Oh, tempest tossed lovers...a sea of regret...
Updates!
Looking back at my previous entry, I realize that I must have had some sort of breakdown. I REALLY don't remember anything after the Inn though-and no one is keen on telling me what I was doing...judging by all the odd stares, I think I must have been pretty loopy...but, I don't seem to be hurt very badly-I am missing a potion, I might have used one-so I guess my friends took care of me. Apparently I asked Rolf to dance! More on that later...Dorado apparently evolved, for some reason-and he got even cuter, and much more badass. Just like me. We got some cute little 'eeeveees'-I called mine 'Andromeda'. The PDA said they can change...I assume with power stones. I want one that's related to water, maybe. Cool right? Heh.
Of note-we we're invited to a 'tournament' by a odd stranger, and I had a near diasasterous battle with Deb. Polaris doesn't pull any punches, apparently...and to be fair, neither do I. I thought I may have killed her poor Horsea, but something strange happened...I'm not sure what. Siren survived, the host disappeared-and he left us ultra balls and a strange rock which I believe Debs kept. Mystery, yes!
I was terrified afterward-and in truth, I could barely sleep that night, thinking Debs might hate me for almost killing Siren...I mean, can you care too much about a person? I think she forgave me in the morning, but I can't tell if she was sincere-it's like a knot twisting in my gut as I write this. Oh Arceus, I've never been like this...side effect, of revealing my true self...you get the real me-crying, broken, lonely little Kathryn. Oh yes, and self-pitying. That too!
Next-Polaris had another incident, but I don't believe it was his fault this time. Call me crazy. Well, yeah. He did interrupt something, though...be patient. Constant Reader-well, whoever goes through this thing after I go to ashes, you will be rewarded.
Later, we decided to help some mousy little girl who only has a Caterpie named "Inch". It's cute-Hey, I'm the sort of girl who likes bugs!-but it doesn't want to evolve for some reason. Seems a bit of waste of time, but she's not actually too bad a trainer. If she got some guts, she might realize Inch isn't strong enough right now-he needs instruction, and he needs to be pushed to succeed. I've been working on a system for my own Pokemon to train them harder-we need to get stronger ourselves-sort of like a Coach, like my Dad used to be when training me with swords. They're not going to end up like poor Nimitz. Fair or not, I know now...Tobias should have trained him better. I will train mine better.
...
Next-We ran into Viper again. Of course, she stayed in half phase the whole battle-not brave, but a smart move. She was clearly outnumbered, and hoping for the advantage of surprise and some cleverly placed pits...so, she watched us, probably gauging our strengths and weaknesses. Even Jerry showed up. Which was weird since last I saw, he betrayed viper to save me, but it totally fits him. It's all the cards, for him. He uses cards to make decisions...but, I've always thought the knew what he was choosing, deep down. Or Maybe I'm wrong. Jerry is crazy, sure...but he's still my friend. I don't want him to get hurt.
Something strange with Debs afterwards. She was talking...to someone who wasn't there. I'm not one to judge-see previous entry-but it was very odd. I can't shake the feeling something is different about her. Debs said *she* couldn't remember anything after the Inn either. I'm worried. I mean...she's important to me. Probably more than she knows. Oh, here I am getting all weepy again...
(there are a few teardrops soaked into the page)
Sniff, sniff! Chin up, Darling! I'm sure Debs will be alright.
....
But, to he best part.
I've been so blind lately. Sylvester is a toad, and Jay is too timid-he's not willing to make the first step, so why bother...though, I really wish he would open up to me. Too late now, maybe. Neither of them had a chance.
Tobias, well-if Deb wants to spend a few years sieging the fortress of his real emotions, that's good for her. I hope it works out. I'd just as soon remain his friend. That 'emotional detachment' thing is what he uses on his fellow soldiers-but it's not very nice to build a relationship with it. Also, my Team Ember connections have probably set us apart from each other-morally and spiritually, we're just not compatible. Things could change, of course...
But, Rolf, Rolf-he's been trying to get to know me in the past few days and I've not even noticed it. I mean, I know I'm not the most perceptive of people...I look back now and realized when we shared that Spoinkdog in the city, there was *something* between us. Maybe I just needed to go through what I did to realize it.
I danced with Rolf-taught him to dance, and he's a quick learner. He's got very good footwork-a natural dancer, due to his experience riding, I think. He's quite a bit more gentle than I may have imagined...also he kissed me on the lips. Crazy, right? It just sort of happened...and, I sort of liked it. It's not too bad to be in his arms, looking into those nice blue eyes of his-so...it's very calming to look into them. Quite pleasing. The sort of eyes I could fall in love with...no matter how corny that sounds. I can already hear Debs snickering at me!
...
But, as I know, Rolf is very reserved with his emotions, and of course, the next day he was back to his stony self-I suspect, a natural byproduct of living in a tribal culture that does not accept outsiders...but, he's been cast out-like myself, sort of-and now he's caught in between his old life and his new one. I can help him move on, like I did. He needs to let go of his past...and hold onto something a little more solid. Like, say...me?
I know I usually wait for the man to make the second move-with subtle prodding, of course!-but, Rolf is special case. I will not be to forward with him, and I'd like it to remain indiscreet-it's much more fun that way-but I'll let him know, oh so subtly, that the feelings are not one way. If we choose to pursue this...it would..I know...we could be...
(kathryn tried to write much more below this, but it becomes very faint-apparently her pen ran out of ink)