In truth, the only way to get what you're asking for without loosing the randon fun-stuff many of us like is to create an AI that has some rudimentary understanding of not only sphere relations, but of irony, inspiration, and the specific situations leading up to the naming.
Your examples are mostly reasonable, and it would be nice if names where only generated on discovery, but for the skeleton of a generalized system Toady would put in (rather than the crippled skeleton of a specialized system), it would need to handle a lot of things that are defined similarly in the game but seem both quite different and totally obvious to us.
For instance, if you had a freezing biome being discoved by explorers who had only seen hot biomes, "the Hills of Eternal Flame" would be an appropriate name, as the frostbite wounds incured would be most closely compared to burn wounds, except the burning doesn't stop until you "put out the flame"(warm up) or "inevitably die" (they wouldn't know about the importance of staying awake). Defining this complex situation to the game directly would either make it very specific (and thus really time consuming to do relatively well) or bias other similar things that make even less sense.
So, until it gets dealt with a few dozen updates down the road, we can just use the above mentioned placeholder; totally random names and our imaginations.