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[mainiac]

I  dunno about unkeepable, you have two turn to fix the place up.  There was 30 unrest, which hopefully you could quash two thirds of before the rebellion.  You can convert for another 20 happiness.  Build a church for another 5.  Move the capitol to a central location for another 10.  Fill your recruitment space with peasants to reduce the population enough to reduce squalor by 5.  Hire two mercenaries to police for another 5.  That should get you up to a blue faced 65, assuming you weren't actually negative.  If you were negative... well that would require getting a little creative.

[Stworca]

We were negative, blue face is starting at 75, and moving capital is not an option! We're the Roman Empire!

I guess it would be possible - maybe - to fix Carthago Nova in the two rounds, but with the rebel army standing just outside we would get sieged. I don't like taking such risks.

Still : Good thinking. Are the mercenaries worth anything though? Seeing as we had a thousand people garrisoned already.

[mainiac]

IIRC it's 5 points of martial law for every two units.  Mercenaries aren't all that expensive, so after the first few turns, they let you do quite a bit of emergency policing.  I find extermination... distasteful so I use that tactic extensively.

[Stworca]

I find extermination... distasteful so I use that tactic extensively.

And thus a poll has been added.  (personally i'd vote for "B")

As i've said, open to suggestions! Don't be shy viewers! AHOY!
If you have any crippling, ball-breaking suggestions : Speak up! After Spain we are ready for everything. (and will most likely die horribly, for your amusement)

[mainiac]

I suggest that for the next playthrough you bump the difficulty down to M/M and do a communist paradise run.  Armies of peasants only!  No religious opiates for the masses!  No bourgeois traders!

[Zrk2]

I suggest that for the next playthrough you bump the difficulty down to M/M and do a communist paradise run.  Armies of peasants only!  No religious opiates for the masses!  No bourgeois traitors!

Fixed. This would be good... perhaps I'll try it in an LP, I've played with only city units in medieval 2.

[Stworca]

Spoiler: Interrupted (click to show/hide)

The Huns are already in Sarmatia. Worst case scenario : we will get attacked by them in 6 turns. I hope that it will take them 12 or 15 though, and that They will fight Goths, Vandals, Sarmatians and ERE on the way. But no matter who fights who, we will get hit by something rather sooner than later.
And just now we have started war with Franks... If huns made me forget about that, i would be reminded the second i've pressed End Turn.
We are attacked by the Frenchmen.


Now.. There are two possible outcomes : We emerge victorious (and a giant horde appears to break our balls) or we lose.
However, there is a third possible outcome : A TOTAL VICTORY. Franks have two generals and a total of 1000 troops. Killing BOTH generals and at least halving the number of soldiers, but letting some of them escape.. A total victory.
I had a theory, which i will explain in a bit.
First let's see how the fight went. I will not get into detail. You may wonder why haven't i done that even once since the LP started. The reason for that is quite easy : There were no difficult fights yet.
As pointed out before, enemies have 2 generals. I marked them with circles.


A few minutes later, the position of their generals has drastically changed. YOU tell me what is happening here...


Any ideas? Well, i will give you a hint :


Nothing? How about after i show you the second hint?


I am aware that all of you have solved the "mystery" long before seeing the first hint. The important part is that we have succeeded. Frank the Faction Heir, as well as Frank the..


..King of Franks. Both died in battle. After that it was easy. I had to make sure that some of the pathetic, fleeing Soon-To-Be-Frenchmen will survive. So that i do not capture their city.


As pointed before, i have a theory regarding the Hordes. You see, as long as... What is this?


MUST I BE INTERRUPTED AT EVERY TURN!? ENOUGH OF THIS! (I felt like playing Armenia again, with these Horse Archers!)


The indy army posed no threat. Most of our loses were militia : Thus completely acceptable and meaningless.


With this battle the rebels have given me something that i would get anyway on the following turn. Unnecessary, but welcome kindness.


The following turn brings us some surprising news. While it's temporary for sure, i was overjoyed to see this. Remember this date. Summer 367 AD. Western Roman Empire is the..


We are also Most Advanced, but this has no meaning to me. What means a lot, is our sneaky, silver tongued diplomat, that i've sent to the eastern wastelands (Not, not Sweden. That would be North-Eastern wasteland) We've tried selling our useless treasure maps, when..


I say Yes. Sarmatians are a far away enemy, and i'd rather have them stay in their sheds, patiently waiting till we are done with the civilized parts of the world. We will deal with them at some point though, but for now : Ceasefire.

A sharp viewer has probably noticed it already, but we have gained another 'free city'. The old Celtic Mud-Paved village city in northern swamp Britain has joined us. This time i'm not going to abandon it. (Dal Raida is the name)
Just as i did not abandon Eburacum, despite planning otherwise. The Christian happiness boost occurred just in time, and it only took me some peasant magic to hold the city.


Dal Raide is also going to be fine with a bit of luck. Then again, with the enormous Culture and Distance to Capital penalties, it will be a very problematic little town in the future. One look at the corruption in the town is also telling me that it's not going to be El Dorado either.
But to control the world also means controlling the shitholes!


Tara isn't the happiest town either, but their unrest will drop soon, and with the arena we will be able to leave it be for a few turns. This means, that unless we get another rebellion : Britain is ours for good.


In Italy i start the great conversion of Ravenna. A 180 religious turn is not pretty, but with constant arena plays, decent manager and low taxes it's doable. I will probably go with Mediolanum next. What do i gain from conversion : You may ask. It's quite simple. Pagan cities get a public order penalty if the official religion is christian, and vice versa. It's not for me to say which religion is better when it comes  to dogma, but in this particular LP i've decided to go with Christianity.


Our emperor is Christian, the churches give a population growth bonus (handy for the city of Rome) and we have the 55% conversion crusader in Aquincum.
Also : Tingi is christian, and we are about to capture it. The only problem on our way will be the 87 men strong general guard.


The battle came down to this skirmish. All of our infantrymen fighting the enemy cavalry and archers on town square.


Here we can see our mighty general, Biggus Dickus, who is observing the battle from a distance.


Thankfully 960 spearmen are enough to kill the general bodyguard.. With much less losses than Comitares took in the short time they had to hold the Alemanni!


We lost many men, but all of them were :
- Cheap to retrain
- We received them for free
- Surprisingly effective (when severely outnumbering enemies..)


And with that victory, the once-Berber city of Tingi belongs to us.


A lovely turn of events, don't you think, viewer?
What? What do you mean "Franks"? OHHH! I completely forgot! Let us get back to them right away! (in the next spoiler)

Spoiler: Maginot Line's Ancestor : "The Horde" (click to show/hide)

The garrison of Campus Anne Frank has been reduced to these few units. This was the goal that i have initially set for my forces : Crippling Franks, to have a few Frank-Free turns.


What i did not expect is that the second i've killed all their family members, a new one has appeared out of nowhere..


He only has a handful of soldiers, quite weak ones too. What to do.. what to do.. what to.. Oh, i know!
I have my single unit of cavalry continue the siege of Campus Stinking Frenchmen..


 while my army goes for the kill. (A bridge battle, no less!)


To avoid casualties i am sending only my generals. Thankfully i have three of them. Nearly 150 heavy cav.


We set up the most primitive of traps, one that only the French Franks could not see through.


I minimize the threat of losing a general, by having our main general be the bait. I have his unit charge in the very last second, and blow the horn, so that he is left behind.
With a 3v1 gangbang the result is obvious!


What i wasn't sure of was what will happen now. The Franks have lost their only family member.. Will they simply get another one, i wonder?
And wondering makes my men bloodthirsty. The Franks get wiped out.


In unrelated news : With this victory I finally got a reason to not cry myself to sleep tonight, as i usually do.


Now my theory will be tested... 3.. 2.. 1..


Notice anything odd, viewer? Anything at all?


No horde.. and NO FRANKS! I didn't know whether or not it will work, but it seemed likely. Take out the leaders and the horde can not raise! Feels a bit cheap though.. The next vote will be on whether or not it's okay to use 'surgical strikes'.


4 provinces (3 conquered, 1 rebelled from the rebells..) in one turn is enough for now. I'm not going after the Saxon "army" because i predict that it will fail the siege. I will wait until the MAIN Saxon army arrives (leaves the safety of their 'city') so that i can wipe their faction too.
I hit "end turn" once again. We are greeted by a happy message, that two towns still have vandy saginas (i'll let You solve this one, viewer)


I begin with Tingi. It's not too difficult to fix, as it has the required population to train more peasants. In a round its unrest will also drop.


I also take a quick look at Tara. Looking good, thus in a few turns i'll be able to move the garrison to.. Hmm.. Perhaps to Denmark. They won't get there in time to participate in fall of Saxons, but Burgundians and Longobards will require a few extra units.


As expected, Saxons have sent their MAIN army to siege the shambling ruins of a village. I will take care of them in a turn.


With this out of the way, i take a look at global politics.
And it's good news that i see!


Huns declared war on ERE. Not only that, but ERE also has a decent stack on the way of horde.


Aside from that, the turn was uneventful. Thus we proceed to the next one (the last one for this update).

More politics! More good news. Vandals declared war on ERE. Perfect!
The bad news is, that the Vandals will most likely head for US anyway.
Hopefully Vandals, Huns and ERE will wipe each other out next to the Goth capital.. it would be like a birthday present to our Emperor.


Next piece of news that we see is regarding.. Oh my. A new god damn Horde! Sarmatians! 'tis a good thing that i've declared a ceasefire. Let us hope that They will move to Thracia and not Italy, Germany or Illyria..


Who managed to....
Oh..

Not sure what to think about that.

I guess : HA! Stupid, unwashed barbarians.

[mainiac]

Did they just retake their own homeland? 

[NRDL]

Nice one Stworca, you find a way to destroy your enemy's greatest weapon. 

On a tactical note, can you tell us what you usually do in a battle?  From the looks of it, you prefer to wait and set a flank and encirclement trap, rather than rushing your enemies. 

Oh, and how will you deal with the huns?  The same way you dealt with the Franks? 

[Stworca]

We will deal with Huns the same way we've dealt with Egyptians, Romans, Gaul, Greeks, Seleucid, Parthans, Pontus and everybody else in our previous LP's. A series of crushing victories that will make Attila the Hun look like Attila the Douche. We will school them on battles. We will waltz over their pathetic stacks with absolutely no effort, as They will be only a slight bump on our road. We will erase any mention of Huns from the history books. We will use the word "Huns" as a Roman battlefield oxymoron-joke, that when translated to English looks like this : "The Brave French"

DOES THIS ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?! 

As to your other question : We didn't have any battles yet. There was no foe as of yet that has put up a fight worthy of using advanced tactics. If not for their damn generals being so buff and unbreakable, our enemies wouldn't even be worthy of a screenshot.
Still.. i have explained some of the battle tactics. Mostly the ones regarding attacking cities (as this is the only thing we've been doing till now)
In field battles i simply utilize the fact that all Roman soldiers can throw javelins. But once again, there were no battles in this LP just yet. No alpine ambushing of Julii, No "Snowlake in Vulcan's Forge" against Greeks, No 3,5 thousand Seleucid, No Uphill.. Not a single battle. This will change quite soon i presume, but there you have it.

The AI does seem a bit "brighter" on the battlefield, but the main difficulty are - as pointed before - generals on VH. I surround them from all sides and beat to death with overwhelming number of elite Roman forces, and still loose a few HUNDRED men..

Regards, and Thank You for watchin'

There will be much to do in the next few updates.


But by the time the first rock is thrown, we will at least take out Saxons too. Without them or Franks, we will be able to focus on the unwashed, sneaky barbarian hordes.

[Stworca]

This update will be slightly longer. It's because the material simply can not be split into two. The preparations are nearly complete, the game is about to begin.

Spoiler: This time.. (click to show/hide)

If you were wondering what has happened with the damn Sarmatian horde, and hoped that They moved south to harass ERE.. Or perhaps stayed in their lands to wipe out Huns..
You'll be disappointed.


I was tempted to abandon Aquincum, but.. It's just not our style. I do have to speed things up though, so i attack Saxons right away.


The Saxon infantry is pathetic, and we wipe most of them with no loses, while setting up a trap for their general.
We have 200 light cavalry and a general of our own.
The difficulty is VH..
..Which part do you think matters more?


We managed to kill the barbaric king of Saxons (His name was NRDL i think..) but as always, the cost was great.


I definitely have to stop using the terrible light cavalry. They die by the dozens against anything other than archers.
=
A small, quickly patched military force of ours is retaking Salamantica.


We also begin the conquest of Vicus Franki. Now a rebel city.


These factionless rebels lack the I-WIN generals. Thus we face a three stage battle. Stage one : Take care of the reinforcements from the east.


Stage two : Shot some arrows in a random direction to further decrease the number of enemies.


Stage three : Overwhelm the silly enemies with a handful of forces.


It's getting a bit ridiculous. If enemies have a general, we suffer enormous loses taking him down. If They don't..


The balance of general vs soldier has been moved the WRONG way in this expansion.
Vicus Franki is ours, with all the gold from looting that we could carry.


What i'm going to do now, is a quick invasion of the northern lands. Saxons, Lombardi and Burgundy need to be taken out as quickly as possible.


We have 1,5 stacks in Northern France, soon another half-a-stack will join from Britain. This should be enough.
My conquest plans are rudely interrupted by suicidal peasants led by a rebel general.


And as such, They are massacred.


One more province of ours has been reclaimed. I will keep it this time.


West is starting to look nicely once again, on the Eastern side of the empire i see some trouble though. ERE are also preparing to invade us. How noble of them.


It's bad.. On the other hand, the Sarmatians have actually began the siege of Dacia.


I don't sound too enthusiastic about it, don't i? Well.. Whether Sarmatians win or lose, a horde will strike at us very soon.
With only one stack waiting for them, we will have to kick ass like never before.
Also : Carthago Nova has joined us once again. Undecisive bastards.


They are somewhat happier this time. Perhaps They believe in the Western Empire.


Fools, all of the-- I mean.. THEY'RE RIGHT!
Berbers are about to begin the siege of Carthage, but i predict a world of pain for them.


I can not believe that They have sent such a small-- Ah, i see! Sneaky Berbers!


I will send out the army in a turn, we need but one more unit.
Until then, we take care of unfinished business in Holland.


Summer 369 AD. We are greeted by a bunch of nonsense. If you disregard the 500-2000 peasants that we have in every city, our Army is one of the smallest. Each one of the hordes outnumbers us.


That's the bad news. The good news is that Iberian Peninsula is ours once again. The stability has returned to the region. We no longer need to pay attention to Spain.


Invasion of North Europe is about to begin. The main army (Full stack) will only siege the southernmost cities, to be able to reinforce our horde-be-gone front faster.


Winter 369 AD.
We finally meet the Berber army. They have to sleep on the ground and eat sand, while we relax in a comfy fort.


Nothing else is happening. I end this turn as well.
You won't believe what has happened..
The Gothic city has won the siege, Sarmatians are retreating (TOWARDS our lands naturally)


Before the Goths have a chance to celebrate..

Yeah.. BALLS.

Spoiler: ..the spoilers.. (click to show/hide)

Diplomatic Information confirm what we already knew : ERE are sissies.
Vandals are at war with the Goths (Why not with Sarmatians i wonder? Two hordes wiping each other out would be fun!)


The Sarmatians took considerable loses in their failed siege attempt. Up to 1,5 stack.


I withdraw generals from Iberia. They will be needed east any turn now. There is an army being built in Italy, and it needs commanders.  (also, They either sucked as managers, or will fit better controlling richer cities)


Berbers retreat to their capital. I guess my bold move on the far west has scared them. The force from Lepcis Magna will begin a chase in a turn.


Our main Northern army is closing in at Lombardi capital. There is no horde risk. Lombardi have captured a province in Ukraine.


At the same time a quickly patched army group is holding Eastern Saxons at bay, while also starting the siege of Burgundian town of Chattii. By quickly patched i DO MEAN quickly patched. These are garrison archers and town watch backed up by mercenaries.


The relief force from Britain is about to land. This invasion is as good as ours.


Here is a zoomed out view of the entire stage of operations.


I withdraw generals from Arles and Massilia. Over the last few turns They have gained some bad traits. Battlefield awaits them.


As mentioned before. We begin the great chase of fleeing Berber army.


Unless They manage to merge somewhere, or send reinforcements from their capital, Their situation is going to be dire.
How dire? Let me use the attacking Burgundii army as an example.


They attack.
They have balls.
They die.
The city is ours.
Winter 370 has begun.


Vandals will most likely succeed with their siege, and Goths will become another Horde.


This leads to a small problem. You see. Goths are at good terms with ERE, which leaves either us or the rebels to attack.
Well..


Ah the irony. I was asking every single horde for alliance for the last 5 turns, and diplomat-less rebels manage to sneak one inside a besieged city to sign the treaty which will doom me.
..Let us focus on other issues for now.
Our British army landed in Holland. The forces from northern Germany merged and head towards the Saxon capital. Main northern army began the siege of Lombardii capital.


We hit end turn.. And are attacked by the stupid Saxons. Their judgement is off. A smart move would be merging their forces.


Then again...
That's how enemy generals look like in our campaign. The red +7 is the lovely addition of VH difficulty. 23/32 general with 77 guards.. Right.


Once again we suffer some unnecessary loses. This time however i have sent a unit of town watch to "Tank". The results were promising.


It appears that the "bonus against cavalry" bit has been raised greatly in BI. Our elite heavy infantry died by dozens, our cavalry got massacred, town watch spearmen held their ground..

Summer 371.
As expected the Sarmatians head towards our lands, instead of staying in the hostile wastelands of theirs.


We are very close to catching the eastern Berber army.


And finally, we block the fastest route to Denmark, and siege the Saxon capital. Their army will either arrive too late, or die in a bridge battle.


I move some troops around the map, mainly a mounted balista group that was heading to our eastern front aand..


An Ambush! It should be a perfect opportunity to test the strength of these babies. After all i'm paying around 400 denarii upkeep for them!
Few minutes in, and i'm already in love. Look at those flying fools!


4  Experience levels gained?! Perfect!


Let's see if we can get them to gold...

Spoiler: ..are nameless (click to show/hide)

The far western Berber army made a mistake by not running. We shall face them on the field of battle.


The only important thing to know about this fight, is that we had cavalry, and They did not.


It's still summer 371. We attack Campus Lombardi.


Despite them having 89 general bodyguards and units such as.. Yes, them (Add +7 +7 for difficulty. +10 to attack after warcry. And +instantlykill5enemieswith1swing when They berserk).. I am determined to win this one with minimal loses.


We begin with the simple Rock-Paper-Arrowkillingnakedberserkers game.


We proceed with a demonstration of how our Pila work.


Then we demonstrate how fun encirclements are.


And remind everyone that Archers can not win with cavalry in melee combat.


Next we put up a large trap for the bear, and.. it works!


The last screenshot shows how fun it was to live in 4th century AD. Not for the Burgundi though.


And.. what do you know. 47 loses! Acceptable!


Another city belongs to us. I hope that it will not rebel, but our army has to move south RIGHT NOW!


I end the turn.
Remember how i've said that Saxons have to decide, whether They want to go around and thus fail to save their city, or die on a bridge?
They've chosen death on a bridge.


First They've tried sneaking through the river.


Then They've tried an all out assault with their general leading the charge.


Ultimately, They died. Unexpected? No, not really. Bridges are cheap. Not as much without the vanilla game phalanx, but still cheap.


Next we're attacked by the Rebellious forces. Our single unit of mounted balistae versus an army of 1200 men.


We shot till we run out of arrows, then flee.
Clearly, we have been defeated.


Looking at the statistics screen you can see that this was our first defeat (and a "clear one" at that)


You know what else has happened this turn?
The Vandals have decided, that attacking Goths is too mainstream, and holding hands with Sarmatians, They skip the independent town, and head right for our lands.


I send a diplomat to see how many of them are heading for my lands, and..


Let us take a quick peek at our troops.
Aquincum has a full stack, another full stack will arrive in two turns.


Italy is assembling another full stack, it will arrive at the front lines in 4 turns. 3 if the line breaks and moves west.


There is another full stack in Denmark. They will, however, take care of the Burgundy and Lombardi for the next few turns.


Lastly, we have another full stack going for Berber capital. Once They conquer it, i will send them east.


Which means.. We have to hold two turns with a single stack, and another 2 turns with a second stack..
Or we can retreat from Aquincum..
Wait, what..?
FUCK retreating!
10 stacks?! I'VE HAD WORSE!

Another option is doing a dick move : Sending the Italian army straight to Constantinople and WINNING the campaign (i've built heavy onagers) while holding the hordes at the bridge. With Saxon capital we will have enough provinces for victory.
I'm just throwing it out there, that if it was a speed run, i could win the campaign in the next 4 turns.
I doubt that we'll go for Constantinople though. The let's play would be too short if i did.

Also : If i went for Constantinople right now, we wouldn't have ANY nice battles in the Let's Play.
There is no way in hell i'm going to allow that to happen. Come right inside, Hordes, do take your coats off though!

[Servant Corps]

Actually, I don't really care of the battles. I know Total War's sole selling point is the battles, but generally, you seem to be winning all of them (except for one), and I find it more interesting empire management and preparing for war than I do about winning battles against horrible AI. I don't think I support a quick win though, because I don't want you to beat up the ERE just yet. It's not really epic.

[Thexor]

Having the 'quick win' will be useful if this campaign ever gets boring. Until then, though, I think I speak for all of us when I say,


"BRING ON THE HORDES!"

[NRDL]

Poor, poor unwashed Saxon king.  He had a really difficult time with his campaign. 

[Heron TSG]

I think we should FIGHT THEM HORDES as if they were bosses. Like a boss.