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[Wrex]

They tried, but after the fifth auditor died of magma poisoning due to a mislabeled lever, they can't seem to find anyone willing to do the certifying. 

Why do dwarves use cotton candy sutures?

Bevause having your wounds stiched up with the only thing saving the world from firery devastation is remarkably badass.


Why don't dwarves use magma like boiling olil?

[Sus]

...they don't? 
Oh, you meant to cauterize wounds? That would be because in Dorf Physics, heat inflicts wounds instead of sealing them.

Why don't dwarves use actual boiling oil?

[gunpowdertea]

Argh! Missed the replies...

Why don't dwarves use actual boiling oil?

'cause they don't have a "boil the oil" workshop yet. Plus anything with high temperatures should definitely be confined to a safe workshop such as a furnace or a forge. Health & Safety, man! Ehm, I mean: Dwarf. It's not a destination but a long journey.

----

Why do dwarves use cotton candy sutures?

They want the "The Six Million Dollar Man Dwarf" to go down to the circus and prod some tentacle.

Why do Dwarves depict an Entity that has become an enemy of their civ as being "surrounded by Dwarves" (similar as when some Dwarf rises to become mayor or somesuch)? Do they secretly admire the "Thing"? At first I was shocked to see that because I thought it had become the civ's leader or so...

[hops]

The dwarves there are probably stoning or beating up them.

Why don't dwarves sterilize cats?

[Sus]

Hmm, actually, that's a good que --ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOCAT!!!--

How can a fisherdwarf possibly be interrupted by a carp, of all things? Not even a 40d God Emperor King Hell Carp Of DOOM, but a regular, nerfed .34.11 carp.

[Wrex]

Hmm, actually, that's a good que --ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOCAT!!!--

How can a fisherdwarf possibly be interrupted by a carp, of all things? Not even a 40d God Emperor King Hell Carp Of DOOM, but a regular, nerfed .34.11 carp.

Sheer ancestral fear.

Why do dwarves not require proper steelmaking equipment? An ordinary forge just won't cut it, IRL

[Sus]

All dwarven workshops and equipment are grossly over-spec. A "smelter" is actually an armed and fully operational steel mill, whereas a forge or crafts shop is more properly described as a "Von Neumann Universal Constructor".

How come your starting civ has steel anvils even if they have no iron?

[pisskop]

They used goblinite for iron.  Without reliable iron they decided it was dwarfier to make you spend more for steel.  Made it more Fun.

I found a human civ composed of one abandoned town and one tomb.  All statues and structures were obsidian, yet the civ was extinct.  Explain how such dwarfy humes died?

[Sus]

I found a human civ composed of one abandoned town and one tomb.  All statues and structures were obsidian, yet the civ was extinct.  Explain how such dwarfy humes died?

Those aren't statues. (see: Pompeii)

Why do 90% of engravings in Swampconstructs (my previous fort, left on hiatus) depict the same titan killing various humans?

[Graknorke]

Why do 90% of engravings in Swampconstructs (my previous fort, left on hiatus) depict the same titan killing various humans?

It was a really cool titan.

When will dwarves learn to light fires without pumping up the fires from the centre of the earth?

[pisskop]

They already know.  It's simply undwarfy. As undwarfy as Alchoholics Anonymous.

Why don't goblins use siege engines?  Catapults of kidnapped children (think of the bad thoughts: saw babez smashed against ramparts recently)?  Trained squads of mounted flyers?

[darkgloomie]

Why don't goblins use siege engines?  Catapults of kidnapped children (think of the bad thoughts: saw babez smashed against ramparts recently)?  Trained squads of mounted flyers?

Siege engines are too complex a concept for them
Why catapult children when you can have them grow up and cannibalize their civ?
They would, but goblins are known fatasses; the mounts simply refuse to take flight with them.

How can necromancers raise body parts such hands and heads, but not "upper arms" for example?

[Urist McPenguinhead]

How would upper arms be able to move around? Necromancers can re animate muscles and bones to make a limb move, but they are not skilled enough to magically levitate a body part. Armok help us when they figure that out.

How can a forgotten beast, composed entirely of acid, have mandibles, wings, fingers etc?

[pixl97]

How would upper arms be able to move around? Necromancers can re animate muscles and bones to make a limb move, but they are not skilled enough to magically levitate a body part. Armok help us when they figure that out.

How can a forgotten beast, composed entirely of acid, have mandibles, wings, fingers etc?

Since the topic is 'Could someone explain...'

Do solid acids exist? Yes.http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/chem00/chem00117.htm

[Komra]

We generally go for a more comical variety of acid and more humorous explanations, but chemistry works just as well.

Anyway, new question- Why are engravings' subject matter so inane?