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[DrPoo]

So today i got ripped fucking 250 units of my native currency for an absolutely shit and underthought game. So today i was out buying new headphones since my last ones lost their buds wich make them teribly incomfortable to wear, so i bought them and tried them, they rocked, sony rocks. Then i saw the game for sale, cheap now i know why the fuck it was so fucking cheap (Games are usually 500 here, so fuckign expensive for some piece of monkey crap) and i have wanted it for so long, but never quite got to the point where i could actually buy it. So i bought it, then i got ripped another 20 bucks for an absolutely hot air "game cd guarantee". I came home, worked my arse off so i could play the game. So i inserted the CD, the installer was in fucking chineese or some other asian crapgibberishwheretheonlyfuckingwordispokemon the game was installed, then the first shit impression, i had to make Microshit Bulldows Undead ID, then a Rockstar AntisocialOMGILIEKRAP club account, and numerous times i had to tick off DOUW4NTSP4MLUL0LZ shit wich was ticked on by default, wich is actually illegal in my country. So i made all thoose crappy garbage accounts, but they wouldnt connect, so i had to do an offline account. So i finally got into the game, it stuttered like hell, i mean, not as if it was crysis on a toaster, it ran smoothly, then stuttered, then ran smooth for 2-3 seconds then STUTT-T-T-T UTTER so i played for hours with the graphics settings, i googled and googled to a point where i had like 54 tabs of USELESS crap open, I did everything possible in the world to get it to run on my machine that runs Crysis demo like a fucking idian charm thing that you got ripped off from in a random souvenir store in a amusement park completely unreleated to indian charms. So finally i got through the internets near infinite shitload of crap to figure out that they hired monkeys to port the game to PC, and that it was so unoptimised that even Shores of Hazeron beats it in optimisation. The only thing that keeps me from suicding now is the fact that i just ate ham and icecream and the autospy would be a mess if i died on a full stomach, and Kerbal Space Program. I mean why the fuck cant people optimise their crap? Take the Windows API for example, once upon a time i wrote a hello world, then some random gibberish like fahrenheit/some other fucking useless and stupid measuring unit some drunk brit made one day while working on his shit pile of whatever kind of construction project he was squeesing out of his fucking ass. I think that anyone who wants to make a game and sell it, should have the game run through some kind of third party quality verification before even DREAMING about hitting the shelves, i mean the programmers should get some kind of publication license wich can only be obtained by taking a course in proper programming, and they should put atleast a year of work into each port, because im not gonna spend so much money on PC games bullcrap again, if i am ever going to play a PC game again, it should be freeware, something i made or something i borrowed from the grey market.

Never buy a rockstar game again, unless ofcourse, its a console game.

[Tilla]

I literally cannot read any of this. I'm not even going to try it's far too much of a mess.

[Cthulhu]

I was about to say the same thing.  I tried to skim through it to see the gist but I'll literally have to peruse it to see what you're saying and that's not cool man.

That being said, Yeah, GTA4 for the PC sucks.  It was the first game my new gaming computer couldn't run at maximum graphics settings, and I was well above the recommended specs.

[cerapa]

Never buy a rockstar game again, unless ofcourse, its a console game.

Yay for excusing future bad ports and console focus!

[Gunner-Chan]

The jist of it is it ran like crap and tried to make him make accounts, but that's still no excuse to type like a 5 year old.

[SHAD0Wdump]

Sounds like you were sold a bootleg version.

[Fikes]

Yeahhhhhh....

GTA IV was annoying. I had to make 2 different accounts to start up the game. When I finally did get in the game it would slow down to less than a frame per second at a random point between 0 and 15 minutes after startup. I put in a help ticket that took 5 days to get answered, they fixed the problem.

After all that noise? Great game. Lots of fun. Good characters, good dialog.

When I think "Bad console port" I think "Not good to play with a keyboard and mouse". GTAIV was fine, keyboard and mouse worked great and remapping was simple. It did have issues, but it was a fun game none the less.

Chill out.
Learn to type.
Find a fix.
Enjoy the game.

As for never buying a Rockstar game again... just resolve to do more research and not pre-order or buy on release day. There is no excuse to skip good games just because of a lemon once in a while, not when you have tons of sites that review and the B12 forums to educate.

[hemmingjay]

while I was able to eventually discern the meaning, my initial thought was that Dr.Poo had been hacked by the most incoherent spambot ever.

[Toaster]

Interesting take on a spambot- badmouthing the competition.

[Shadowlord]

Then i saw the game for sale, cheap now i know why the fuck it was so fucking cheap (Games are usually 500 here, so fuckign expensive for some piece of monkey crap) and i have wanted it for so long, but never quite got to the point where i could actually buy it. So i bought it, then i got ripped another 20 bucks for an absolutely hot air "game cd guarantee". I came home, worked my arse off so i could play the game. So i inserted the CD, the installer was in fucking chineese or some other asian crapgibberishwheretheonlyfuckingwordispokemon the game was installed

Maybe you should'n't have bought a pirated version of the game :3

Not that the actual version of the game doesn't come with a bunch of crap (Requiring a Windows Live ID, the rockstar social thing, etc), but the steam version at least patches much of it out, IIRC. Still has securom though, and shitty optimization, which is one reason I never bought it (I could run it, but I don't like securom). But you should've done your homework before buying the game.

So in short: You're raging because you didn't do your homework, you bought a game with a bunch of annoying crap in it, and your computer can't even handle it because the developers didn't bother to optimize it or anything when they ported it over to the PC. You bought it without checking to make sure you'd be able to run it or that it wouldn't come with any shit that you didn't want to deal with.

[Cthulhu]

The worst part about GTA4PC's problems is that they bragged about spending an exorbitant amount of money (Either 40,000 or 200,000, one of those two) on their copy protection.  It was cracked pretty much immediately, of course, and the game was horribly optimized.  Money well spent.

[BigD145]

The first pirated version worked fine. At least it had better steering than Saints Row 2.

[Soulwynd]

Actually, I've only played the pirated version and I had none of the problems mentioned. Didn't have to make a single account and it ran at bearable 25-30fps on max.

Then I think my cousin never stopped calling me and the game lacked all the fun ridiculous sidequests and even ridiculous main quests so I just deleted it and never bothered with it again.

Then I saw the complete edition on steam... 32gb of hd required.... haha... no.

[nenjin]

Actually, I've only played the pirated version and I had none of the problems mentioned. Didn't have to make a single account and it ran at bearable 25-30fps on max.

Same, except I stopped when I got bored. (Which took about two days of epic playing.) I never encountered any bugged missions of scripts. Like many immigrants to this country, I got a nice suit and a M-16 and was left asking "ver do I go frum here?"

[Nistenf]

Same as the last two, I played it when it came out at maximum graphics and never had a problem