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Who should write next?

Claimed Slots (in order)
- 6 (25%)
Whoevers around and actively writing can claim (while writing)
- 13 (54.2%)
Everybody posts! The one that gets the most support is real!
- 5 (20.8%)

Total Members Voted: 17


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Author Topic: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure  (Read 6566 times)

anzki4

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #90 on: August 02, 2011, 09:11:10 am »

Or maybe Goli goes straight to peaceful protest (no burning cars) and get's killed due that.
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Armok

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #91 on: August 02, 2011, 09:16:52 am »

You guys need help thinking up Bizarre Alien Biology?
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GlyphGryph

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #92 on: August 02, 2011, 12:15:30 pm »

I am not writing two in a row. Come on people.
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #93 on: August 02, 2011, 12:38:31 pm »

Maybe we should brainstorm what the next scene should be to help the next writer? I think Goli should meet various friends and acquitances, introduce some supporting characters. She could be introduced to someone who'll be revealed as a resistance member later.

By the way, GlyphGryph, do you have anything planned out for the father of Goli's babies? I was thinking that fathers in the culture of the aliens aren't very involved in raising their children, and that Goli hasn't seen him much/at all after the, err, conception.
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anzki4

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #94 on: August 02, 2011, 12:49:13 pm »

I was thinking that maybe there are still some aliens that live free of human enslavement and that they are being despised even by aliens that are slaves to human*.


*But of course they would be envied secretly.
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Armok

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #95 on: August 02, 2011, 01:00:52 pm »

I'm thinking they don't have ***ual reproduction at all. Or it's based of spores or somehting. And they have huge litters.
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anzki4

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #96 on: August 02, 2011, 01:10:53 pm »

I'm thinking they don't have ***ual reproduction at all.
I vote for this.


EDIT: I also am currently writing something inspired by this story and based on a very similar world. It tells about man who studies psychology of these aliens, both living in slavery and those living in freedom. Problem is that those aliens are generally despised and/or ignored by humans and thus his research is ridiculed by other humans. The fact that he is respected for his earlier achievements and is a noble only makes the situation worse.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2011, 01:16:28 pm by anzki4 »
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peglegpengeuin

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #97 on: August 02, 2011, 02:10:14 pm »

Fine, I'll write part 2.

Five months and five days

Goli didn't sleep well. She rarely does. The human language had recently entered her dreams. Before only her native tongue was present there. The humans never forbade the Old Tongue, perhaps in an attempt to seem less suppressing. It was almost never worth using, though, as most humans unofficially punished its use. Those who did speak the Old Tongue were subject to harsher punishments for the same "crimes", and sometimes random beatings. It was no longer a secure lines of communication either. You could never tell when a human understood the Old Tongue. Howard was a cold bastard, but he was smart. He probably knew it well enough to detect any rebellious conversation. Anyway, there were few times when Goli was expected to talk to non-humans. She was, at least in title, a high advisor. Goli had no true power - the humans only gave that to their own. An expert on her own kind, Goli was somewhat vital to Howard's successful management of their small town. Even so, Goli was mostly treated as a servant, forced to spend her time tending to Howard's every whim.

Howard was still a little freaked out about yesterday's meeting. It was all metaphors and broken logic. They were trying to convince everyone of something, but Howard couldn't tell what it was yet. Another special meeting was arranged for the afternoon. Probably a continuation of the last. Howard wasn't interested, but he knew he was going anyway. It was mandatory that he did. Lassa leaves are more stimulating than relaxing, but they were still enough to distract him. He went back to his paperwork. If only he could get Goli to do it for him, but that would be illegal. All paperwork is to be done by humans, no matter how boring the load is. Then Howard's focus shifted again. A new wing had added to the building, and the damn company wouldn't tell him what it was for. It was security level 9. Level fucking 9. What could they have put there that needs such high fucking security? They brought helicopters too, and evacuated everyone from the building while they "unloaded cargo". Someday Howard was going to sneak in there and find out just what they were hiding. He could use Goli for that. Some of her kind had bypassed security doors before. Howard wasn't exactly sure how they did it, but Goli might, and that would be good enough. Shivers went down his spine as he imagined one of those creatures breaking into his room with the same technique. Howard, who always had a gun on his person, wouldn't hesitate to gun down an unexpected visitor.

I assume each part doesn't have to be the next day, but it seemed appropriate to do it this time. Also, we need a name for the alien race. It was hard to find ways around the lack of a name, and I really don't want to come up with it.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2011, 01:37:09 pm by peglegpengeuin »
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Armok

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #98 on: August 02, 2011, 04:29:58 pm »

"Harras"? :p

More seriously; have their real name be some long sciency thing, and evryone awlways using just racial slurs: Harras, gremlins, raisins, LCBs, grinners
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #99 on: August 03, 2011, 04:16:48 am »

Looks fine, but why does Howard now secretly admire Goli's intelligence, when he proclaimed them all terminally stupid in the first post? There's also some slipping between past and present tense, but that doesn't really matter.
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peglegpengeuin

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #100 on: August 03, 2011, 11:34:26 am »

Sorry, wanted Howard to be a good-guy, and I guess I went too far. Feel free to change what I wrote - I really just wanted to get a plot going so people would want to add more. Also, guys, you don't need to write a lot for each update. Just add something that makes sense to move the story a little. That's what I was originally going to do.
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anzki4

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #101 on: August 04, 2011, 12:08:35 pm »

Please don't make the story black and white by using "good guys and bad guys". Just try to make realistic characters.

Also in my opinion, you should remove those direct quotes from last part. Especially those in "Old Tongue" are jarring and those in English are quite useless. In general you should use direct quotes only for long speeches and long talks. Rest can be told by voice of narrator (or whatever it is called in English.)
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #102 on: August 04, 2011, 12:52:21 pm »

I was thinking that one of the reasons Goli abandons violent resistance and this rebel group could be their greed. They claim to want to overthrow the humans, but really want their tech.

This could tie in with this new wing to Howard's place. They attack because they think there's some valuable technology inside.
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peglegpengeuin

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #103 on: August 04, 2011, 01:41:35 pm »

Edits are complete. Howard is a stereotypical xenophobic jerk with no hidden heart of gold. Extraneous language bit is made less extraneous. Now someone else add the next section.
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anzki4

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Re: Collaboration: A Write Your Own Adventure
« Reply #104 on: August 04, 2011, 02:36:55 pm »

I just had an idea in shower: The primary religion[1] of the aliens completely renounces violence and thus they have never used weapons. Not even for hunting because there are no dangerous predators on their planet and they rely completely on agriculture for food. After the humans came, however, many militaristic resistance groups were formed, using weapons stolen/bought from humans. Those groups however are strictly renounced by the primary religion, which relies on non-violent resistance instead. Those resorting in violence are called "corrupted by humans" by the leaders of the primary religion. This brings huge tension inside alien race and the primary religion itself.[2]


[1] Meaning the one with most followers. I was thinking that maybe something like 70-80 % of the aliens follow that faith.
[2] Because part of followers of the primary religion want to reform it's canons to allow violence in self-defence.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2011, 02:40:58 pm by anzki4 »
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