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Author Topic: Universal Dorfen Constants  (Read 3068 times)

HunterBlackLuna

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Universal Dorfen Constants
« on: August 03, 2011, 01:42:11 am »
I was proudly showing my former roommate the DF ropes earlier today (I know barely enough to keep Dorfs dry, safe, and drunk, but even that is tough when you're starting out.) and we'd just gotten to his first caravan. We had nothing to trade, and nobody who could get away from stockpiling stones felt like going to the depot. Especially, of course, the guy we embarked as an Appraiser. He decided it was time to, in order, Store an Item in the Stockpile, Dump an Item, and then Drink. Haulling labors were a mess. Mining wasn't getting done. Dead animals were rotting unhauled in the main entrance. It was still Year One and we hadn't seen any attacks, of course; this was all Dorf-inflicted.

All I could do was turn to him and say "this is every story about Dwarf Fortress I've ever seen." Welcome to Boatmurdered, I guess. Hope you like miasma.
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ImBocaire

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2011, 01:46:04 am »
First Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Dwarves will never, under any circumstances, haul what needs to be hauled, preferring instead to haul stuff that can wait a while.

Second Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Dwarves will always creatively misinterpret your mining and channeling requests so as to maximize the probability and potential damage of a cave-in.

Third Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: It's always party time.
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Crustypeanut

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2011, 01:58:18 am »
Fourth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Its ALWAYS time to sleep, drink, eat, or AND go on break when something important needs to be done by said individual.

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Moonshadow101

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2011, 02:29:55 am »
The Doctor is always at rest. 99% of the time, he's at rest because he's not needed. When he is needed, he's on break.
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JoystickHero

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2011, 03:11:10 am »
Fifth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Whenever random chance kills a dwarf, it will always be either A) the one crucial to keeping your fortress afloat at that moment, or B) the one with the most social connections.
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Hitty40

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2011, 03:13:55 am »
Sixth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Sock= certain death.
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Quote from: Wannazzaki on December 23, 2011, 07:39:30 pm
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nogoodnames

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2011, 03:18:25 am »
Seventh Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: Whenever presented with multiple options for accomplishing a task, a dwarf will always choose the option that presents the most danger to the fort and/or him/herself.
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CriticallyAshamed

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2011, 03:33:06 am »
Ammendement to The Seventh Law
Your broker who has the best appraiser and negotiation skills will follow the below set of priorities.
Normal Jobs > Hauling > Pet Caging > Eating = Drinking = On Break > Sleep > Trade at Depot

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Crustypeanut

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2011, 03:35:31 am »
Eighth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: When fleeing in terror, Dwarves will always protect their fellows by fleeing AWAY from the safety of the fort, thus ensuring their own doom.

Ninth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: When the fortress is under siege by steel-wielding, naked elven bowmen riding giant badgers, there will always be one dwarf who blatantly disobeys orders to go inside, "Just to see the naked elves up close."
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Oliolli

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2011, 05:57:32 am »
Tenth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: When a mandate is failed, the chance for an individual dwarf to be punished scales exponentially to their skill level.

Eleventh Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: When a dwarf is getting punished, the severity of the punishment scales exponentially to their skill level.
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Niccolo

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2011, 10:26:16 am »
Twelfth law of Thermodynamics: The rapidly-filling magma/water passageway always has the softest, comfiest soil for sleeping on.
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Quote from: highmax28 on October 17, 2013, 11:33:59 pm
Quote from: itg on October 17, 2013, 11:02:21 pm
What's wrong with using magma? That's almost always the easiest method.
I have issues channeling it properly to do that method. I end up flooding the fortress with magma.
Check out my RtD!

noodle0117

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2011, 10:38:40 am »
Thirteenth Dwarven Law of Thermodynamics: E = (Magma)(Cats)^2
« Last Edit: August 03, 2011, 10:40:49 am by noodle0117 »
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ImBocaire

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2011, 10:39:56 am »
Shit. I go to sleep and I've started a meme.

I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
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lanceleoghauni

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2011, 10:43:52 am »
The Urist length is the measure of a distance between the dwarf and the intended job. The likelihood of said dwarf starting said job is inversely proportional to the distance from the necessary supplies/workshop/Death pit with a conversion factor of 1% every urist.
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"Mayor, the Nobles are complaining again!"

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simonthedwarf

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Re: Universal Dorfen Constants
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2011, 11:01:16 am »
Quote from: HunterBlackLuna on August 03, 2011, 01:42:11 am
I was proudly showing my former roommate the DF ropes earlier today (I know barely enough to keep Dorfs dry, safe, and drunk, but even that is tough when you're starting out.) and we'd just gotten to his first caravan. We had nothing to trade, and nobody who could get away from stockpiling stones felt like going to the depot. Especially, of course, the guy we embarked as an Appraiser. He decided it was time to, in order, Store an Item in the Stockpile, Dump an Item, and then Drink. Haulling labors were a mess. Mining wasn't getting done. Dead animals were rotting unhauled in the main entrance. It was still Year One and we hadn't seen any attacks, of course; this was all Dorf-inflicted.

All I could do was turn to him and say "this is every story about Dwarf Fortress I've ever seen." Welcome to Boatmurdered, I guess. Hope you like miasma.

Hey. I am pretty new as well.

But I know this.

The first rule of Dwarf club: you dont haul stone. Make a stockpile for metal stone, but not regular stone or they will never get to do anything.
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