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[pisskop]

Because the dwafs wouldn't survive worldgen.  The world may not survive it.  Damn dorfs might do with gunpowder what we can't quite do with atomic weaponry.

Where are the philosophers?  Its somewhat questionable if even the generic nobles can read...

[Eric Blank]

They can't read. Almost nobody can.

And the philosophers were victims of a witch hunt. The target of which was everyone smart enough not to dodge over cliffs when a butterfly gets too close to them.

Why do dwarves choose to jump down in running water channels and end up going over your indoor waterfall, when the quickest route is actually to go over the bridge?

[tomio175]

Because it's a dwarven waterslide (patent pending)

Why aren't my dwarves so stupid? I probably have a smart /so stupid they look smart bunch. I mean, most of them run TO the fortress in the event of a siege...

[hops]

You micromanage too much.

How do magma pistons work?

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Displacement of magma at a speed that it fires upwards.

How do dwarves create magma cannons if magma is hot enough to melt anything?

[Eric Blank]

Because it's not hot enough to melt everything. It's only 12000-and-something degrees urist! Plenty of materials are magma-safe, because their melting point is well above the temperature of the magma.

Why does it take 6 months to complete a short, simple meeting with the trade liaison?

[GoombaGeek]

The "simple" meeting you decry is actually a highly complex dwarven ritual spanning many moons. This is also why dwarves are the only race to make trade agreements with you: all other races lack the knowledge, biology and utter lack of shame to engage in a Dwarven Trade Agreement. First, the liaison must chase after the expedition leader: but the expedition leader knows that he is wanted and must avoid this meeting for as long as possible. The longer the expedition leader manages to make himself scarce, the greater his reputation among the dwarves gets. When they meet, the expedition leader and liaison must deploy both of their beards, and the beards must twist together in the Dwarven Beard-Knot, impossible to untie by any non-bearded creature. Then the leader's total knowledge of the fortress and the liaison's total knowledge of the mountainhomes are sent at 2400 baud until they compute a trade solution together, using analytical powers that would make a stockbroker weep. Finally, the agreement is written down and imprinted in the dwarven racial memory.

Why do elves never bring caravan guards?

[grimman007]

'Cause we killed them all last time. :P

Why do wells blow up when water freezes?

[pisskop]

Water expands when it freezes, it makes sense that it expands so much in an sociopathicviolentintensive game like DF that it forcibly expells the materials of the well.

Why are cats granted such liberty and mastery?  as opposed to dogs or raccons or dolphins or gnomes or mermaids or any other not-quite-sentient but smart (or sentient but not quite a civ) animal?

[misko27]

Well, clearly its because they are mind-wiping paras-
ALL HAIL CAT!

Why is the Elven World-Gen Strategy for fighting sheer numbers? I'm 4000 elves against 700 dwarves, againt 1500 humans. And in later world-gen they go up to 9000.

Yes, Elves are over 9000.

[Cassandra]

Dwarves have low population due to !!SCIENCE!! And humans live too close to dwarves. Duh.

[pisskop]

Why don't toenails heal again?

[Burnup]

Why don't toenails heal again?

They can't 'again' because they didn't heal in the first place. Dwarves don't grow keratin, nor filamentous biomaterial, They're born with such things.

Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?

[pisskop]

I meant again as in Im sure its been asked.  Mi scusi

Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?

[Burnup]

I meant again as in Im sure its been asked.  Mi scusi

In that case I go with my second answer:  Dwarves don't grow keratin, nor filamentous biomaterial, They're born with such things.
Hence being born with full grown beards. They do not have the bodily make up to 'grow' or 'heal' such things.
Unless you dabble in biological engineering of dwarven genetics (The raws) and make a mutated-beard-growing-semi-dwarven race.
But that sounds like tampering better left focused on elves, because of elves dire need for it. Dwarves are perfect as is.

Now I repeat: Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?