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[Aslandus]

Since StagnantSoul thinks he's too good for questions, I'll ask one more

How many emus does the Mountainhome need?

[StagnantSoul]

...What?

And anywhere between 625-50,625 emus.

[Aslandus]

You're supposed to ask another question after answering the previous one

Why do my dwarves refuse to do anything with broad beans and peas?

[flabort]

Because they are green. Dwarves won't eat anything green, you're supposed to harvest the stuff that's other colors and dispose of that green bit.

Why don't dwarves seem to ever produce grape seeds for planting, despite never ever cooking the grapes?

[wierd]

See, Dwarven farmers are not very bright when it comes to those new-fangled surface crops.
Grape SEEDS arent the problem; Improperly harvesting grape VINES, rather than GRAPES-- THAT's the problem.

See, Dwarves will successfully produce seeds for quite a few fruit crops, but the mystery of how to get those fruits from the resulting plants eludes them. They plant the seeds, bushes or vines grow--- then, dwarves pluck the whole darned bush/vine, before it can make fruit. They then haul the useless bush/vine to the stockpile, where it takes up space forever. The whole "Perennial plant" thing eludes them. "A plant that lives for many years to make fruit!? What sorcery is this!?" and all that.

This is why dwarves continually fail at growing:
Grapes
Raspberries
Blueberries
Blackberries
Cranberries
(...etc...)

Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?

[Bumber]

Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?

It is prophesied that a giant toad will appear in a dwarf's dream and teach them.

Why do dwarves take so much pleasure in good furniture now?

[Quartz_Mace]

Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?

It is prophesied that a giant toad will appear in a dwarf's dream and teach them.

Why do dwarves take so much pleasure in good furniture now?

To offset the amount of horror they feel when sentients die. If they see a Kobold thief run in with a dagger and the military dispatches it, they will be horrified, in spite of the passing threat.

Why can't Dwarves who have made artifacts go insane?

[Max™]

Have you ever looked at one up close? Everyone, dorf or human alike, is born with a limited amount of insanity, creating an artifact uses it all up, so whatever may happen later on they're stuck on a pretty normal keel after that. Normal for dorfs that is.

Why was I surprised to have a magma man show up and set my nicely groomed and otherwise fortified pasture on fire?

[pisskop]

Because you dont know of the dwarven-myth that dwarves who juimp into a magma pipe and live to see SMR will turn into magma men.  Dwarves who have transcended will occassionly try to perform jobs for old time's sake, with ironic results parodying Midas.      Why do necromancers settle for a tower instead of a nice villa?

[nekoexmachina]

Its obvious: tower is cool even if built by zombies. Villa can't be good while being built by non-feeling rotting dudes.


Why cooking stuff leaves no seeds?

[Astrid]

Where do you think the popcorn coems from? the Dwarfes just still need to learn taht pocporn is still edible.

Why does dwarfen alcohol boil away instead of exploding when set on fire?
I want my bombs.

[Aslandus]

The dwarven word for "alcohol" is the same as the human word for "sugar," so it boils, caramellizes and turns into sweet smelling smoke in seconds rather than exploding... that's also why dwarves can brew a barrel of wine in less than a day while real brewers can take weeks to months to make a single barrel of beer

Why does blood keep appearing near the water supply?

[Baffler]

(Real answer: Dwarves probably wash blood off of themselves there.)
It's an early phase of this. I suggest increasing the size of your militia.

Why do goblins, elves, and dwarves always go to live in human towns, but rarely to each other's sites?

[Eric Blank]

Because only humans can pacify their irrational fear and hatred of one another. Racist fucks.

Why do elves bother exiling their criminals instead of just eating them? Or feeding them to their war bears?

[Ives]

Why do elves bother exiling their criminals instead of just eating them? Or feeding them to their war bears?

Free-range meat has become very popular among elven gourmands.

Why does Urist McDumbass not just let go of the 200 pound rock he's carrying and run for safety?