Part of me wants to just drop it and begin a life of materialistic, carnal bliss. The other part of me misses God really, really badly.
That's a false dichtonomy. If you drop your theism you don't have to become a hedonistic materialist. I mean, that sounds fun, but that isn't what you
have to do.
You can't beat having a friend you can telepathically speak to about anything anytime, who also guides and cares for you, never blames you, but is willing to call you out on personal flaws that are getting out of control.
I want you to reread that sentence and not think about the context of your post when I tell you this: Can you see how similar your view of god is to an imaginary friend that a child would have? That's not intended to be an insult, I'm honestly asking.
I believed God created me straight, but then something happened during my childhood (NOT rape) that led me to becoming gay. My mother is very overbearing, bossy, and always more than willing to get into a screaming argument with my dad anytime. When dad was flying for the air force, we moved around a lot, so I never had a chance to make real friends, especially with girls, and see that my mother is the exception, not the rule. Or I could just be gay. Which reminds me. Does anyone have a link to a site or news article about the current theory (or proven fact) about how or why people end up gay?
This is a complicated subject, but I'll give you my educated guess. You can see that, in general, people are willing to "bend" their sexuality due to circumstance from things such as people in jail who will call themselves "Prison Gay". This does not mean that they've made themselves gay, but that they've entered a homosexual relationship due to the obvious lack of opposite sex partners. If released, these people will almost always go back to heterosexual relationships.
So there are two factors here: Genetic and Enviornmental. Do not go thinking that the genetic part of this is a single "gay gene", because it isn't. Anything as complicated as sexuality would be a polygenic trait simply by default. Nonetheless, our genetics estabish a base for an individual's sexuality, and this can be anything from exclusively homosexual, to totally and completely bisexual, to exclusively heterosexual, to anything else in between.
Now, for environmental, do not, I repeat, do
not believe that this means you can make yourself straight. Ex-gay facilites have been proven time and time again to be harmful to a person's mental health. The environmental is less about your enviornment changing your true sexuality than it is changing your perception of sexuality due to a limited selection of potential mates. Such as the prison example I gave eariler. However, you don't need to be behind bars to be effected by environmental factors. A mental state of fear about one's genetically estabished sexuality can allow for self-denial.
Like I said, this is my educated guess on the subject. Hypothesis, not theory.