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[Pandarsenic]

posting to keep track. also, ditch the glasses, get a monocle

No, no, we need sunglasses. We're not prepared to be Dapper Badasses yet. One step at a time.

[lawastooshort]

A sun-monocle?

[Tack]

Aviators? That's Maverick-level badass.

[Karnewarrior]

>Take a detour to punch Justin Beiber in the face.



You know you want to.

[Audioworm333]

>Take a detour to punch Justin Beiber in the face.



You know you want to.

THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.

[Gatleos]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nicolas Cage is in the party now, and can be controlled directly. Preface Nick Cage actions with NC:
Nick can use those abilities that you unlock, as long as he has the level for them.

Now that you think about it, you're a big fan of Justin Bieber and respect him too much as an artist to misspell his name like- wow. Uh... ouch. Your testicles seem to have shriveled slightly from that thought. Maybe you should change your musical tastes if you plan to continue on this adventure.
"I am sorry we couldn't have more time together.  I'll always stay true to you.  Just remember that cup of coffee we promised to get after this.  Goodbye for now, me and Nicholas Cage have to go save the world."
Xuan: "I... uh... okay. See you later then."
"SAVE YOUR TEARS FOR I CANNOT BEAR TO FEEL YOUR HEARTBREAK let's go Nick."
"Righty-o."
You and Nick head out to the hatchback and get inside. Where to now? Museum? Or perhaps to look for trouble?
NAME: Melvin T.
RANK: 18 (Christopher Walken)
INVENTORY: Mom's Car Keys | Pain Pills | Police Radio
VEHICLE: Mom's 1987 Hatchback [!]
WOUNDS: 1st degree burns (mouth/left leg) | Bruising (back)
Balls
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Level 2 Badass
NAME: Nicolas Cage
RANK: 18 (Christopher Walken)
INVENTORY: Sub-Machine Gun | Sub-Machine Gun Magazine (x4)
VEHICLE: None
WOUNDS: None
Balls
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Level 2 Badass
Abilities Discovered: I: Assertiveness | II: Instant Firearm Expert

[Pandarsenic]

Select Battle Theme for future confrontations:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XstrpkqT6dw

[Audioworm333]

Walk outside, bracing yourself for the ninjas that are quite obviously waiting outside for you.
EDIT: I suck at reading.
Don't know what else to do, might as well go to that museum.

[lawastooshort]

Go to the museum for Viking Artefacts.

[jc6036]

1. Find an extra gun.  2. Attach to the hood of moms hatchback.   3.   4.Profit!

[Karnewarrior]

>Ask Cage why all these ninjas are attacking while you head to the museum. Shouldn't they, as badasses, want to be on your side?

[mainiac]

Ask Nicolas Cage to explain the legand of the chosen one as you race across town to the museum.

[Tack]

Karate fight the ninjas as befits the ninja power conservation law.

[Yoink]

For the last time, ninjas aren't badass. They're assassins. Ya know, people who murder people from ambush for money?

Anyway, we need to listen in on our police radio. Possibly shout something like, "This is Squad Car Badass-One-zero! I got ninjas crawling all over my ass here, anyone mind telling me what the **** is going on in this City?!"
Be sure to take all corners wide, with NC blasting out the window at any incoming ninjas.
And chuckle with amusement at their puny martial arts.

We need to work out who/what is behind all these bombings.

[Gatleos]

You turn the key in the ignition and pull out of the driveway, then begin making your way toward the city museum.
"So Nick, what's with all these ninjas? Why are they such assholes?"
"When in large groups, ninjas tend to become more evil. A ninja acting on his own is a hero, but many of them together are evil henchmen. This makes them popular minions amongst evil overlords. Speaking of which..."
Several dozen ninjas leap down from upper story windows ahead! Thinking quickly, NC pulls out his sub-machine gun and hangs out the window, spraying the crowd of ninjas with bullets as you drive past! Suddenly, a ninja lands on the hood of the car, grabs onto Nick, and raises his sword! Unable to see the road, you swerve around the corner and flip the hatchback! When you come to, you see the ninja pinned between the (now upside-down) car and the building you crashed into.
"Uuuuggghhh..."
You can hear more ninjas coming!
NAME: Melvin T.
RANK: 18 (Christopher Walken)
INVENTORY: Mom's Car Keys | Pain Pills | Police Radio
VEHICLE: None
WOUNDS: 1st degree burns (mouth/left leg) | Bruising (back)
Balls
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Level 2 Badass
NAME: Nicolas Cage
RANK: 18 (Christopher Walken)
INVENTORY: Sub-Machine Gun | Sub-Machine Gun Magazine (x3)
VEHICLE: None
WOUNDS: None
Balls
██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ Level 2 Badass
Abilities Discovered: I: Assertiveness | II: Instant Firearm Expert