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[MetalSlimeHunt]

The police wouldn't understand that Nikov is doing the work of AMERICA by destroying Communists. The police have been infected by the Socialist Liberal Academia Media Bias, and cannot be trusted.

[scriver]

I think the choice of words and tune says Nikov's being sarcastic, Jack.

Especially the "true story bro".

edit: In which case, I'd like to add, I thought it was very funny. Otherwise, I think it is rather scary 

[Jackrabbit]

I still think a dog or raccoon got in.

[sonerohi]

It was Nikovs evil twin. A Russian Communist bachelor.

[Heron TSG]

Damn. Nivok returns.

[Cthulhu]

I have a great story about beating people up.  This one time I was walking around outside when I saw some local cops bullying a girl because she was of mixed heritage.  I told them off but they get rowdy and I kicked their asses.  I seriously punched one so hard his teeth came out.  Literally.  She was a pretty good fighter too. 

After we won I invited her to join my group of friends.  She said yes because she has pretty much no home or anything because of her heritage.  She was really appreciative.  I was gonna date her but it turns out there's only one eligible girl in my group of friends.  She's a vegan and I think she might be in PETA.  Damn.

[sonerohi]

This one time, I opened my locker at school and saw a massive spider, seriously the size of my fist. I left that guy alone. He can have the locker, it's his now.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Once, I challenged my python to a staring contest, and after three months, I won. True story.

[vagel7]

Once, I challenged my python to a staring contest, and after three months, I won. True story.

You can't win a snake, as the snake has already lost since it's eyelids are always closed.

[G-Flex]

Is this a fake story competition now?

Once, I heard a weird rattling noise coming from my bedroom window, like chains or something. I couldn't see anything, so I opened the window to get a better look outside, when this phantasmal dude covered in shackles and metal cashboxes and junk literally flew into my room. He started mumbling something about money and redemption and spirits and he kind of looked like a guy I knew, but that guy was dead so I figured he was just trying to jack my shit. Man's home is his castle and that has consequences, and I've learned a lot of exotic improvised weaponry techniques from my own self-training, so I tore one of my decorative Haruhi paper fans off the wall near my bed (like hell I'm gonna ruin one of my authentic replica daisho on some stupid specter) and threw it across the room like a boomerang. It severed all of his ghost arteries or whatever and he started leaking ectoplasm everywhere and wailing and collapsed in a heap of goo, so I scraped him up and put him in one of the genuine Egyptian canopic jars on my Yu-Gi-Oh shelf. He's still in there screaming but I can't hear him worth a damn because the jar is pretty well sealed, but mostly I talk to him about my fanfic and ask him for shipping advice. Fuck cops, I can handle this shit myself.

[Grimshot]

 I once bashed a man who wandered into my lair in the head with my sock, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!

[scriver]

I once ate a completely ordinary sandwich. It didn't taste very different from other sandwiches I've had.

True story.

[Jacob/Lee]

I once saw someone derail a topic, I said we should get it back ontopic and left.

True story.

[Cthulhu]

A topic about why Americans wear pajamas.

I once got a real life katana in Gatlinburg for 30 dollars.  I killed a mugger with it to protect this girl, and she was like "Thank youuu ^.^" and I was gonna kiss her but I got nervous.  True story.

[Nikov]

In all seriousness, it was a true story.