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[CaptainMcClellan]

Because they are antisocial, greedy bastards who are so smug with their "intelligence" and "wit" that they don't realize how stupid they actually are. Plus also, they probably have that thing where they suck at seeing.

Why is it that Dwarves get happy thoughts from taking a soapy bath when they are clearly filthy, drunken bastards who can't swim?

[nekoexmachina]

Cause after certain limits they can not apply more filth on themselves, and then bath saves the day.

Why elves hate treekillers but devour their own friends?

[CaptainMcClellan]

Waste not, want not. I mean, a huge pile of dead meat is lying right there, it'd almost be a sin not to eat it.

[Melting Sky]

The fort's in lock down. An army of goblins mounted on cave dragons are at the edge of the map. Then Urist McSuicide looks up from whatever job he doing with a determined glint in his eyes and begins his 2 mile sprint from deep within the safety of the fortress towards the the Goblin lines. He ignores his burrow. He ignores the civilian alert. He ignores his squad's orders to move into a safe position. He ignores even direct orders issued to him alone to do anything but run like he is on fire directly into the waiting dragon riders. The doors of the fortress are ordered closed but he runs with such determination and speed that he beats the lever pullers to their task and sails out into the sunlight and towards the approaching enemy. After covering another half mile in mere seconds he finally charges strait into the goblins horde which commences to gleefully hack him apart. Blood spatters and pieces of dwarf arc through the air but even this does not dissuade him. Rather than pause to fight back, Urist ignores the trivial inconvenience of having his arm torn off and continues to hobble hell bent towards the unknowable object of his obsession.  Finally, in pool of blood and his own severed body parts he comes to a stop not because he has reached his senses but because both of his legs are now gone and a merciful goblin is about to drive their spear through his head. Thus ends the life of Urist McSuicide, master miner and first of the original 7 to fall.

[blazing glory]

Original 7? no wonder he died,he was too insane to know better

[PDF urist master]

how did the fish get in the bathtub?

[FallenAngel]

Cave fish are not true fish. They are fish-like mushrooms.
Clearly, somewhere else on your map, a cave fish released a spore which found its way into your bathtub, and grew using the blood of forgotten beasts to gain energy.

Why will dwarves refuse to mine something that is blocked by a 1/7 pool...
...of water? They can't swim, but that's ankle-deep at most.

[Magistrum]

Because they know the knee water is enough to hide a carp waiting for him.

Why do dwarves are so fond of minecraft's spleef?

[FallenAngel]

Because they can fulfill their desires to destroy floors haphazardly without any risk of it collapsing.

Why do dwarves under strange moods create absolutely useless things quite often?

[Magistrum]

Because they can fulfill their desires to destroy floors haphazardly without any risk of it collapsing.

Why do dwarves under strange moods create absolutely useless things quite often?

Because it's Art, no one said it had to be useful.

Why do the dwarven rescue team keeps going to recover the wounded, find whatever is killing the victim patient, then proceeds to turn around like nothing happened, only to come back again later?

[CaptainMcClellan]

I dunno, and as an addendum, why is that if you order ten dwarves to an area to recover wounded they'll just screw around and then leave without the injured party?

[tahujdt]

When a dwarf is significantly injured, their beards go offline and they lose their link to the hivemind. Since this is how dwarves locate each other, the recoverers are unable to discern their target. Incidentally, this is why hospitalized dwarves receive only water while hospitalized. Other dwarves perceive them as a large mushroom, and try to water them.

Why can't my dwarves be more like Simon of the Yogscast, and DIGGY DIGGY THE MUTHA-F***ING HOLE!!!!!!!??!!!!!!???

[flame99]

Because dwarves do not dig, for that is a barbaric act far below them. No, they mine holes. Philistine.

Why does Armok allow something as un-Armok-like as Elves to live?

[ZeroMcUrist]

Because dwarves do not dig, for that is a barbaric act far below them. No, they mine holes. Philistine.

Why does Armok allow something as un-Armok-like as Elves to live?

Why, blood for the blood god, of course!


Why are necromancers such mundane writers?

[Knit tie]

The only reviews they recieve are from zombies, and those things are well-known for being suck-ups.

Why do dwarven cats never drink booze?