"Ok, this is just silly." Garrett charged the mime, intent on tackling him hard enough that he snapped his spine for payback. Then he would eat the delicious fudz (aka that damn ham) to recover some health.
[6] You charge through the invisible walls, granted they sure hurt enough to be real. [2-1=1 damage] [5] You get to the mime and snap his spine for all the trouble you had to go through. Where did that invisible ham go again?
([5]+1)x1=6 points
Make TNT, shove it up his poopshoot, let it go boob
[auto-fail] Apparently you don't understand that it requires materials to make explosives. Fer realz dawg. Also, "let it go boob"? What were you thinking??? Even if it did succeed I would totally just have it turn into a harmless disembodied breast, cause I'm a dick like that.
While still shitting, whack the dude over the head.
[3] vs. [5] (2 damage to yourself) You try to attack the Captain, unfortunately your britches smell atrocious now. You should think about hitting the showers, and perhaps the washing machine. Or in fact, just throw those away and go buy some new ones. Seriously, you smell bad, worse than bad even. You smell so bad that you somehow take damage from the smell.
Club him to death with a Fire Extinguisher
[4] vs [6] (2 damage to yourself) Suddenly alive with energy again the Captain takes the Extinguisher out of your hands and breaks it over his knee spraying you with all the Carbon Dioxide and causing you to almost pass out.
Teleport away from the non-American.
[4] Where do you think you are, the Starship Enterprise? Oh wait, they just beamed you up?
"
Shit, we meant to get Picard, we'll put you back down now." says Geordi as he teleports you back to the planet surface. Wait... why is Captain Cook still standing over there? Oh yeah, because teleportation would be massively overpowered if you didn't somehow build an item that allowed it. That makes sense now. If only you had tried to run away like a normal human being
Enemy Actions
Captain Cook: [1] The Captain has better things to do than fight you scrubs now. He is thinking.
Enemy Status
Captain Cook:
Health: 2 out of 10
Inventory: Combat Knife
AnnouncementsThe next Super Victim has arrived. She's hiding out for the moment though. You should find her, stat.
((There's a hint in there somewhere))
Health: 13 out of 20
Inventory: Pistol 9/13, Katana, Turbo Boots
Points: 103
Health: 13 out of 20
Inventory: Football equipment (- 1 damage), baseball bat, balisong knife.
Points: 627
Health: 1 out of 20
Inventory: M16 Rifle 30/60, Grenade launcher 2/6, Cardboard box 3/4 full with extra-explosive gunpowder, Cardboard box 3/8 full of extra-hard jellybeans.
Points: 101
Health: 14 out of 20
Inventory: Flamethrower, box of easy-light matches, toolbox filled with basic tools (no wrench)
Points: 0
Health: 15 out of 20
Inventory: Katana, 14 Kunai, 15 Shurikens, 1 Fire Extinguisher, a water pistol, Unreliable "cannon" lighter, 50 yrds. of string, 31 1/2 copies of the New York Times.
Points: 89