Really. Sometime in the Winter(I think - maybe it was Spring), I had took some test thingy..I forgot.. and they thought I needed a psychologist. I thought it was my mom who thought I needed one, and I was rather angry at her for thinking that.
Looking at my life now, though, maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.
I'm having a pretty bad case of the blues. Lots of things have made me rather depressed lately. I'm convinced that life is meaningless and basically exists to torture me as much as possible before I die. I'm pretty close to joining my dad in thinking I'm only alive for God to toy with me. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could get up the guts to knife myself.
You guys are probably going to call me a fucknut and tell me that I suck at life.
In hindsight, I don't even know why I posted this here.
I spent some time depressed,not as much,but well...my country is a country in development,not as developed like U.S.A or others,so,some things here are new,im a great fan of videogames,huge,im developing (not really,just self teaching) one,well...what happened at school is that i had some temper problems a YEAR ago,but noone cared if i had changed,also,im not into fashion,oh,and im a "nerd" just because i like videogames,i am mature and don't care and care about some stuff that my fellow classmates don't understand.
basiclly this horrible mix of things together with a shitload of unbalanced boys and preppy girls made me the perfect individual for social diecrimination,i had absolutely no friends because noone cared about me,i couldn't talk to anyone about things i like,want,or am interested in because i would be rejected by everyone,they all thought they knew me so well...heheh,they didn't know anything about me...and the worse of all was they didn't because they dodn't want to,so i was marked with tons of insults,a lot of prejudice,they didn't evengive me a chance
Also,in my house,i couldn't talk to my father because he worked ALL day in his office far away,sand my mom didn't want to hear what i had to say,it was a time in wich they were both overwhelmingly stressed so i had to go through this completely alone,the only people in the world that helped me during that time was my best friend,Yunuen.
But do you wan't to know how i fixed that?
i..."disconnected" from other people for some weeks and figured myself out,when i went back from some vacations i had made my choice,i would do what i want and be who i am even if everyone butchered me for that,everyone butchers me for that,but i always knew there were people who would be my friends regardless,so what i did...i severed all connections with my group and started from zero,most of them will remember like the nerdy idiot of the clasroom,but im sure of what i am and i don't care,now i got a bunch of cool friends,most of them aren't popular and are kind of a bit like me,but we really don't care,actually,one day a classmate came and told me that if i wanted to be popular and have friends i had to stop hanging with my REAL friends....you know what i told him? i told him: I don't give a shit about popularity,about false friends and earned respect,this are my real friends,and i won't give them up just like that.
That is my story of depression,it wassn't that hard and most of it changed because while i figured myself out alone,while i matured a bit more some stuff clicked in my brain,i took out the drama,and i stoped giving a shit about what others thought (of course,i still work in groups and fix that stuff,don't think i closed myself and i don't care about others,i meant i don't care about what others wanted me to be)
I know that that ussn't such a huge problem,i never ever wanted to suicide...but,you will make it,because you can,NEVER be afraid to ask for help,i spent such a hard time because i had absolutely NO help (but from my friend,Yunuen),actually,coming and saying that in public,in front of the whole DF communtity shows you have the strenght and confidence to overcome this!