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[Sensei]

**Remember that new rules can be found in the Pantheon spoiler!**

Welcome, sit down. DO I HAVE TO ASK YOU TWICE?

Find some safety goggles, it is prudent to protect your eyes while participating in this RTD. Remember:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Alright, this RTD will be very FAST PACED. It will be fast paced and LETHAL. You will attempt to do exactly ONE action per turn. If you roll a 1, you DIE. If you roll a 2, you are DISFIGURED. If you roll a 6, you succeed but MAIM, KILL OR DISFIGURE YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE. You are not discouraged from attempting to cause other people to die, but they will probably try to kill you in return.

Sometimes succeeding will ALSO KILL YOU.

If your character survives for THREE TURNS, you will ASCEND TO GODHOOD and may choose to affect the setting in one way, be it major or minor, per character. You will then join the PANTHEON. For all else, the adventure ends in the TOMB OF THE COSMICALLY INSIGNIFICANT.

To start, simply created a character. You do not need to wait for my confirmation, all characters will be served. You will need:
-A NAME
-A GENDER, if applicable
-ONE SKILL
-ONE ITEM (you may be implied to have clothes)
-A BACKGROUND. This will describe most of your character and what purposeless business they engaged in prior to the short, sudden end to their existance. Absurdity tolerated.
-Your FIRST ACTION. You will do this immediately.

Each turn, INCLUDING WHEN YOU CREATE YOUR CHARACTER, you must select an action. If you have not chosen an action by the time I feel a turn should roll around, your character will pick their nose, regardless of how much peril they may be in.

Once several characters have been submitted, I will create a SETTING and enact your actions in it. YES, you choose your actions before you know what setting you're all in on the game's first term. Tough luck for pioneers.

COMMENCE SLAUGHTER. Will you aid others on seeking a path to nirvana or plot their downfall? EITHER WAY YOUR MORTAL LIVES ARE MEANINGLESS.

Spoiler: THE PANTHEON (See New Rules Here!) (click to show/hide)

1: War- God of Mysticism. When a player kills another player, they take a step toward ascension.
2: Joe- Lord of Duty. Players must survive for four turns to ascend instead of three.
3: Raptor McNinja- Hand of Shadow. Changed the setting to feudal dinosaur japan.
4: Kroblag- God of Barbaric Table Manners. Players who are drunk and wearing loincloths gain +1 to brawlin'.
5: TARREN- Judge of the Dead. From now on, every three turns, everyone goes from a +1 bonus to a -1 penalty and back. For example, next turn they will have +1, the turn after +0, turn after -1, turn after +0, turn after +1 again...
6: Cackles the Mad- God of Trickery.
7: Sam- God of the Untheatrically Mundane.
8: Eon Le Deuxieme, Dieu de Feu.

Spoiler: TOMB OF THE COSMICALLY INSIGNIFICANT (click to show/hide)

1: BDTHEMAG, homicidal programmer. Talked to death about Canary Perches by Joe. His killer has reached godhood.
2: Toaster: knocked off his pogo stick and fell off a building, because of a force bolt from War. His killer has reached godhood.
3: Sharax: Hit by Toaster's falling pogo stick while rappelling, then a car fell on him. Indirectly War's fault. His killer has reached godhood.
4: Tarren's Statuette: Tarren smacked its head off. His killer has reached godhood.
5: Killroy: Decapitated by Kroblag, but he was gonna die anyway. His killer has reached godhood.
6: OCHITAAAAA: Suffocated after being teleported to the moon. Probably War's fault, but War was already a god by the time he finished not breathing.
7: Kikdog: Wantonly decapitated by Kroblag. Her killer has reached godhood.
8: Ahra: Ripped his own damn torso out and rolled a 1 trying to sew himself together. Currently a zombie.
8a: Zombie Ahra got set on fire by Eon and burned up easily due to being rotten. Eon, naturally, achieved godhood.
9: DEATHBOT5001: Laser malfunction.
10: Bunnybob: Caved a building in on himself.
11: Turak: Very impolite to a Tyrannosaur.

[Krath]

Name: Raptor McNinja
Gender: MAAAAALE
Skill: DINOSAUR NINJA ARTS (+1 to STEALTH KILLS)
Item: Stereotypical Katana (Extra large for a raptor...!)
Background: A raptor who studied ninjutsu under the legendary Raptor Jesus.

FLIP THE FUCK OUT

[Bdthemag]

NAME: BDTHEMAG
GENDER: DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL TO YOU?!??!!?
SKILL: MAIMING THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE (+1 to attacking!)
ITEM: REINFORCED KEYBOARD
BACKGROUND: A FORMER PROGRAMMER, GONE INSANE.

GOD DAMNIT SENSEI YOU GOT ME PUMPED UP!!!!!

[IronyOwl]

HOLY SHIT.

-NAME: SHARAX THE HUNGERING
-GENDER: AHHHH, FRESH MEAT
-SKILL: HAND TO HAND COMBAT
-ITEM: RUSTY SPIKED CHAIN
-STORY: SHARAX IS A HORRIFYING AND MALEVOLENT GHOUL, FOND OF TEARING THE LIVING ASUNDER AND FEASTING ON THEIR STILL WARM REMAINS. MOST OF HIS PLANS AND GOALS FOLLOW NATURALLY FROM THE AFOREMENTIONED HOBBIES.

FEAST ON THE LIVING

[Nirur Torir]

Name: Joe.
Gender: Male.
Skill: Leafology.
Item: Report on canary cages.
Background: Joe was a completely average, boring office worker. He has worked at the same job for twenty years, always quietly wondering why he was never promoted. Due to being utterly boring, he has never married. His hobby is collecting leaves. He can talk for hours about them. Do not ask him about leaves.

Ask if anyone has seen Mary. I have to give her that report on canary perches. Then ask if anyone has seen my report on canary perches; I'm sure I had it on me. This isn't it at all.

[Imakuni]

Name: War
Gender: Male
Skill: Wizardry (+1 to magic)
Item: Wand of polymorph
Background: Just a regular Chaotic Orc Wizard, going to the Dungeons of Doom hoping to find glory, when he suddenly found himself here.

Zap Joe with my wand of polymorph.

[jc6036]

name: Killroy | | Profession: Bounty Hunter | | Skill: +1 in MELEE ASS KICKING | | Bio: Killroy has no last name, only Killroy. He was a bounty hunter from earth that often maced people for no reason, and was in the process of beating a criminal with a blunt object when he ended up here. | | Scan the area and bash whatevers coming at me with a *blunt object*.

[Sensei]

TURN ONE
The turn has commenced. There are currently no gods, so it is futile to pray for mercy.

Somewhere on the west coast of America...

The sun is rising, to reveal a city in anarchy. Everything was normal until yesterday- exactly as the sun stuck the horizon, someone, somewhere, completed a fell ritual from the Necronomicon. Eldritch horrors now walk the land. In retaliation, someone attempted to stop the issue short with nuclear missiles. Then there was an earthquake. A secret government program involving time portals seems to have been lost control of, perhaps causing your presence here today. You can also see at least one frost giant on the horizon, so Ragnarok is probably at hand too.

All of you are, for one reason or another, on the second floor of a three-story elevated parking garage. There are just a few cars, which is probably good because it looks as if one or more load bearing beams has been compromised and the entire building is starting to list.

Do whatever you must to survive.

Raptor McNinja (Krath)

FLIP THE FUCK OUT

(3) You FLIP OUT. Your tail hits a car and causes a gas leak. It still wasn't very satisfying.

BDTHEMAG

I forgot to post an action!

You decide to attack whoever is in front of you... (dice roll is 4, so the 4th person of 6 on the list is Joe). You raise your keyboard and (1) before you can murder him, he starts talking about canary perches. You can't stand it! Your brains melt and fall out of your ears. YOU ARE NOW DEAD.

SHARAX THE HUNGERING (IronyOwl)

FEAST ON THE LIVING

(2) There's a guy laying gargling in his own blood, so you decide to feast on that. You accidentally end up eating his STEEL KEYBOARD and BREAK YOUR JAW OFF. It's going to be difficult to feast on the living now unless you can turn them into a paste first.

Joe (Nirur Torir)

Ask if anyone has seen Mary. I have to give her that report on canary perches. Then ask if anyone has seen my report on canary perches; I'm sure I had it on me. This isn't it at all.

(5) Some nerdy looking fellow raises his keyboard- it looks like he had your documents stuck in it! You tell him all about canary perches as a thank you. His ears bleed and then brains start sopping out of them. Suddenly your glasses turn into a calculator, (2) and your vision is quite blurry without them. The calculator falls to the ground.

War (Imakuni)

Zap Joe with my wand of polymorph.

(3) Your wand of polymorph works fine, but it hits Joe's glasses. His glasses are now a calculator.

Killroy (jc6036)

Scan the area and bash whatevers coming at me with a *blunt object*.

(2) You're about to resume mugging a complete stranger in a parking garage, but you drop your *blunt object* and destroy your left eye. You are bleeding a ton!

SURVIVORS:
Raptor, Sharax (No jaw), Joe (poor vision, lost glasses), War, Killroy (No left eye, bleeding) (1 turn each)

DEAD:
Bdthemag, talked to death.

[Toaster]

Name:  Toaster
Gender:  Male
Skill:  Superhumanly tough
Item:  Pogo stick
Bio: A man crazy enough to attempt godhood... while on a pogo stick.


Action:  Exit the building while defending myself from attackers.

(Argh, ninjaed by mod.)

[Nirur Torir]

I grab the report and obliviously walk out of the building while trying to figure out where Mary went.

[jc6036]

Hold my left eye and scream in agony, all the while kicking my victim to death. Pick up my club after the slaughter.

[Sensei]

Don't worry Toaster- it's perfectly valid to join mid-game. You even have an approximate idea of where you'll be when you start flailing around!

[Ochita]

NAME: OCHITAAAAAAA
GENDER: I AM A *MAN*
SKILL: INDUCING INSANITY (+1 to making things go insane/sane (whatevers worst)!)
ITEM: PINK DICE
BACKGROUND: JUST A MAN, GOING CRAZY.

[Toaster]

Don't worry Toaster- it's perfectly valid to join mid-game. You even have an approximate idea of where you'll be when you start flailing around!

Noted- I edited my turn, if that's cool.

[Imakuni]

Cast force bolt at Killroy