it looks like it’s just a few wires been chewed through by rats or… pigeons? What the hell is a dead pigeon doing in the lift shaft? And another? You search around a bit in the dark – ah man, NOW you're picking up pigeon parts! With your bare hands [2]! There must be at least half a dozen dead pigeons down here!
Well, at least the lift’s working.
Morale Boost! Satisfying repair job…
Morale Drop! Totally ruined by touching pigeon guts!
Fail! You're not picking up the right pigeon parts!
Task Assigned! Clean up dead pigeon!
Failure Rating: 11.
Morale: 3.
Daniel looks on with horror, as the task became apparent. He decides to get the fall-back plan. Go to another person. See if he can't get any cleaning supplies. If he can't then just... Do the task.
You think perhaps you can find another more easy going cleaner and wander off to the other Cleanliness Resource cupboard. A Cleanliness Resource Sub-Operator is there, having a cup of coffee – you manage to talk him into loaning you an industrial sized bottle of industrial strength UberClean: that should do the job.
You thank him and promise to get it back as soon as you’re done and just as you’re about to turn and leave the Cleanliness Resource Sub-Operator all but spits his coffee out all over your face. He grabs his mop as fast as he can and starts looking busy!
“Aw dude, the boss – you’d best make yourself scarce man.”
BOSSCHECK!The boss walks up to you. His face looks pretty red.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing Daniel? I told you to clean the goddamn toilet out, not have another goddamn coffee break! My rounds are gonna take me past that bathroom in five minutes and I wanna see you elbow deep son! If that toilet’s still blocked when I get there I’m… I’m… Why the hell are you covered in coffee? Didn’t I tell you to make yourself presentable just now? I swear Daniel, I’m…”
He trails off in a righteous and hygienic fury and continues on his rounds.
BOSSCHECK FAILMorale Boost! Friendly Cleaner!
Fail! Coffee stains!
Fail! Boss’s righteous fury!
Morale Drop! Unfair tirade!
Task Assigned! Unblock toilet!
Failure Rating: 13.
Morale: -1.
Tell the man that, hypothetically, if I was to go out with him, he would really need to have to finish this job for me - guys who do my work for me are great! Allow him to do so, and leave.
Either way, once it's done I make to my desk and begin typing again. Calming, Calming typing. Try to get there by 10.
You suggest he helps you cleaning up all the bits of pigeon, he says sure, if he can have your number [3]. You give him a fake extension and tell him he can call you at lunch if he really wants [6] and he bags the pigeon parts and takes them away.
“Yeah,” he says, “I know just what to do with these badboys…” He walks off, smirking.
You get back to your desk and start typing hard [6+1]. You type so hard smoke and a burning smell start coming from your antiquated computer! Damn.
Morale Boost! Gave that loser a fake number!
Success! Task completed!
Task Complete! Fix the
elevator lift!
Failure Rating: 11.
Morale: -4
Sato: Task Complete! Clean up dead pigeon!
Sato: Failure Rating: 8.Toby, clearly resenting this harmful task, decides to try persuade the researcher..
"Errr yeah...um.. we got.. new orders from the boss.. apperently the board has decided that, in order to maximize the productivity of the company, the employed has to shift tasks with each other. Sooo... YOU will be the one testing and I'll be handling the formal details"
“Ahahaha, good try son, erm, no. I’ve already smelt enough of this during the production and bottling phase. Anyway, we’ve got to get this done quick, I’ve got a seminar to give in ten minutes. Come on, sniff it up and then make your notes.” [3].
Sensing she means business, you sit down on the sofa and make yourself comfortable. Well, as comfortable as someone who’s just been re-graded as a fartsniffer could be. The researcher stands over you as you open the first bottle.
“Go on, take a good deep sniff. It’s 100% natural, we’re just trying to isolate which compounds make it smell worst – this is important research.”
You take a deep smell of the first test tube [2]: ah MAN it’s disgusting, you’re pretty close to being sick all over yourself, and there’s another five yet to go! You make some basic notes, rating the disgustingness from 1-10 and so forth.
Morale Drop! Oh god. What were they eating?!
Fail! Couldn’t get out of that one!
Task Assigned! Quick bit of research!
Failure Rating: 12.
Morale: 0.
Time to cause some chaos...
Make my own screen saver, but don't use until the boss has finished his rounds.
Bored of Solitaire, you make yourself busy designing an awesome screensaver [4]. It’s pretty good, even if you say so yourself. Hell, you find it irritating just testing the damn thing. Just as you close it the boss walks in. That was pretty close [2].
BOSSCHECK!“Jesus, Miller. You’re STILL sorting through all those papers? You wanna be an EWOP all your life? Get them sorted and filed in Blue Three Four 98 right now or I’m gonna bust you right down to sub-EWOP before you can blink.”
You don’t even get the chance to reply before he storms back out of the room in a cloud of fury.
BOSSCHECK FAILMorale Boost! Sweet screensaver!
Fail! Boss thinks you’re incompetent! At paper sorting!
Morale Drop! Couldn’t even answer back!
Task Assigned! File those stacks of paper now!
Failure Rating: 9.
Morale: 4.
BOSSCHECK FAILCould be going better.
Explain situation to guard [3], and ask his help locating the user [6].
“Erm well I’m just here looking for the keyboard that needs installing in room Red Four Two 26, but there’s no answer – can you help me out?”
“Sure,” the security guard explains, straight away, “Here.” He shoulder barges down the door, busting it off the hinges in one mighty blow.
“That’s probably gonna come off your wageslip you know. Sorry son.”
He walks off and you go into the room. There’s no one there!
Morale Drop! Wait, I’ve gotta pay??Fail! Shouldn't you have got that done by now?
Task Assigned! Help install keyboard!
Failure Rating: 12.
Morale: -3.