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[ptb_ptb]

Because you haven't bought the super-secret premium license for Dwarf Fortress.

Why does the uninvited guest I've got in a cage not need to eat?

[Aslandus]

He's not hungry enough to eat dwarven food. He will never be that hungry.

Why do animal men keep coming onto the map even though I keep killing them?

[UnicodingUnicorn]

They practice "What you don't know won't kill you".

Why hasn't the glowing eerie pits been weaponised?

[Foxite]

There's a reason why dwarves are moving out of the Mountainhomes.

I'm going to sig this... I'll probably have to get rid of my other two quotes but I'm going to do it XD

[Foxite]

It's a stage in the life cycle of the plump helmet fungus. They infest vermin corpses due to their being small enough to be shaded by grass and such, much like they infest corpses and food left in the dark to rot, producing clouds of spores. These spores interfere with dorf reproductive spores and have become associated with frustration and disgust, hence why they are called miasma and make dorfs sick. If left alone long enough they will take up root as plump helmet plants which then send out spores into the local environment in an attempt to find other corpses to decompose. When they are unable to do so they enter a new stage in the life cycle wherein they grow limbs and are known as plump helmet men, which move around until they find a suitable area and upon death provide food for more vermin.

Why did all of that make sense to me?

Sir that's the best post in this thread - no, in this whole forum.

[Max™]

*dramatic bow*

[Thisfox]

Why hasn't the glowing eerie pits been weaponised?

Attempts have been made. No one was left to report on the results. So presumably, it worked, they have been weaponised!

Why do I have named unicorn blood flowing through my dwarfwash? (and more importantly: How can I get rid of it?)

[UnicodingUnicorn]

There's a reason why dwarves are moving out of the Mountainhomes.

I'm going to sig this... I'll probably have to get rid of my other two quotes but I'm going to do it XD

Yay I got sigged!

Why do I have named unicorn blood flowing through my dwarfwash? (and more importantly: How can I get rid of it?)

It shows your dwarves are mighty enough to slay such a fell beast as a unicorn. Take pride!

Has anyone tried importing unicorns from the elves into evil biomes for the sole purpose of attaining unicorn zombies?

[Foxite]

I would do it if I weren't too nooby to manage to survive on an evil biome until the elves finally bring Unicorns. Seeing as we don't get liaisons from elves, I don't think anybody did yet.

Why don't the elves bring liaisons?

[UnicodingUnicorn]

They don't have liaisons. If diplomats are already being mercilessly slaughtered by the dwarves, think of what harm could befall a liaison.

What exactly are Trade Depots?

[Thisfox]

I like to imagine Trade Depots are large  mediterranian temples or something with ionic columns and enough room for all the carts... But someone recently told me that it was a Gazebo of Death, so now I'm never sure.

What does an aquifer smell of?

[Max™]

Frustration and disgust, just like miasma.

Why do so many people put a "w" and an "a" in "dorf"?

[Arcvasti]

What, you mean like Dorwfa? Its a cultural thing mostly. Its the difference between dorfs that live in hills and dorwfas that live in the cold glaciers and mountains of the world.

Why can't dragons fly?

[klefenz]

Why can't dragons fly?

Turns out their body is too heavy for their wings.

Why do dragons attack dwrven fortresses when there is nothing but XXsockXXs inside?

[Arcvasti]

XXsocksXX make the best nests for BABY dragons. They are valuable beyond measure to an expecting dragon.

What exactly does gnomeblight DO?