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[crazysheep]

Because that's what life is like to dwarves in their fortresses.

Why are most marksdwarves not keen on training at archery ranges when commanded to do so?

[darkgloomie]

Because that's the elfy way to do it! What sane dorf would ever want to shoot a harmless, inanimate, unfeeling piece of wood when they can make their own gobbo pincushion?

How can pets (and in general, dorfs) find meeting areas that are most definitely too far away from any normal traffic area?

[Blizzlord]

Although not part of it, the dwarven hive-mind is powerful enough to incept thoughts into those who have been exposed to its horror.

Why is there no form of dwarven education in place? It would be handy if they practised smithing as children.

[pisskop]

Children need to be free to deconstruct walls and mob FBs and play babyshield.  A childhood is precious and not to be wasted working, even if the work is so pleasant.

Why do fortress mode dorfs need booze, bur adventurer dorfs not?

[xeniorn]

Adventurer dwarves are queer fellows, not very much like fotress dwarves. Booze instills a hive mind in its consumer, and the hive mind then dictates consuming more booze.

How do dwarves succeed in mining 40 tiles, acquiring 12 stones, turning them to 48 blocks, filling those 40 tiles back and ending up with extra 4 conjured up stone blocks?

[GoombaGeek]

1. Blocks are stacked in place.
2. Beard hair placed between blocks.
3. Beard hair expands in a convoluted lattice pattern. Space is filled.
4. MAGIC WALLS

Why do adventurers drink blood but refuse to drink out of a murky pool?

[crazysheep]

Adventurers know that blood is more nutritious than murky pool water.

Why is vampirism spread through blood rather than bites?

[misko27]

Because, Given the Vampires inclination to bite legendaries, it would quickly lead to every players dream, and Dwarf fortress simply counldn't allow that. It was oorgianlly as you described, but Armok himself intervened. Said it woud be to damn pansy.

Why do dwarves refuse to differentiate between "task that will save the fort" versus "Task that will get me some bacon".I am refering to PULL THE DAMN LEVER of course. Surely passing dwarves who are, say, of to train a animal could just pull the lever on the way there?

[gbrngfol]

Since they already have a job they think Armok will set his war rabbits on them if they do someone else's.

Why do miners insist on braking all their toes while mining straight downwards?

[Sus]

Unfortunately, the Dwarven hive mind is not very spohisticated. As such, it can't manage complex task priority issues like "interrupt useless task A to perform fort-saving task B". Like Borg drones, dwarves will singe-mindedly pursue whatever task they currently have at hand, be it manually hauling a xpitchblende boulderx across the entire map or pulling a lever (also conveniently designated to the dwarf furthest away from the lever), unless there is an immediate, clear and present danger (i.e. a particularly vicious-looking raccoon) to their well being.

[edit]Ninja'd. Breaking toes while mining downwards is another issue related to dwarven stupidity. Like Wily E. Coyote, the moment a dorf realizes digging out the stone under his own feet was a bad idea is the moment he feels for the ground with a hand and finds out it's no longer there (the ground, that is).

Why is it that tasks always get assigned to the dwarf furthest away from the task target?

[Blizzlord]

Because although the hive mind has a great sense of direction, it is quite lacking when it comes to locations.

Why haven't the dwarven mechanics guild invented a mobile form of mechanics?

[darkgloomie]

Because so far nobody quite managed to find a way to get a were-dwarf to "Transform and roll out!"

How come any drink you can produce is alcoholic? Is there no space in a fortress for, say, berry juice or ground-sunberry-blend-in-boiling-water?

[Culise]

Sugary beverages such as those made from berries spontaneously ferment on contact with dwarves.  This is believed to be related to dwarven spore-based reproduction methods, analogous to surface-dweller yeast-based methods. 

Why does it take one bar to make 25 bolts, but 25 bolts make 2.5 bars? 

[gbrngfol]

Quite simply trace metals from the dwarven sweat mixes with whatever they are forging so in the end you have more metal than you started with.

Why are there no pulleys/wires connecting my bridge to my lever?

[crazysheep]

The wires are there all right, just smooshed into the floor mud. As for the pulleys, that's what mechanisms are.

Why do dwarves under drawbridges get smashed into nothingness, rather than leaving a blood spatter?