You hear a lot of weird ads on the radio when your commuting times are 10PM and 4AM, since they're ads specifically targeted at people who would have such a schedule and economic condition to be in a car by themselves at that hour. Dating services and condoms, mostly, but weird drugs too, and this one really caught my attention.
America's favorite legal drug craze is "stuff that keeps you awake when you shouldn't be", as exemplified in craploads of energy drinks, now distilled into pure liquid
awake shots and pills. This ad in particular was for
Nuvigil (as in New Vigil, opposed to your old crappy eight-hours-sleep vigil) marketed for people who work the graveyard shift; key ingredient / non-street name
Armodafinil, a hardcore anti-narcolepsy prescription. Okay, so it's speed you can buy with a doctor's note (since apparently you're supposed to dictate what medicine you want your doctor to give you), all good so far.
What blew me away was the side effects. This being the 21st century, the "mandatory, trial-test possibilities disclosure" portion made up about 2/3s of the radio spot, awkwardly wedged between the sales hook and the sales pitch. The
public interest list doesn't do justice to what the actual ad decided to disclose: hallucinations, increased aggression, thoughts of suicide, total insomnia, muscle spasms and stiffness, yellowing of the eyes, sores and lesions, and general skin rash and peeling that can become
life threatening in severity (see a doctor immediately). "Nuvigil is not intended to replace sleep."
In other words, it turns you into an unnaturally decaying shamble of a human, who can no longer distinguish reality from nightmares in their blind rage. Mark my words, the first time you hear a newscaster sputter their way through the word "zombification", you'll have Nuvigil to blame.
Sleep now? Sleep never!
Sleep with one eye open. That's Nuvigil, brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation (I guess).
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Topic: The omninous name has to be intentional. (Read 3925 times)