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Author Topic: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?  (Read 4615 times)

Excedion

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #30 on: August 19, 2011, 09:59:20 am »
In my current fortress its probably the artifact black-cap earring or the fungiwood blowgun. The first is useless because who wears only one earring and the second is useless because theres no way for me to get ammo for the damn thing.
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Quote from: Urist Da Vinci on July 19, 2011, 11:40:21 pm
If adamantine is perfectly rigid, as shown by having 0 strain at fracture in the raw files, then the speed of sound in the metal approaches the speed of light. Adamantine musical instruments would produce ultrasonic vibrations, and cut off the fingers of the musician.

Benedict Hardy

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #31 on: August 19, 2011, 10:53:30 am »
A
« Last Edit: March 29, 2018, 11:39:37 am by Benedict Hardy »
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linx09

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #32 on: August 19, 2011, 10:58:45 am »
Quote from: Tehsapper on August 19, 2011, 09:27:20 am
Larch crown, decorated with highwood. No, seriously. It was worth only 2100*.
But I was playin an mesoamerican city in jungles or else I would force the creator and his useless crown to take a nice hot magma bath, because he obviously was an bearded elf.
the second artifact in my spoiler list is a willow crown with turkey leather and it's worth ~3k...
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linx09

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #33 on: August 19, 2011, 11:01:22 am »
Quote from: Imakuni on August 19, 2011, 12:55:43 am
Quote from: DoctorMonch on August 18, 2011, 11:52:10 pm
It's these stupid artifacts that make me not be able to wait for the addition of curses/magic in this game.

If Toady does add magical attributes to artifacts, then who knows what that mitten would do?

Maybe it would allow your dwarf to punch with the might of one thousand bronze colossi?

Maybe it would give your dwarf invulnerability in that hand?

Maybe it would curse them to turn any object they touch into vomit?

The possibilities...

(Also, I might add, that I hope there is an eventual fix to the recursive artifact "bug", a good 40% of my artifacts display pictures of themselves.)

Correlate with the name and allow the wearer to rain meteors down from the sky with a flick of the wrist?
That would be awesome but my fortress probably would not stand up against multiple meteors and there couldn't be a test run unless they were as small as sling bullets. Which would be awesome a mitten that automatically fires bullet sized meteor.
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UristMcHuman

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #34 on: August 19, 2011, 11:02:34 am »
Quote from: Excedion on August 19, 2011, 09:59:20 am
the second is useless because theres no way for me to get ammo for the damn thing.
Put the blowgun in a crude display case made of glass windows.

Quote from: Benedict Hardy on August 19, 2011, 10:53:30 am
Fatblown - A lignite weapon rack
Mirthspecial the Neutral Cathedral - A bituminous coal bed

Apparently my craftsdwarves resent my nobles. They're making things deliberately designed to catch fire and burn FOREVER!
Make his floor out of lignite, replace his door with a wall, drop 1/7 of Magma on his floor, and voila. Instant lignite-floor-fueled magma-powered noble incinerator!


The most STUPIDEST (and second) artifact I got is "A perfect milk quartz". and that thing is worth about 4700 Dwarf-Bucks. And now I got a legendary gem cutter. WTF? I don't even dig for gems, only metal and stone. But the gems he cuts would be worth a tad bit more, wouldn't they?
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peskyninja

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #35 on: August 19, 2011, 12:15:45 pm »
tower-cap blowgun
adamantine face veil
adamantine thong
adamantine chausse (not soooooo useless)
adamantine bucket
dwarf bucket
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Burn the land and boil the sea. You can't take the sky from me

Thou son of a b*tch wilt not ever make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, f**k thy mother.

linx09

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #36 on: August 19, 2011, 12:45:02 pm »
oh and because of the Prophecy of Meteors my population jumped from 50 to 80 and it's only the third year.
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Tehsapper

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #37 on: August 19, 2011, 01:20:11 pm »
Quote from: Benedict Hardy on August 19, 2011, 10:53:30 am
Mirthspecial the Neutral Cathedral - A bituminous coal bed

Oh the capabilities of a single burnin bed! Just assign it to those you don't like, and they will sleep on fiery bed.
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KtosoX

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #38 on: August 19, 2011, 06:15:46 pm »
This:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A moody Weaponsmith picked up a bar of Aluminum. Few minutes later, I got attacked by a freaking cyclopes.
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Quote from: Girlinhat on March 21, 2012, 09:45:43 pm
Quote from: acetech09 on March 21, 2012, 09:40:43 pm
Build a grid of floor grates above the entire city. Draft a squadron of masons and bomb the crap out of the city with falling constructed walls.
The Geneva Convention would like to have a word with you.
Quote from: Aleksanderus
I have clicked "d" in a forge and look what it did!

Masta Crouton

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #39 on: August 19, 2011, 06:35:48 pm »
a platinum hammer.







a toy hammer.
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Zapitron

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #40 on: August 19, 2011, 07:36:09 pm »
Quote from: Benedict Hardy on August 19, 2011, 10:53:30 am
Fatblown - A lignite weapon rack
Mirthspecial the Neutral Cathedral - A bituminous coal bed
Apparently my craftsdwarves resent my nobles. They're making things deliberately designed to catch fire and burn FOREVER!
At least it's furniture, so someone can enjoy it and admire it.  It's the earrings and figurines that are useless.  I'll happily give you 3 awesomely expensive socks, the fanciest billon toy hammer you've ever seen, and a perfect violet spessartine, all together, for your dirty coal bed. Any day.  Throw in the weapon rack and I'll give you 10 hard workers all trained in the fine art of cheese making.
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"They killed our last caravan?  That's it, I've had it.  Instead of arming those hostile dwarves with our exquisite wooden swords, let's see the disappointed look on their faces when all we offer them are our useless tamed grizzly bears."

franti

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #41 on: August 19, 2011, 07:41:31 pm »
I had a dwarf gather up 2 Bauxite, 2 Cut Fire Opals, 1 Glumprong Log, and 1 bar of Black Bronze.
Bauxite statue with an image of itself in bauxite. No mention of the other precious materials. Pissed me off.

ALSO, one time I had a pissy Armoursmith go into a Fell Mood, maul my doctor, and make a breastplate out of him. Dwarfbone Breastplate: awesome. No doctor: not awesome.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2011, 07:43:11 pm by franti »
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Adamantine, Steel, Pig Iron, Iron, Bronze, Bismuth Bronze, Platinum, Brass, Black Bronze, Billon, Rose Gold, Electrum, Bismuth, Aluminum, Gold, Copper, Tin, Sterling Silver, Silver, Nickel, Zinc, Lead, Nickel Silver, Trifle Pewter, Fine Pewter, Lay Pewter.

yer

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #42 on: August 19, 2011, 09:19:12 pm »
I'm more amused by this than disappointed.

One of my dwarves went moody and kept yelling for bones.  To meet his demands I had to order about half of my baby animals slaughtered, including a duckling.  This was a sad, sad day in my fortress.

He made a bone bed called The Permanencies of Guilt.
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Quote from: Oliolli on July 12, 2011, 11:52:29 am
Sometimes you are not supposed to succeed, or even know if you succeeded or not. Sometimes it is best to just keep testing until you run out of cake enough elves have been killed you find a new point for the testing, and succeed in it.

And basically, if elves keep dying, it will still be recorded as a success.

evertuy

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #43 on: August 19, 2011, 10:06:21 pm »
a tin mini forge

worth 140
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Broseph Stalin

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Re: What is the most idiotic Artifact(s) that your dwarves made?
« Reply #44 on: August 19, 2011, 10:31:57 pm »
Allas Gaschoz, a lead shoe. Not a lead shoe menacing with spikes of diamonds and depicting the end of days, a lead shoe with bands of lead. It is a goddamn irregular shoe that imbunes it's wielder with the magical power to rapidly drown.
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