Mission commander Jebediah Kerman: I have been waiting for days… are all the angles aligned? Or whatever else we were waiting for.
Lieutenant Bob: Phase angle is correct. 20 minutes until we reach ejection axis and our launch window opens.
Lieutenant Bill: All systems nominal. Waiting for orders
Jeb: First order. Bring me to Duna! I heard it was made of ground meat.
Bill: Seezon,activate engines’ reactors, be ready to open fuel valves
Seezon: Engines in Standby. Ready for burn at manoeuvre point
Bob: Hudbles, activate RCS thrusters and turn the ship in the Duna transfer burn direction
Hudbles: Will be ready in few minutes. Careful when the turn begins.
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Jeb: Are we there yet?
Bob: Yes, we are almost ready for the burn. Last data from ships computer says we need 1020.7 m/s of Delta-V . burn should last 7 to 8 minutes, depending on engine performance and manoeuvres we might need to do during the burn.
Jeb: Yes, but when can I land on Duna?
Bob: Jeb… this mission will last 80 days. Each way.
Jeb: I knew I should have taken a second pair of socks.
Bill: Everybody fasten your seat belts. Place floating objects in whatever nook in the walls you can find. Burn in 60 seconds. Seezon, check again fuel transfer from drop tanks. Hudbles, report on the power system.
Seezon: Drop tanks, nominal. Fuel lines nominal.
Hudbles : Solar panels nominal. Batteries nominal. Wires nominal.
Bill: Ready to start the burn. Bob?
Bob: Mission control confirms our flight plan. Jeb?
Jeb: I don’t think I have enough toothpaste either. Will you let me use your?
Bob: We have supplies in the service module.
Jeb: Perfect! I wouldn’t want to come back with bad teeth. Fire the engines!
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Jeb: *yawns*. Are we there yet?
Bill: For the 80th time, , Jeb-
Bob: Actually, Bill, this time the answer is yes. Do you see that red dot out of the window?
Jeb: Yes. But I am not going outside to clean space dust from the window.
Bob: No, no. that is Duna. You can even see Ike. I am computing a manoeuvre to achieve orbit. Then, we will have to move from the current polar orbit to an equatorial one. Will be tricky, but we will have more time to prepare that.
Hudbles, activate RCS. Be ready to change heading to the values I’ll send you.
Hudbles: Yes sir. Pressurizing RCS pipes.
Bill: Seezon, activate fuel pumps. Then fill engine tanks from storage tanks. I’ll double check that all systems are nominal. Then we must balance centre of mass.
Seezon: Pumps active. Initializing fuel transfer procedure.
Jeb: Cool!
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Bob: We are on equatorial orbit. Now we need to lower periapsis, then circularize orbit. We will have to burn much Delta-V… but luckily we have plenty of fuel.
Jeb: This seems easy! I want to try too!
Bill & Bob: Wait! You c-
*Engines fire*Jeb: It is fun! Also, we are going to get so much closer to that grey rock.
Bill: I hope we aren’t too far off course. This might be a disaster. You can’t just pilot a spaceship like a plane! I don’t fire the engines by magic, we have a limited supply of fuel!
Bob: Bill… look at this. According to the computer, Jeb placed us on course for a gravitational slingshot that will slow us down and leave us in a much lower orbit. We just need to circularize it.
Bill: Hmpf. Jeb, I don’t know if you are secretly the most brilliant person here, or you are just so incredibly lucky. I should be used to that now…
Still, next time warn us first. I got hit by a dozen random objects.
Jeb: I am an amazing pilot!
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Bill: Jeb, it is time to climb into the lander. Wear your EVA suit.
Jeb: Yes! Finally! I will take commands. I want to pilot the lander all the way down!
Bill: That is exactly your job, Jeb. Bob, Hudbles, Seezon , take care of the ship.
Bob: Have fun, you two. And try to come back whole and unharmed.
Seezon: I’ll keep engines ready for when you come back, sir.
Hudbles: And cakes and wine for when you land.
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Jeb: That is not fair, I can’t control this thing!
Bill: We are on autopilot at the moment. Bob is sending us toward a crater, so we can more easily find a flat place to land on. Manual control will be enabled when we are close enough to begin the actual landing and deorbiting stage finishes firing and decouples, in a few minutes.
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Jeb: Ah! Now it works. Go parachutes!
Bill: We are still out of atmosphere. They won’t properly deploy until we are lower. We don’t know how thick the atmosphere is. Bob recommends to fire the lander engines to reduce speed.
Jeb: not yet.
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Bill: 7000 meters, parachutes deployed. They are slowing us down a bit but we are still very fast… now you can fire engines.
Jeb: not yet!
Bill: but Jeb-
Jeb: not yet!
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Bill: JEB! We aren’t slowing down quickly enough. Atmosphere is thinner than we thought! You must use the engines!
Jeb: Not yet. Parachutes aren’t even fully deployed. We have time.
Bill: We are 4000 m high and falling quickly. I don’t even know if they will be fully deployed before we crash!
Jeb: Landing gear on!
Bill: Are you even listening to me? We are at 3000 meters! Fire the engines now or we will both die!
Jeb: I want to see how far I can get without them.
Bill: Is this a game of chicken? Against a planet ?? This is not a joke, we are falling!
Jeb: Chicken.
Bill: radar altimeter says we are just 1000 meters from surface. You are sending us on the side of an hill!!
Fire those *censored* engines!
Jeb: Not yet.
Bill: Gimme commands ! We are running out of time! Landing predicted in 25 seconds!
Jeb: Just wait…
Bill: We are falling at 15 m/s! it is enough to damage legs and engines! If we survive, we will be trapped! Touchdown in 10, 9, 8-
Jeb: Now!
*rumble*
*puff*
Jeb: Landed!
Bill: I don’t know if you are a genius or an idiot but , Jeb, I deeply hate you. I am much too busy feeling alive to kill you however.
Jeb: I am going out of a walk. See you!
Bill: Wait Jeb. We don’t-
*tumpf*
Bill: -have a ladder.
Jeb: Hey. This place is full of annoying red dust. It is not meat.
Bill: Obviously not! It is ridiculous! Like saying that Mun is made of cheese.
Jeb: But it is! I ate some when we went there.
Bill: You- oh, never mind. I’ll call Bob and send him the pictures, then I’ll perform the experiments.