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Author Topic: Could someone explain... The thread where we muse over what causes certain wtfs.  (Read 466714 times)

adasdad

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you fail to understand how dwarves mine. they slam the pick into the ground to use as an anchor, and use their beard hairs to work their way into microscopic cracks in the stone to pull it apart, while holding onto the pick as support.



Why are elves so warlike? they could easily out trade everyone, and build up allies to fight for them.
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Maxmurder

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Without war they would quickly run out of sentients to eat and starve.

If cow milk comes from cows and horse milk comes from horses, where does dwarven milk come from?
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Graebeard

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Umm... Dwarves

Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
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Corai

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Umm... Dwarves

Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?

That is the most digusting thing I have ever read.

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Jacob/Lee: you have a heart made of fluffy
Jeykab/Bee: how the fuck do you live your daily life corai
Jeykab/Bee: you seem like the person who constantly has mini heart attacks because cuuuute

misko27

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Without war they would quickly run out of sentients to eat and starve.

If cow milk comes from cows and horse milk comes from horses, where does dwarven milk come from?
Actuall, It comes from purring maggots. Yeah, Bet you WISH it came from dwarves now huh?

Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
Generally, cause areas nearby are disgnated for walls, in order to get out of the way they step on the actual tile, cause clearly as long as they stanndt there and hog the job, no one will build on them.
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Monk321654

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Umm... Dwarves

Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?

That is the most digusting thing I have ever read.
There's no foreign bacteria.
The reason we need to pasteurize disgusting old cow milk in the first place is because it's filled with tones of foreign microorganisms.
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Minnakht

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Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
A wall occupies the whole tile. Even with long dwarf arms, laying all the bricks from the next tile is kind of hard, so they get closer to work. Of course, they do need to move off the tile to actually finish the work.

Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?
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Giant badgers are cruel saddistic balls of fur and hate. Did anyone know they could paint a wall with a single dwarven baby?.... You know what, I made the Giant badgers sound like sane DF players.
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Monk321654

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A wall occupies the whole tile. Even with long dwarf arms, laying all the bricks from the next tile is kind of hard, so they get closer to work. Of course, they do need to move off the tile to actually finish the work.

Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?
Every single drop of water in and on their body freezes. If the freezing of their vital fluids doesn't kill them, like in the case of Element men, then they flat out get torn apart by water expanding in any crevice.

How does Necromancy work?
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This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).

I'm not your average Bay12er. I care about my drunken midgets.

adasdad

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the necromancer summons foul spirits from the pit, and they pick up the corpses and go "doo ee doo deedooo" while shaking the corpses about.




if dwarves reproduced with spores, how come there hasn't been a single attempt to weaponize them?
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Broseph Stalin

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Rule 1 of Dwarf Fortress, we have weaponized it.
Rule 2 of Dwarf Fortress, if we haven't weaponized it mentioning it will cause us to weaponize it.
Place all married female dwarves in a sealed chamber with plenty of food, drink, weapons, and armor they will continually pump out babies which will become an army you can unleash upon the land while your fortress is completely sealed off from the outside world.

How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?

adasdad

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they pack it into a ball of water-tight beard hair.


why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?
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Maxmurder

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How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?

The same way you throw a steel warhammer after your arms have been cut off.

why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?
why, even with the certain existence of carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes, are dwarves not extinct?


Why, at the moment a siege appears, does Urist MrTantrumCauser decide to go grab the xXpig tail fiber sockXx he left in the forest?
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Without a nervous system...
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Orky_Boss

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How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?

The same way you throw a steel warhammer after your arms have been cut off.

why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?
why, even with the certain existence of carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes, are dwarves not extinct?


Why, at the moment a siege appears, does Urist MrTantrumCauser decide to go grab the xXpig tail fiber sockXx he left in the forest?

(s)He thinks the roar of voices is the signal that he can go outside to look for it.


Why is it Dwarfs have the intuition and creativity to weaponize ANYTHING, and yet are often the dumbest sentients out there at the same time?
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misko27

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It is BECAUSE the have the intuition and inclination to weaponize everything that they are the dumbest sentients, excluding goblins, who simply suck eggs.

Why is my mayor upset about sleeping in a poor bedroom when she has the only ****ing Royal bedroom in the whole ****ing fort?
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Monk321654

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You did assign it to her, right?

Why do people think dwarves are stupid? They've mastered Quantum &^%$ing Mechanics!
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This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).

I'm not your average Bay12er. I care about my drunken midgets.
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