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[Yoink]

531: Liberal consumption of narcotics does negatively impact accuracy with firearms.
531a: Piloting spacecraft however, is unaffected.

[Aklyon]

532: If the flying equipment you're given reminds you of Hammerfight, you may not use the +7 full plate armored dwarf as your mace-class weapon for the craft while he's curled up, nor be allowed to be pilot, even if he agrees after hearing the game's description; the craft is too expensive to reobtain if you fail your piloting or swinging rolls.

[Itnetlolor]

533. I'm not allowed to let my Giant Cave/Wolf Spider familiar wake up my fellow crew/team members by sneaking over to them and licking their faces and greeting them with their many eyes and giant fangs.
 533a. Furthermore, I'm not allowed to wake up my fellow crew/team members by letting any dire familiar fart right next to, at, or on them.
  533aa. Giving them chili or spicy curry for breakfast is uncalled for; and they might bet all and lose. >_<
   533aaa. They lose, I clean it up. No exceptions.

EDIT: ↓
Depends on the size of familiar (like regular bears or elephants or something like that).

[Aklyon]

What about non-dire familiars?

[Itnetlolor]

534. My (Dire) Crocodile's name is not "Dundee".
 534a. I can't sic him (if dire) towards any pirates with a hook for a hand.
  534aa. Stuffing a loud clock inside them to add to the psychological factor is registered as animal cruelty. (Poor thing does have to hear it constantly, after all.)
535. If there's a choice that can make or break the world at it's dire time of need (one choice saves the world, the other destroys it), I'm not allowed to have Spanish Flea play as I try to make a decision.
 535a. Same goes for just about any other great decision.
  535aa. That includes doppleganger situations.
  535ab. As well as choosing soup or salad as your side-order.
536. I cannot record my adventures on infospheres in order to sell them as "Reality TV" shows.
537. I'm not allowed to use my time manipulation skills to slow down, or stop time whenever I feel like.
 537a. I'm not allowed to oggle any women running on the beach in theme to Baywatch.
 537b. I'm not allowed to play "The Matrix".
 537c. I'm not hosting Time Warp.
 537d. I'm not allowed to stop time just as my car takes off just say a short phrase, ala Dukes of Hazard, then continue.
 537e. I'm not allowed to stop time just after a grand reveal and break the 4th wall with "TO BE CONTINUED" plastered over a perception screen.
 537f. I'm not allowed to manipulate anyone into compromising situations (includes stealing or rigging certain things on the person) during a time freeze.
538. Sometimes, adventures have to go outside the zip code.

[TherosPherae]

539. Singing 'Let's Do the Time Warp Again' will not recharge the time machine.
540. Dinosaurs are not pacified by the Macarena.
541. You will not name your halfling, gnome, or any other Small race 'Acewad Dickpuncher' or any variant of it.
542. You will not call a time-out in-character to go get some Cheetos in the middle of a battle unless the Cheetos are a plot objective.
542a. Especially if your character is the one getting the Cheetos, and dodging between orcs to do so.
543. You will not strip the cleric or the paladin of any and all types of clothing without their willing consent.
543a. Drunk does not count as willing consent - whether player, character they're playing, or both.
543aa. Breaking rule 543 anyways and then throwing them out a window is to be interpreted as permission to shoot you until you die.

[Itnetlolor]

544. There's no such spell as "Beer Goggles".
 544a. Even if such spell does exist, it won't make ugly people prettier.
  544aa. If you're lacking in charisma, it doesn't improve yours as perceived by your target.
 544b. "Fisheye" or "Blind" works just as well when disorienting someone.
 544c. It doesn't allow you to perceive everything as beer.
 544d. It doesn't make people's eyes froth up like mugs of beer either. (Results could be horrifying)
 544e. It doesn't fill any goggles with beer.
545. No matter how hard you look, there's no such thing as a Hemp Dryad, Booze Flan, Chocodemon, THC Wisp, LSD Gel, nor Psychedelic Mushroom Man.
 545a. Even if they're random encounters, you can't stockpile nor sell their remains for profit or recreational use.
546. Predators are not Rastafarian, despite how their heads look like they might be.
 546a. I am immediately banned if my Predator carries a Jamaican accent.
547. My pet dragon or roc cannot be used to "bomb" settlements or wagons for the sheer hell of it.
 547a. If it has diarrhea, big no.
 547b. Giant phoenixes don't drop napalm of either veriety.

 540a. That also includes "Walk the Dinosaur" and "The Hamster Dance"
 543b. Even if they're of the nudist variety; however that might work. Maybe an accessory "They feel naked without" being taken, I suppose.

[Taricus]

548: Not allowed to set a building to move while the rest of the party is in it.
 548a: Not allowed to also make sure it won't stop.
 548b: Also not allowed to do this to buildings that will rise ten meters into the air due to it moving.
 548c: Not allowed to do with when a fellow player has an expensive item they can't bring inside.

[KujiUn]

548c: Not allowed to do this when a fellow player has an expensive item she can't bring inside.

[Itnetlolor]

 548d. Not allowed to make the building tumble as it moves.
 548e. Not allowed to do this with glass houses or greenhouses.
549. I'm not allowed to make "Kilroy was here" graffiti everywhere I visit.
 549a. Especially if I take self-proclaimed challenges to place them at the most difficult locations as possible; or illustrate them as large as possible.
550. Anything from Epic Meal Time cannot be made from our entire food inventory.
 550a. If it has more total calories than if the moon were really made of cheese, it shall not be made.
  550aa. Needs more bacon.
551. I'm not allowed to carry a bucket of lava source and water source wherever I go "As a security *cough*greifing*cough* measure".
552. I cannot punch everything into materials and tools. Regardless any stats/skills.
553. If a quest leads us into forests, I'm not allowed to start forest fires to clear the place out first or as we leave.
 553a. This is not a valid method, or excuse, to summon Smokey the Bear.
  553aa. Using this method to kill Smokey the Bear will only result you in being killed by him.
  553ab. Smokey the Bear is not a Yao Guai in post-apocalyptic campaigns.

[Dsarker]

539a. Singing this while recharging the time machine will prevent it being charged further and will drain any charge it still has.

[Itnetlolor]

In case you can't see the image:
554. I'm not allowed to do any of the listed just to gain an achievement.

EDIT:
In hindsight, I don't know exactly how this achievement should be read. Is fewer better or worse?

555. 555 is not a prefix for every phone in the campaign. Stop wasting your time.
556. The 'Emperor's New Clothes' is not equipment I can suggest my female party members to wear.
 556a. Even if it gives them stat buffs and perks.
  556aa. Even if it gives them stat buffs and perks~ :3
 556b. I am not permitted to wear it for the same reasons.
 556c. Even though it's an invisible suit, doesn't mean the wearer is also invisible.
 556d. Not suggestible as an alternative "Skin-suit" for any function/purpose.
557. My sonic wave cannon cannot be armed with 'The Macarena'.
 557a. Same applies for vibro-wave cannons/broadcasters for subterranean species/civilizations.
558. Airing 'The View' 24/7 to my prisoners is not permitted by the Geneva Convention.
559. Trojan Pigs made of bacon can never be built for obvious reasons.
 559a. Needs more bacon.
  559aa. *Nom nom nom*
560. I'm not allowed to do any more experiments involving teleporters.
 560a. Intentionally having the receiver polarity switched is a cheap way of butchering an animal; or killing someone. (inside-out)
 560b. Telefragging a cow is not a quicker way to get beef steaks.
 560c. I'm not allowed to toss in a teleporter active inside another active teleporter. Last time didn't fare so well.
 560d. Having a portal open and close milliseconds between each other is not a quicker way to chop up fruit and vegetables or a replacement to a deli slicer.
  560da. Throwing a pig's head through it does not immediately make head cheese.
  560db. I'm no longer allowed to even throw bologna, salami, chicken, or turkey through it like they're footballs (spiraling). Bigger mess to clean up than you think.
  560dc. It's not a more efficient paper shredder.
  560dd. I can't host my own version of 'Will it Blend?'.
  560de. Throwing rare earth magnets into it will only end badly.
  560df. Compressed air containers, although they look cool upon contact, will end pretty badly.
   560dfa. Similar could be said about water bottles.
   560dfb. Or propane tanks.
  560dg. Rolling pigs through it won't quickly produce bacon.
   560dga. Same with cattle and beef jerky.
 560e. I can't make many iterations of 'The Fly'.
  560ea. Even if I set the perfect animal:man ratio and distribution across to make Super-Fly Super Soldiers
   560eaa. I can't dress said "Super-Fly Super Soldiers" in super-fly attire for combat.
   560eab. The women in my company are tired of my requests to toss them through while carrying a cat with them.
    560eaba. Even if they accept, they're not immediately invited to the 501st aerial unit.
 560f. I'm not allowed to reprogram the receiving teleporter to only receive organic material (with a degree of forgiveness for anything internal) and order my 'bridge bunny brigade' to join me in my quarters via teleporter. :3
561. The master computer's security system's death ray laser beam defense (as seen in Resident Evil movie) cannot be used for similar reasons as Rule 560d.
 561a. I can't use it to cook s'mores or any similar snack foods.
562. If my gun uses teeth as ammo, a shark is not a sufficient bandoleer.
563. Reptar is too awesome a name to give to my dragon/T-Rex.
564. None of these should ever be used for recruitment or motivational posters.
 564a. Not that it's gonna stop anybody else from doing so.
565. Despite my medical records, my nickname is not "Rasputin".
566. Whenever there's a zombie outbreak, I'm not allowed to "Reveal the bad guy by ripping off it's mask" with the zombies.
 566a. Especially around squeamish members of my team.
567. Rock salt is not the ammo of choice for non-fatal takedowns of skinless beings/beasts.
 567a. Nor lemon salt or pepper.
568. I'm not allowed to surf the internet through magic mirrors and crystal balls.
 568a. Ads are not a sufficient curse to afflict on said "devices".
569. Working in HR doesn't permit me to decorate my office like a Raider camp. (FO3)
570. I can't breed or train dinosaurs to move like Colin Mochrie's imitation of them.
571. If I am threatened to be "sleeping with the fishes", I am not fulfilling a Zora's wishes.
572. I'm not allowed to habitually commit narm to anybody.
573. I can't sink a floating island to improve surf conditions.
 573. Nor can I navigate it to bob in the water at regular intervals.
574. I'm not allowed to redecorate the local stargate with a pair of giant hands pulling at opposite ends. (Try getting that image out of your head.)
575. Not allowed to take drug trips when traveling in hyperspace, wormholes or time vortexes.
576. In horror/mystery campaigns, I'm not allowed to sniff out the bad guy by being more frightening them and finding them when they admit "Even I (evil) have standards", and calling me out on numerous other "What the hell hero(es)".
 576a. Obviously, they haven't read this list.

[Taricus]

577: Not allowed to completely obliterate mega-armoured nobz in one storm bolter salvo.
 577a: Not allowed to abuse this for extra XP
578: Always use protection.
579: No, the techpriests CAN'T be high. Bad things happen otherwise.
 579a: Nor can they be drunk. Even more bad things happen.
580: No, you cannot make a space marine a nazi. Bad things happen there as well.

[ashton1993]

581: One is not allowed to have 582 rules

[Taricus]

581a: You may have MORE though 
583: If it sounds like something out of monty python, TCWoE or any other satire, you may not do it.