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[Sheb]

Yeah, secure Anatolia, Rhodes (Wonders are yummy) and then sail south. With a few onager, you could take Alexandra and Thebes in a turn, and the next city the turn after that, effectively killing the Egyptians.

[EmperorNuthulu]

Also, take Kydonia and Salamis if you can, both of them are useful island bases. Kydonia, while not being able to recruit anything worthwhile, does have greek mercenary hoplites and cretan archers.

[Stworca]

Spoiler: On your knees, Pontus (click to show/hide)

- Sir! Dick has fallen..
I can't help it.. All this talking about my wife..
- I mean our King, Sir. He died in battle. This means that... The next ruler.. By the stone..
Kaguro?
(Kaguro) : Uh! Me rule now.
You're just a puppet on the throne, and a meatshield on the battlefield. Your father was too. Can you understand and comprehend that?
: KAGURO RULES!
No, i rule *slight hand wave*
: Uh.. Ok..
But you're still the king.
: Kaguro head hurts.
(Nuthulu the Sterile) : At least you can have children!
Wait.. aren't you exiled.. Twice?
(Leibovitz) : Quo usque tandem abutere patentia nostra?
THAT DOES IT! OUT! ALL OF YOU! No.. not you.. my feet hurt! Massage them, and tell me of the current situation in Pontus
- ..kill me..
What was that?
- I've said, that the Pontic army is too far away to aid Sinope or Nicomedia. Both cities are doomed.
I still wonder where are the remaining forces of Pontus.. They have an entire army hidden somewhere.. Hey! Your hands are cold!


Greek forces are closing in to aid Pontus. Rainbow, strike Nicomedia now!
: As you wish, sir.


With luck, the Greeks will pass by Nicomedia, and take the bait at Ancyra, where we would wipe them out... Kaguro, prepa-
- Don't you wish to watch the siege of Nicomedia?
No. Our advantage is crushing. The results should be obviou- See? Their general is dead already, and the city is ours.



Now.. Kaguro, proce--
- Sir, great news! We are the largest nation on earth!


Do you mind? Interrupt me only if the news are unexpected or bad. Kagu-
- Sir! Take a look at this!


Ka-
- The Greeks have sent a diplomat.
I don't care, deal with him yourself.
- But.. you would want to see his offer.
Greek Diplomat : Welcome, supreme leader of Arm..
*ramble* What is i... oh... now that is an interesting offer.


I have a counter-offer for you. One of our treasure maps for a cheap price.


Greek Diplomat : What? Outrage! I SHALL NEVER AGREE TO-
Buy the map *slight hand wave*


Rainbow, prepare your forces to battle the Greeks at Ancyra.
: With pleasure, Sir!
Now.. at long last, Kagur-
: PONTIC ARMY ATTACK, ME DEFEND!
Stone damn you all.. I KNEW this will happ.. Wait.. It's just the city garrison.


They are attacking us in hopes of breaking the siege. Their food rations must be at an end.
: Woof.
Good idea. We will use their own gates as a choke point. ARCHE-.. Kaguro, do the Honors!
: Do a Greek? Kaguro straight.


- Pin them down! YEAH! Hahahaha! Get it? Pin... damn you all, i'm funny!



: Kaguro advances infantry to the gate.
That's a... good idea..


Just in time too, the foolish general is charging out.


Hmm.. I hope our infantry will hold their ground. But..
Slagathor von Bergfreud : YOU WILL HOLD YOUR GROUND, PATHETIC WORMS. FIRST ONE TO ROUT WILL HAVE HIS EYES GOUGED OUT, AND *the rest is censored, for the good of our two viewers*
Holy Rock.. it works! No wonder she's still single..




Slagathor von Bergfreud : BURN THE CITY TO THE GROUND! BURN IT!
: Yay!

Spoiler: Look at the colors! LOOK AT THEM, B***H! (click to show/hide)

Greeks are sieging Ancyra. Rainbow, i want you to..
: Slaughter them, drain ther blood and make dolls from their intestines?
...I ...What.. Yes, exactly that!
: Yay!


I wonder, how to deal with that many hoplites at once.. Come here, masseur!
- Sir, are you going to use my head as a magic 8-ball agai-
*shake*
- ASK AGAIN LATER.. what.. why would i say that?!
*shake shake shake shake*
- Phalanx is a very tight formation. Spread our forces out as much as possible.
Of course! Armenian tactical genius shall prevail once again!
- Where am i..?
Hush, darling. Sit on the stone bed and take your shirt off.


Spread out more! Form a reversed C lette--- That's an F.. How is this even..
: Sir, i shall decapitate disobedient mercenaries and make a fort out of their limbs! Ya-.. oh.. they made a C.


(at this point, the greek army was doomed. If they advance in formation, they will be surrounded and wiped out, because our line is much wider. If they spread out, they will get outrun with faster forces of ours, surrounded and wiped out. If they raise spears.. If they try to retreat.. If they.. If.. In short : AI doesn't know how to turtle up properly.)

Mercenaries from Thrace : General!
: I wonder..
Mercenaries from Thrace : General! The Greeks approach!
: Which part of human body would make the best belt..?
Mercenaries from Thrace : Gene...
: Encircle! Encircle and Encircle!

(Greeks decided to spread out.. Let's see how well it works out for them)





: Why am i even here..? I should be in my tent, making pictures out of Pontic brain parts.. Oh.. Maybe a giraffe this time! Giraffes are so cute!



Hoplites : FLEE!
: Re-assembling human skull is fun too. I like puzzle like that. Father once bought me those rocks that can be connectified together and--- What is this? They flee? Units! Charge!


: ..ohh.. My arm hurts! All this stabbing.. War isn't fun.


: What am i saying.. Greek blood makes such funny patterns on the sand. War is fun.


- GLORIOUS VICTORY! ALL HAIL THE STONE! ALL HAIL ARM--- Sir?
...
- Sir? What is it?
I think something is not right with Rainbow.
- You mean his blood fetish, his basement being filled with bodies, him eating babies every tuesday morning and..
What? No.. ..I think he cannot read.
: What now, Sir?
Proceed west. Siege Pergamum. As for Pontus..
- Sir, Seleucid has allied with Numidia. Egypt is surrounded.


With them out of the picture, Pontus having only one city, and Rainbow sieging Pergamum, i think we're in a strong position.
: The city is starving.. Yay!


All right, Pontus, time to meet your.. now what in the...

Yay! Intestines!

[Sheb]

Well, that was... Expected. Time to occupy the whole of Anatolia and sail to the Nile.

[Stworca]

Well, that was... Expected.

If was? Doooh, i became predictable 

[Sheb]

Yeah, you should stop crushing armies. :p

[Stworca]

Yeah, you should stop crushing armies. :p

Well, i just hope that the "humor" remains fresh, and will till the end of LP.

Now vote, or Rainbow and Slagathor both will visit you.

Also : Yay for Pontus stack finally being found! (i believe they were heading through mountains to Kotais and Artaxarta. Good thing they fell back.)

[Kicior]

I think you should try Numidia next.

[Stworca]

I think you should try Numidia next.

I.. what..? Why? Numidia is far away, and they're pushovers. I don't even remember where their western cities are 

Spoiler: Rambling about future LP (click to show/hide)

Edit : Unless you suggest that i play AS Numidia. I was thinking about Thrace next. They're also dirt poor, have pathetic units, surrounded by enemies and the fact that they're mostly naked.. good luck versus them arrows.
Thrace is an infantry nation, so it's perfect. (it IS ahistorical, i agree, but that's how it is in RTW)

Numidia has no units at all (i mean honestly.. they don't have anything..) but the only enemy early on Being Carthage, which is the number 1 "At war with the entire world" faction gives an edge. Also Numidia is one of the countries that can very often recruit elephant mercs.

Although... rebels.. hmm.

Still.. hush, we haven't won just yet! Brutii have conquered land like crazy. More info in the future.
Also, i went with "Let's try it the hard way" in the next update and couldn't control the entire battlefield at once. (i don't use pause) 6000 people running around. What happened? Well, you'll have to wait and see

[monk12]

Jolly good, as usual.

Spoiler: Da Future (click to show/hide)

I'd be interested to see an infantry based nation next, as they tend to be more... tactically stimulating than cavalry nations, for reasons you have amply demonstrated. I think one of the Greek-culture factions might provide some fresh shtick as well.

[Icee77]

Wow...Rainbow is......bloodthirsty.....

[Sheb]

Greek as been done and redone. Germany or Briton are nice, or any other "Barbarian" nation.

[Kicior]

Unless you suggest that i play AS Numidia. I was thinking about Thrace next.

That's what I mean. Thrace also sounds nice, Greek cavalry FTW 

[Dsarker]

Go for Thrace next.

[Stworca]

We;ll worry about playing Thrace or Thrace (or Thrace) later (i'll allow voting though).

Spoiler: Some more in-depth technical info about current balance of power (click to show/hide)

In the last update, and following two i have halted my rapid world expansion to allow others to catch up. They do. They do, and they are green too. (and have 100+ thousand denari) Things will remain "on edge".

Surprisingly, we have one of the smaller armies despite having three full groups + some city garrisons here and there.
Some nations (Greece) outnumber us >2 : 1.
Only Pontus has less money than us (large army + cities = Pontus in deep shit)
Our income is ~0, and only diplomacy and tripping balls allow us to build anything. Many cities had no construction quene for ages.
Some nations have >100 000 denarii..
Our Susan army (yes, Army. All cav, mostly camels) does nothing for 10 years, so that i can wipe Pontus before advancing further (voters are my Senate)
I approach Pontus slowly too, trying to do some tactical mumbo-jumbo, but it fails and i waste time.
..and Brutii advance.
Our fleet is one ship strong, which is very promising against Greek and Roman navies of 50 ships. Even if we get entire Palestine (the best source of naval trade income) we will be blocked back to stone age.
..and Romans will advance.

We have been doing grately so far, but these have all been (and in some cases - will be ) trash armies that i'd never field.

I think i'm doing OK on the battlefield, but we don't build cataphract archers as fast as others build their elite, 22+ defense units, which laugh at arrows.
As for far away future.. Our largest city has.. 7000 population. Some hostile cities are closing in on 20 000 i am sure..

I've picked Armenia because it is said to be one of the hardest factions. (and we all have hard-ons in Armenia) and i was, am, and will be throwing logs under my own feet, to let it remain such. Small info in the next, mega-spoiler of the next update

Spoiler: Mega spoiler of next update (click to show/hide)

I had many chances of taking undefended Pontus capital (their last city) instead i chose to fight their full stack AND their garrison on the field.
For the sake of the LP.

Naked, Drunk Thracians taking over the world.. hmm hmm...

No more talking about NEXT LP, until we finish this one! OI!