Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: Social Problems  (Read 1574 times)

Carcanken

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Social Problems
« on: September 12, 2011, 07:29:28 pm »

a
« Last Edit: July 24, 2018, 12:17:40 am by Carcanken »
Logged

Bdthemag

  • Bay Watcher
  • Die Wacht am Rhein
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2011, 07:41:21 pm »

First of all, don't assume your worse than other people because chances are your not. If you really want to be more social, try breaking out of your comfort zone with different interests. Try different things, possibly make friends in the process.
Logged
Well, you do have a busy life, what with keeping tabs on wild, rough-and-tumble forum members while sorting out the drama between your twenty two inner lesbians.
Your drunk posts continue to baffle me.
Welcome to Reality.

Carcanken

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2011, 07:42:38 pm »

First of all, don't assume your worse than other people because chances are your not. If you really want to be more social, try breaking out of your comfort zone with different interests. Try different things, possibly make friends in the process.

Well, I wasnt assuming anything, and I have tried that, even when i try too, i feel like a freaking fool when i do.
Logged

Bdthemag

  • Bay Watcher
  • Die Wacht am Rhein
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2011, 07:53:30 pm »

First of all, don't assume your worse than other people because chances are your not. If you really want to be more social, try breaking out of your comfort zone with different interests. Try different things, possibly make friends in the process.

Well, I wasnt assuming anything, and I have tried that, even when i try too, i feel like a freaking fool when i do.
Thats why its called breaking out of your comfort zone, sure your not comfortable with it but you'll stop feeling stupid afterawhile.
Logged
Well, you do have a busy life, what with keeping tabs on wild, rough-and-tumble forum members while sorting out the drama between your twenty two inner lesbians.
Your drunk posts continue to baffle me.
Welcome to Reality.

Lectorog

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2011, 08:03:59 pm »

Hey, this should be easy to help with; I'm quite closely like you, only I'm in 11th grade and have more near 2.5 friends.

I think you just need to get more involved with your own life. Nothing should matter more to you than success, if that's what you want. If you're worried about your grades, pay attention in class; you'll improve greatly there, and stand a better chance to learn something.
Recently, I've stopped caring much for many of my classes. I realized I'm in there to learn, and I only learn in 3 classes of my 7. For my disliked classes, I just do the work required, get an A, and move on to more enjoyable things.
It's important, especially in the 7-9 grades, to establish an effective work pattern, as it will be very important in higher classes and college. Basically, just do what they ask, as well as possible without exerting yourself, and if that works, move on; if it doesn't work, you'll have to try harder. Repeat until you're satisfied and learning well.

As for friends: If you're content with your small group of friends, that's just fine. There's certainly no need to have many friends. Since I entered high school, I've had my 2.5 friends only, and they go to a different school. I simply don't like anyone at my school that much. I have some people I eat lunch with, but that's about it, and that changes daily. I have great fun with my close friends on the weekends.

If you do want more friends, however, start off by talking to people in your favorite classes more. They may very well be in there because they're rather like you, and those are the easiest people to be friends with. Barring that, look outside of school - check out local events that interest you, for people around your age. Similar friendships could be achieved there.

I'd advocate Bdthemag's "breaking out of your comfort zone" recommendation, but I've never done it myself. I've always insulated myself from the idiocy I perceive around me, to avoid going into a mad rage. It's happened before. Going just a little bit out of my "comfort zone" has worked well for me. Something new, but within the things I enjoy; last summer, for instance, I went to an engineering summer camp.
Trying new stuff is a great way to meet new people. That's a fact.
Logged

Knight of Fools

  • Bay Watcher
  • From Start to Beginning
    • View Profile
    • Knight of Fools
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2011, 11:55:01 pm »

I agree with everything that's been said so far.

I found a lot of the stress in my life came from general close-mindedness and a lack of understanding about myself.  Before, when I learned something new, I used to enter a sort of "I already knew that, don't you know I already knew that?!" attitude, keeping me from learning as much.  Simply acknowledging that you're learning something new in school will help you out a lot, along with a healthy curiosity about the subjects the teachers are presenting.  If you want to learn more about your personality, take a personality test or something.  Learn from it, recognize it's only an estimation and mostly theory and psychology nonsense, and use it to figure more out about yourself.  The one I linked gives lots of details on different types of personalities, just follow the links it gives you.

As for social life... Me? I found that I didn't really need to much human interaction to feel socially fulfilled.  If you still hang out with people during lunch, or hang out at all, you're probably closer to others than I am.  I have a grand total of 1 person I've hung out with once in the past year.  Simply observing how people act and being nice to others when they approach me is enough for me, most of the time.  You may have different needs, though, so pay careful attention to your feelings and how you came to have those feelings.  Are those feelings coming from external or internal sources?  Do you feel like you need more of a social life because those around you do?

If you find that you do have a sincere desire to socialize, the internet is not the place to focus your energies.  I'm not against talking to people on the 'net.  It's just really hard to get the same emotional fulfillment chatting with someone on-line, or even on the telephone.  Most of our social stimuli comes from interacting with people face-to-face, so make it a point to use the internet primarily as a place for advice and general knowledge, and less of a place to fulfill sincere desires for human contact.  So, chat it up on the 'net if you want, but don't use it as your go-to source of social interaction.


Something else to keep in mind is that you're in a pretty crazy time of your life.  Find a way to deal with the changes your body's presenting you.  I recommend two things that will help you a lot: Find a non-violent, low-impact way to exercise (Jogging, lifting weights, tennis, etc) and a hobby (Such as writing stories, growing plants, or drawing pictures).

The exercise will flood your system with endorphins, which are chemicals your body releases naturally and make you feel better, happy, and content.  The biggest challenge is finding something you can stick to and getting over feeling ridiculous doing it - I recommend asking a parent or mentor for advice and one-on-one training to start off with.  Bonus points if you can find someone who trust to stay friendly playing a competitive sport with, but keep it something you're mostly willing to do, or at least don't mind doing.  This will help you in nearly every point in your life, even academics and social interaction.

The hobby will give you some sense of progression as your skills improve, fulfilling your innate desire for progress and improvement and causing your brain to release even more endorphins into your system.  Generally, the more physical the hobby the better, since your brain responds better to things that aren't on a computer screen.  Draw and write on paper when you can.  Save the computer for fine-tuning art and when you actually start writing fleshed out stories.  Generally, you want to work with your hands more than anything.


These are things that can help you, or anyone, at any point in life.  Remember that you are in charge of your attitude - Nothing and no one determines your happiness or success - Only you do that.
Logged
Proud Member of the Zombie Horse Executioner Squad. "This Horse ain't quite dead yet."

I don't have a British accent, but I still did a YouTube.

justinlee999

  • Bay Watcher
  • Unflappably FABULOUS
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2011, 07:47:34 am »

Who cares if your friend kisses a girlfriend? It's not a sign that the guy has a good and healthy social life.
Logged

zehive

  • Bay Watcher
  • [DRAGONFIREBREATH]
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2011, 12:46:57 pm »

So, for nearly ALL of my life, I have been a very quiet person in school, then in the passing years, ive realized i only have 3 true friends, who still sometimes "make fun of eachother, but me mostly" and im starting to feel like I have no true friends and that I dont quite fit in. Really people only regard me as the "nerd" and "geek" because i read books in class alot, and get done with my work fast and make good grades, but now, that isnt the case, ive been making bad grades in literature and language, lower grades in math, etc.

Then what I saw first, was my best friend, who was somewhat like me, but not as worse, kiss his girlfriend in the middle of the hall when the teachers, and it made me realize how much of a social life I DON'T have. And on top of it, there are really no people that have the same interests as me which is computer gaming, most of the video gamers at my school are blackops fanboys, battlefield 3 people, etc, so that leaves me no real choice for friends.

So heres my rant on my life, anyway, for people who were wondering, im in 7th grade, yeah yeah, im young, I know it.. And I would prefer any suggestions of advice.
Just thought i'd get it off my system.
Thanks.
join a club or two. make it your goal to meet someone new everywhere you go. Introspection is fine and dandy for late-night mulling around when you can't sleep, but when it comes down to brass tacks I find that the most important thing is being friendly. I dont think theres a better way to give off a friendly attitude then to talk to people. I mean, you really need to moderate and think through how much of a social life you do and don't want. When I was middle school, hell even all through highschool until senior year, I had zero friends. The only friend I had used me for their own benefit and really never gave a damn about me.

All I can say, is if you're really not sure what to do, just try and talk to new people. Unless you're like Knight of Fools, in which case you shouldn't find much difficulty in being socially fulfilled. But unfortunately, it is the woe of some of us that we'll be really extroverted, but really shy and nervous to talk to new people, or just be unsure how to do it altogether and give up on it. But thats not something that I'd recommend if you're like that. From personal experience, it drives you a bit mad...

edit: and as for the topic of girlfriends. I know its difficult to see that when you yourself want a social life, and probably a girlfriend and all that jazz... but like justinlee said, it really doesn't say anything about his social life. Some people just have girlfriends and are worse off then many of us. I wouldn't recommend having your efforts being directed towards having a girlfriend, to fulfill a social need. You need to think about you first, your needs. Your happiness. Don't grab a girlfriend and hope to fulfill all your needs in that one person. It'll be too much for them and they'll probably not deal with it very long.


Now I REALLY need to stop procrastinating... whats that professor, 5 page paper due in 2 hours? Well, I certainly promise I'm not just finishing up page one.. (written more here then I have in the last 30 minutes on the paper... i might need to unplug my internets)
« Last Edit: September 13, 2011, 12:51:08 pm by zehive »
Logged

Gearskull1

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2011, 06:51:56 pm »

Embrace your weird with open arms. Try getting into the punk scene, not the shitty pretentious punk scene but the real deal. When you learn to not give a fuck about what other people think of you, you will be okay in any social situation.
Logged

Sergius

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Social Problems
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2011, 10:50:38 am »

You don't "need" to have a girlfriend in school, and you don't "need" to have more than 3 friends.

I can probably count the real friends I had left when I left high school with one finger. Also I didn't care about dating until I was into my late 20s.

It depends on what you want. And generally, if someone wants something badly enough, they'll try everything to get it.

If you aren't trying hard enough it may be because you don't really care much about it. Don't force yourself because you think it's some sort of social norm. And even if you normally don't care so much about it, there are times when you may feel lonely and desperate that you. need. more. friends. now. Don't dwell too much on it and just do what comes naturally.
Logged