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[Duuvian]

I enjoyed reading it quite a bit. One thing that would be interesting to me would be all the formulas that make magic work in your story. More importantly what Toady does with your ideas. If Toady can make a game that can be constantly updated and able to generate stories at a whim; he and you will be more famous than Tolkien.

It was quite a good story. If you were ever to flesh it out and keep a copy to work on you might be able to have a few books printed eventually. After all, you guys own the exclusive rights to the dwarf fortress universe. That being that it's as random as the game but would make sense.

My only criticism would be that I wish that the combats were step by step detail, although I understand that's the hardest part to imagine. However, it can be the most fun as long as you spend the time, as I enjoy detail.

I guess what I'm saying Threetoe is that you have the opportunity to be half of what could surpass Tolkien. As the writer you would set the rules of the universe.

[Shiney]

While It was a bit quick and magic did get a bit... Deus Ex Machina-y at times, I'm ok with this..
When I read fiction, I generally care more about the world that is woven together in front of me, more so than what actually happens in the story.
In this Regard , I feel the Story was truly epic.

[DeadlyLintRoller]

12273 words, this has gone beyond short story and is in novelette territory. make it about 4x longer and Three Toe could actually get a published Novel.

A short novel.

A standard length at one time.
http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2010/03/cmap-5-why-books-are-the-lengt.html.

[Neonivek]

Dang it, I feel like I am missing something seeing the glowing reviews here.

[thvaz]

Dang it, I feel like I am missing something seeing the glowing reviews here.

I'm not surprised. You do nothing here but to complain for quite some time.

[Footkerchief]

Snarkiness ends right now.  There is absolutely no reason to bring that in here.

[cephalo]

I think that when you write about magic you have to be very careful. I'm feeling continuity problems, but because the story involves alot of magic, I can't prove it.

[Neonivek]

I think that when you write about magic you have to be very careful. I'm feeling continuity problems, but because the story involves alot of magic, I can't prove it.

There is no continuity problems I can see other then Cado getting exceptionally skilled in a very short period of time... but that is more that Cado gave in to the dark forces of magic with a large implication that it is the fast track to power (Similar to the "Dark side" in starwars. It is a quick way to instant power). That and my own theory is that Cado's own talent was noticed by his old master who essentially was trying to teach him everything he knows.

The story just moves so fast that often your scratching your head when Cado is suddenly in an entirely different universe (The Fairy Queen/King did that to me... I didn't even understand what was going on at that point). Id call the Pace of Cado to be "Running". It isn't too bad, the writing is enough that even if you don't know how you got there, you know you got there by the end of it.

I do have a question though: Was the Dwarves plantlikedness an illusion created by the enemy wizard, or was it an illusion of her own creation?

[Psieye]

I interpreted that as her body being metamorphised to be like a tree because she was using druid magic. The price for the usage of her power. Replace "dark side" with "nature side" and she's in a similar position to Cado - large power at a high price.

[Hitty40]

Good story. I just read up on the analysis, and I kinda came up with the thought that if a dwarf has a dream and somehow the dream they were having turns into another plane, you are automaticly put inside their dream into adventure mode with everything he is equipped with and have to probrably like kill everything, pick up an object to escape, etc. If they die while in the dream, he either receives a negative thought or be unconsious for a few months.

[Neonivek]

I interpreted that as her body being metamorphised to be like a tree because she was using druid magic. The price for the usage of her power. Replace "dark side" with "nature side" and she's in a similar position to Cado - large power at a high price.

Yes that was what I guessed until the rather confusing end with her solo battle with a wizard. Apperantly she wasn't actually turning into a tree or something...

[Vorthon]

I interpreted that as her body being metamorphised to be like a tree because she was using druid magic. The price for the usage of her power. Replace "dark side" with "nature side" and she's in a similar position to Cado - large power at a high price.

Yes that was what I guessed until the rather confusing end with her solo battle with a wizard. Apperantly she wasn't actually turning into a tree or something...

The way I read it, it sounded more like she ended up as a dwarf-sized treant.

[Javarock]

Loved the story, I Have to wonder. Did the Rino Boy grow to be large and stronger then the rest of his people?

[Antalia]

We read it aloud at my house. It took something like an hour, but it held the audience captive. The story is quite suspenseful. (I think this is amplified by reading it aloud.) Each time I paused to take a drink while reading, my audience was at the edge of its seat in full, "Come on, what's next??, hurry up!" posture.

We found it funny in parts, especially when Cado showed his flaws or uncertainty. I did a silly voice and threw in some dramatic pauses for Alino. (I'm not quite sure what was originally intended, but I think it helped him.) We especially liked the monk magic, the quests, and the grim attitude of the goblins about sieging the fortress. We were also left excited about the possibility of experiencing random "other" dimensions in Dwarf Fortress.

Personally, my favorite parts were the descriptions of Sholil and her story, her toy donkey, and when she staked the vampire. I play a female dwarf D&D character who is a little bit similar to her, and I found Sholil inspiring.

I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with Ostra--the poor guy kind of went out like a sucker. The final battle at the temple was also a bit blurry for me. I might have just been freaked out by purple smoke, though. (Oh, how I hate purple smoke! Always hiding something unthinkable...) But, I wonder if my feeling that the whole thing was a bit hazy, was actually intended to some degree. At times it can certainly be better to leave the reader's head spinning after a flurry of action, than to lay out a whole dizzying battle with crystal clarity.

The level of insanity, uncertainty, and grittiness in the story was appreciated. I expected Cado's journey to come to a gruesome, poetically tragic ending because of all the grim elements--so I got one more twist at the end when it didn't at all. Somehow that was a little disappointing. But not every story has to be a tragedy. I liked it.

And yeah... if certain things here were implemented..oh the !!FUN!!! 

[Neonivek]

I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with Ostra

Dang it yeah that was his name!

My best guess is that Ostra only really has illusions but was never able to get them off.