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Author Topic: Titans of Dwarven Industry! (Updated 5/24)  (Read 21974 times)

Audioworm333

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2011, 09:33:16 pm »

[Badass speech]
THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.
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Neyvn

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2011, 10:52:37 pm »

ptw
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

Pandarsenic

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2011, 01:30:02 am »

Badassery

This, possibly followed by donning sunglasses and pulling the slide on a pistol.
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KARATE CHOP TO THE SOUL
Your bone is the best Pandar honey. The best.
YOUR BONE IS THE BEST PANDAR
[Cheeetar] Pandar doesn't have issues, he has style.
Fuck off, you fucking fucker-fuck :I

Mullet Master

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2011, 07:33:54 pm »

You've only been in the building for twenty minutes, and you're ready for a coffee, a cigar, and a mid morning nap. After the scared dwarf tells you about the Ogre, curious workers start to assemble around you. Just as you are about to start giving orders, the secretary comes running down the hallway, a piece of paper in her hands.

"Mr. Urist! Mr. Urist!"

"Yes?"

Between labored breaths, she pants "The elves from the Aesylus crafting guild are at the door!"

"And?"

She holds out a piece of the finest paper you've ever seen, and on it is a set of very small words written in an ornate font. The factory is still lit by gaslights and is pretty dim overall, so you have to hold it up close to your face to see it.

Spoiler: It says... (click to show/hide)

You fold the paper in half and put it your pocket. The oldest manner. Humph. The Elves very seldom will fight with dwarves, but this factory has been an embarassment to the local government for too long. Instead of getting involved directly, the Dwarven leadership have basically allowed the Elves to "declare war" on this business.

Well, that probably means there's probably a bunch of Elves outside with guns...

You motion for the secretary to follow you back towards the lobby, as to not to alarm the rest of the workers here.After reaching far enough of a distance, you ask quietly
"How many are out there? Did you see any guns?"

"There are at least a dozen out there. And yes, they have guns."

"Go back to the lobby. Make sure the cafeteria prepares granola cereal, or whatever the Armok those elves eat. Make them comfortable. We are making that shipment TODAY.

You walk back into the production hall and yell loudly :

Everyone, stop what you are doing and FALL IN NOW!

The dwarves look taken aback. About a dozen and a half dwarves fall in a semi-circle around you. You look at them. A decrepit lot, wouldn't be fit for miltary service back in the old days. Most are dirty, look malnourished, and reek of sobreity. You know you are in a bad position, but this crew has caused this mess and you're going to be shot if they don't get started again. So, it's time to rally the crew.

"Look, let me tell you a little story.  When I got started in this business I was up to my ass in Kobalds every day when I headed to my shift on the smelting lines.  Literally.  Up.  To.  My.  Ass.  It was back in the siege of Sockbanners in the Vale of Giggling and we lost good men every day just getting the goddamn ore in the door to the yard.  But we were in a goddamn war and willing to do whatever it took.  Now you are telling me that a perfectly good yard is shut down because of one goddamn ogre?  Listen up all of you!  It's time to ask yourselves if you are dwarves or elves!  Either get the hell out of my factory or grab a pick and follow me into that yard!"

We are making twenty tons of Armok's own cannon steel today, Ogre or no Ogre!"

You tell everyone to grab anything that would be of use, and meet you back in the center of the production hall in ten minutes. You take a quick assessment of the men and material you have your disposal, and now you need to come up with a plan.

1 - Forklift
10 - Picks
3 - Axes
2 - Stoking pikes
1 - Oxygen Lance

Dwarves:
5 haulers
5 furnace operators
2 engineers
2 mechanics
1 record keeper

Exits
Main Lobby (right)
Trainyard (left)

Spoiler: Financial Report (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Production Status (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: September 13, 2011, 07:37:54 pm by Mullet Master »
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Blade Master Model 42

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2011, 07:47:52 pm »

Order one of the, ooh, let's say haulers to use the thermic lance to waste the ogre.

Have a couple haulers armed with axes back him up.

UltraValican

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2011, 07:57:03 pm »

If the orgre is looking for junk, then he/she is taking initiative(more than most dwarves do).
Hire Ogre, Promote it to Smelting Foremen.
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Firelordsky

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2011, 08:14:23 pm »

If the orgre is looking for junk, then he/she is taking initiative(more than most dwarves do).
Hire Ogre, Promote it to Smelting Foremen.
I vote for this.
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BunnyBob77

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2011, 08:36:58 pm »

Show the elves the stockpile in the back.  Tell them that you can discuss the iron back here.  Trick them into getting rid of the ogre for us!
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Hitty40

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2011, 08:51:52 pm »

Make a deal with the Ogre and have it ambush the Elves while you get the workers armed with whatever can be used as a weapon to beat them back.
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if there's lots of g's and z's, it's gobbo. If you don't really recognize it, it's human. if it's called Urist, it's dwarf.

mainiac

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #24 on: September 13, 2011, 08:58:19 pm »

Show the elves the stockpile in the back.  Tell them that you can discuss the iron back here.  Trick them into getting rid of the ogre for us!

That would get rid of the elves yes, but wouldn't get rid of the ogre and would probably bring more of the elves.  Given the pathetic state our kingdom is in, we probably don't want to go starting a major war quite yet.  There is a season for all things, young one.  A season for all things.

"Okay, listen up folks.  Here's the plan.  Haulers, your with me.  Pick up some picks, keep your heads and stay behind me.  Engineers and mechanics, I want you to rig a net trap and hang it with the forklift.  Set it up to cover the entrance to the yard.  Furnace operators, set up the oxygen lance behind the net trap just in case.  If this thing slips the net then we'll just have to burn it alive.  But we shouldn't need that.  Here's how it's gonna go down.  Me and the boys are gonna go out into the yard and taunt that ugly beast into chasing us back here.  We lead it through the door and bam, you lot inside wrap it up nice and easy, our own pet ogre.  Elves like that kinda shit, I'm sure they'll want it."
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
mainiac is always a little sarcastic, at least.

BunnyBob77

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #25 on: September 13, 2011, 09:09:23 pm »

Show the elves the stockpile in the back.  Tell them that you can discuss the iron back here.  Trick them into getting rid of the ogre for us!

That would get rid of the elves yes, but wouldn't get rid of the ogre and would probably bring more of the elves.  Given the pathetic state our kingdom is in, we probably don't want to go starting a major war quite yet.  There is a season for all things, young one.  A season for all things.
It would at least wound the ogre then.  Besides, an ogre would be a pretty good excuse for why they all died.  We could say that they tried to kill it, or they were looking around there.  All we would need would be to hire a legendary liar.
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Audioworm333

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #26 on: September 13, 2011, 09:10:31 pm »

"Okay, listen up folks.  Here's the plan.  Haulers, your with me.  Pick up some picks, keep your heads and stay behind me.  Engineers and mechanics, I want you to rig a net trap and hang it with the forklift.  Set it up to cover the entrance to the yard.  Furnace operators, set up the oxygen lance behind the net trap just in case.  If this thing slips the net then we'll just have to burn it alive.  But we shouldn't need that.  Here's how it's gonna go down.  Me and the boys are gonna go out into the yard and taunt that ugly beast into chasing us back here.  We lead it through the door and bam, you lot inside wrap it up nice and easy, our own pet ogre.  Elves like that kinda shit, I'm sure they'll want it."
This.
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Mullet Master

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #27 on: September 13, 2011, 09:49:50 pm »

-------------------- THE ORE YARD -------------------------------------------------------

You've got to come up with a plan to keep the Dwarves organized, so you pace back and forth for a minute. Then, you say :


"Okay, listen up folks.  Here's the plan.  Haulers, your with me.  Pick up some picks, keep your heads and stay
behind me.  Engineers and mechanics, I want you to rig a net trap and hang it with the forklift.  Set it up to cover the entrance to the yard.  Furnace operators, set up the oxygen lance behind the net trap just in case.  If this thing slips the net then we'll just have to burn it alive.  But we shouldn't need that.  Here's how it's gonna go down.  Me and the boys are gonna go out into the yard and taunt that ugly beast into chasing us back here.  We lead it through the door and bam, you lot inside wrap it up nice and easy, our own pet ogre.  Elves like that kinda shit, I'm sure they'll want it."


The Dwarves do as they've been told. They find an extremely large chain net that is typically used in hauling slag remnants back out to the ore yard, and set the trap. You tell everyone to wait for your signal - if you say "BEARD OF ARMOK" they are to spare no mercy to the foul Ogre.

But none of the Dwarves will come with you. That is okay with you, as you are still fleet of foot in your old age so you step out into the ore yard.

Sun has just started to rise, and the pungent smell of rusting metal delights your nose. There are large stacks of magnetite ore everywhere, as well as recycled steel from destroyed weapons of war. In the edge of the lot, towards the massive fence, you see a large shadowy figure.

"Ogre! Ogre! Show yourself!"

With a slight rumble reverberating off the ore yard fence, the massive ogre walks into your viewing range. This is probably one of the largest Ogres ever, easily the size of a giant. It is wearing a large open-faced helmet, crudely carved but made of the finest of Damascus steel. You know from your time in military service this ogre had to have once been a general or a craftsman.

The ogre bellows at you in poorly pronunciated Dwarvish:
"Dwarf, identify yourself. You are foolish or you are a leader among your kind. The rest of you rats hide in your production hall, afraid to see the monster in their backyard.

"I am Urist. I am the Foreman of this entire facility now, and you are squatting on this area that is ours.
You speak Dwarven tounge, and you wear the helmet of a general. What is your name?


"You are Urist, of the Vale of Giggling?"

"Yes. I am. Now identify yourself, or begone, Ogre!"

"I am Auroch, Seige Engineer of the Lost Empire of Ogres, Smashingplains!"

You get a sick feeling in your stomach. Smashingplains destroyed several Dwarven fortresses before it was overrun by the Humans in their new steam war machines , somewhere around 2999. This Ogre may not easily fall for such a trap. 

Exits
Production Hall (behind you)
Spoiler: Financial Report (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Production Status (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)
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mainiac

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #28 on: September 13, 2011, 10:05:31 pm »

Do not hesitate so that there is no time for fear to make a home in your heart.  Merely continue in a calm tone.  "What would one such as you be doing here?  Hiding in a rubbish heap is hardly fitting work for a self proclaimed siege engineer."
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Ancient Babylonian god of RAEG
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
mainiac is always a little sarcastic, at least.

Blade Master Model 42

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Re: Titans of Dwarven Industry!
« Reply #29 on: September 13, 2011, 10:25:42 pm »

Endeavor to trick the ogre into working for you. Sweeten the deal with a pension, fair hours, and all the elves and slacking dwarves it can eat.
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