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[Crustypeanut]

Because - Have you ever SEEN how fat the average dwarf is? You know how hard it is for them to reach their nether regions, let alone their feet?

Why is it that a single unarmed, unarmored, unskilled recruit can kill a zombie RHINO easier than he can kill a badger?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Because a zombie is already dead, and making a big dead thing dead is easier than making a small living thing dead.

Why are living badgers so kamikaze? I have never seen them kill anything bigger than a guineafowl. Gant badgers, scary, but normal...?

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Penis envy, they see how badass giant badgers are and must do something macho to make up for it.

Why do dwarves insist on carving in my dining hall, random battles which consisted of little more than goblins faffing about for a bit then pissing off?

[Theifofdreams]

It makes for interesting conversation.

Why is it that Urist freaks out and cancels jobs over something that might be dangerous... if he didn't have ten meters of rock between him and it?

[Girlinhat]

Because he's not.  He's scared of the rock.

Why do my dwarves insist on making granite boats?

[OMGTANGERINES]

Because he's not.  He's scared of the rock.

Why do my dwarves insist on making granite boats?

Because it floats, obviously.

Why does Urist complain about being thirsty then, instead of drinking booze, run out to the river?

[RAKninja]

Why does Urist complain about being thirsty then, instead of drinking booze, run out to the river?

because he is thirsty for a dwarf-carp relationship, obviously.

why does urist mcnoble, who has no job, go on break?

[ImBocaire]

Since his job involves having no job, he goes on break and then secretly works vital jobs.

Why can't dwarves figure out what to do with large gems and gem crafts?

[noodle0117]

Because they are so darn obsessed with their natural crystalline beauty that the moment someone gets an idea of what to do with them, they gaze at the masterfully blessed stones and forget.

The only exception is when a dwarf gets a mood.
While in a mood, dwarves are blind and they feel around with their beards.

Why can a single piece of soap hold up an entire fortress?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Because cave-ins are currently nerfed as far as triggering goes.

Why does my broker, who has little to nothing to do the rest of the time, choose to go on break in the three times of year he or she is needed?

[Reverie]

Because there are obviously affairs between the broker and the liaisons.

How can a dwarf have skills as a clothier, and none for suturing?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Because suturing requires knowledge of how to stitch up wounds while not to puncture various vital organs and clothiering requires knowledge of how to make nice-looking clothes. You might as well ask how someone can be a physics major but be unable to program a physics engine.

Why do dwarves sleep in aquifers and in front of angry giant badgers instead of moving a few tiles to safety if they lack room but are willing to go from the surface to Hell if that's what it stakes to reach their bedroom?

Edit: stupid "spellcheck"

[ThatAussieGuy]

Nothing gets between a Dwarf and a nice warm bed.  Especially one warmed by the fires of the Circus itself.

Why are badgers so dangerous?

[Elisebambi]

Because once carp were pacified... something needed to fill the void.

Why is there no srs bsns in this thread! q-q

[Tersr]

Because you're not looking hard enough.

Why are leather making and clothier completely different skills?