Pages 1-42, you'd best love me for this
Once upon a blue moon evil possesessed a pony as normally happens in these kind of storylines.
Another creature - a demon known by the name Tralfamadore was said to get extrodinarily thirsty whilst eating cookies, he was lonely and misunderstood and wished he could some day leave the burger joint where he was imprisoned and learn to use proper grammar and punctuation.
One day aliens visited Tralfamadore, he stood and shouted at them "Have you come to try our burger joints finest dwarven ale?" to which they replied "We hear you are the Japanese samarui and so have come to give you a quest! You must slay all the elves who hide in the forest retreat, but beware you must do this on Christmas day when the angry cookie monsters roam the land!"
"So that's why eating cookies makes me thirsty!"
"Yes you see, they became very angry when a dwarf stole there socks and jumped of a cliff with them, it is because of this they roam the land on Christmas day"
The aliens flew away leaving Tralfamadore to his mission whilst they provided assistance to him by destorying the knife-wielding barbers who were trading elf panziness for military assistance. Tralfamadore was sucsessful although 4 centuries later a new disturbance began.
Armok, the god of blood began writing poetry, this greatly displeased the cult of the refrigerator and so they vowed to destory every copy of the poetry written, but at what cost? Well the 17 shards of microline would as a consequence open the Microlinicon, from inside walked out the Swiss ambassador who had been trapped there since the beggining of time marched out with a potatoe in his hand and shouted out "This is SPARTA!!!!" and then drunk some whiskey, shortly afterwards he ate the heart of the cult of the refrigerator's heart.
On his adventures the Swiss ambassadore proceeded to steal his cousin's suasages, eat them and then beat up a Mongolian warlord with a herring and proceeded to warp time and space so he could see alternate reality TV in which Germans did a happy dance and ate some slimy stuff. Part of this meddling happend to cuase Bill Gates to be killed by a Velociraptor.
Deciding to end this madness a mouse known as the legendary monocle who wore a super fancy tophat which oozed manliness used the mass dispalacement drive of manliness, spikes and zombies to vomit kittens all over the Sweedish ambassador who proceeded to kill the mouse and begun insulting the angel of death and began a fist fight with him.
The angel punched the ambassador with an adamantine glove shouting "Urist, thou is a fuck up" it appeared this was the Sweedish ambassador's name and apprently he was also a dwarf according to a man called Cacame who he met at the bottom of the crevice. They talked for a while about Kem Khefa Kheshef, music, asplosion's, Sah Ker and Tik Tok Kesha, the conclusion to this conversation was the mutual understanding that death kicks butt.
And so Urist and Cacame set of to find children so they could deliver them to Michael Jackson and pedobear though along the way they were ambushed by Nazi dinosaurs armed with atomic photon laser cannons which they fired at Cacame who screamed and died.
Sah Ker then swooped down from the sky and saved the day insuring that pedobear would have plenty of children to molest who must surely be plucking his pubes in excitement with his massive bloody claws. Whilst listening to David Bowie, Hopscotch Fever, Tansilvanian Hunger Munchers, Little Muffin Head and Dragon's Lulaby. When he arrived Urist was given a death metal album in exchange for the children.
After that Urist went ona bloody rampage in which he killed an elephant, Broken Cylde's number 1 fan, a few miners and a wailing moose, this was mostly to inspire him to release an album of his own which nobody listend to.
On the other side of the world in a burger joint...
Tralfamadore decide he would once again begin to adventure, he left the burger joint and after hearing about a bronze collosus created a cotton candy sword with which to to slay it, he then began his mission to post a coherent sentence on the bay12 boards but instead gave up and decided to start killing some leprechuans and eat them, during this process howver he discoverd they were in alliance with his mortal enemy - elves!
Deciding he would need help to bring them down forever he started looking for Urist and on the way killed a sociopathic republican dinosuar and some xenophobic chimpanzees. He met the mighty Walrus who farted in his genereal direction and awnserd his questions regarding Urist and proceeded to rub his wet cat and described the taste of roasted goblin, he then mentioned this was a delicacy prized by elves.
Continuing his world-wide search for Urist Tralfamadore saw the sky getting dark because of a dark, dark force of darkness darkend the place whilst wielidng dark blades, which were dark and as they begun to have a very dark conversation Trafalmadore's brain became dark with the dark lord's white magic which was dark and then told Tralfamadore that he was racist confusing him.
All of a sudden the cookie monsters started attacking the dark lord who diserpeared, and Tralfamadore fell to his knee's exhuasted and began to count to 12, when he became concious again Urist was standing over him and asked if he knew where his axe was, he found it, then Tralfamadore picked up his cotton cnady sword and plunged it through a cookie monsters heart as Urist hack at the elves. The elves died by the dozen though the cookie monsters would not fall, instead they just kpt on coming with there death metal music.
They ripped Tralfamador to pieces and shoved his intestine's up Armok's bum, they then exploded and gave the god of blood a great deal of pleasure. Urist seeing his creator enjoying himself too mcuh crwaled in and removed the intestines, he then went back to attacking cookie monsters.
The elf king seeing the scene of carnage before him rose from his throne and charged into the battle turning the tide of battle in the cookie monsters favour although Urist escaped after killing the elder cookie monster who splatterd across the battlefield.
Formany nights the elves lamented and began to bury there many dead and as it was no longer Christmas day the cookie monsters went back to thier caves refusing to help in the ceremonies.
Urist, upset at the death of Tralfamadore vowed to have revenge enacted upon the elves and the cookie monsters and so he and his dwarven comrades created a thermonuclear explosion inflicting massive casulties on the elves who joined the cookie monsters in there caves and recruited an army of elephants and as the dwarfs were repelled the legend of boatmurderd was relived except the fortress they dug after the battle was instead called Fat Bastard because all the good names were taken or copyrighted by evil corporations, after a long war the universe imploded and Urist and his dwarven comrades settled in a fortress which they named boatmurderd, except this time there were no elephants, no elves and no cookie monsters and all the good names had not been taken, they just called it boatmurderd anyway.
Never did any life enter or leave boatmurerd, not even a single demon escaped when the cotton candy was mined, however it was rumoured there was a young child who had made an artifact "This is a poorly crafted statue of Cacame and Urist, it relates to the raping of children by Pedobear" because of this a group of morbidly obese trolls sieged the fort and ate the kittens, these kittens were the first creatures ever to leave boatmurderd, after this happend the child wanderd out (the second ceature ever to leave boatmurderd) followed by Urist who decided to begin going on adventures and started to ride a purple fluffy dragon although it had a perculiar diet which was very dificult to sustain so in the end let the cookie monster devour it along with the child.
As the zombie cookie monster rose from the dead dragon's corpse he slowly mumuored "Braaaiiinnns" fortunetly Boatmurderd had no doctors and so there was a good supply of dead people with brains to feed the cookie monsters, Urist smoked a pipe and then partied with the cookie monsters as they were all really high, in the morning after a great night they found themselves to be in jail where they couldn't clean themselves though they managed to break out and escaped to Cacmae's fortress which was now uninhabited and began an assasin's guild which was very sucsessful.
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Topic: Three words (Read 34537 times)