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[Firehawk45]

There hasnt been enough !!FUN!! recently.

Why are 99% of my immigrants either useless, childs, a combination of them or drop dead the moment they arrive? "Yay, a legendary weaponsmith, praise the..." Urist McLegendary drops dead "Nevermind. Hey, Cheesemaker, wannabe a weaponsmith? I had a job in this branche opened recently...."

[Wimopy]

Because the useful people have already been killed or kidnapped, and those who do come have so much ego the game kills them instead of generating it.

Why do I keep getting evil rain the moment I embark on an evil biome, preventing me from doing anything because of the instant, unavoidable paralysis or worse?

[Ehndras]

Its Armok's way of saying "welcome home", with his devilish blessings.

Why can I not get myself to play DFs new updates? Haven't played in 6 months yet I'm dying to play.

[misko27]

Because the awesomeness of the updates requires a waiting period, let your brain melt.

Why do My dwarves procrastinate when I ask them to do something thatwill save them all form horrible, horrible death; yet when the job is devising a horrible self-destruction device, Its always worked hard on till completion?

[Komra]

Dwarves are suicidal. Really, why would they appoint nobles, make EVERYTHING with menacing spikes, eat nothing but weird purple 'shrooms, and forge things in pure magma if they weren't?

How in the heck do you dodge a trap filled with 10 separate deadly discs without moving a step, even if lying down?

[ZeroSumHappiness]

I imagine it looks like this.

Why do child dwarves pick crops but do no other tasks?

[Komra]

Dwarves don't clean most things, prepare family meals, mow lawns, or most any other household task. Farming is the dwarven equivalent of chores.

What causes civilians to fight back as soon as emergency drafts are called, and not before?

[misko27]

well, two reasons. One, Self-preservation isn't in their job description, alla mason, and well, you know, union rules. Secondly, they know they have no chance unless they have a cool name, like "Destructive hammer" or "Whispers of fleeing"

Why are dwarves content to let a vampire live after minor punishment?

[Corai]

Because they dont think there vampires, just a person with freaky ways of making love.


Why are goblins let other races rule them?

[jaxy15]

They hate other goblins, and try REALLY hard to not stab other goblins, which is why they sometimes start fighting each other in front of your fort. It pleases them to see someone other than a goblin rule the civ for once.

Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?

[MaximumZero]

They hate other goblins, and try REALLY hard to not stab other goblins, which is why they sometimes start fighting each other in front of your fort. It pleases them to see someone other than a goblin rule the civ for once.

Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?

I would need a drink after that, too.

What do elves taste like?

[Ehndras]

They hate other goblins, and try REALLY hard to not stab other goblins, which is why they sometimes start fighting each other in front of your fort. It pleases them to see someone other than a goblin rule the civ for once.

Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?

I would need a drink after that, too.

What do elves taste like?

Chicken.

Why do my Dwarves insist on jumping 10-15 Z-levels down my deathpits to kill the goblins that fall in, thereby shattering their own legs and arms in the fall?

[Bobnova]

34.11 beefed up damage from falling things, Urist McGravity does the most damage that way.

Why do Urist McMilitary1 through 10 refuse to attack as a squad, but instead go solo against two dozen goblins?

[MaximumZero]

They want to hog the kills for themselves.

Why is it that any time I get a fort starting to go decently, keas come and steal all my crap? They're like kobolds, but more annoying and less cute!

[Flying Fortress]

Because the keas are sent by Armok to point out flaws in your security.  When a kea steals your useless junk priceless objects its just Armok showing you how to better protect yourself.

Why do I rarely ever get ambushes, but now that I've started a megaproject every goblin and his grandmother are hiding in my shrubbery 24/7?  (Created wealth: 1.5 mil, couldn't possibly have anything to do with it  )