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[mcclay]

waiting list me for teh lulz

Name: Bitch Mcnasty

Apperance: she looks like everyone and noone said to be anonaymous.

Bio: is actually not that nasty or bitchy

Skills: Say Hello to my Little Friend! + 1  to big guns

Items: Chain Gun, throwing kinves, grenade attachments for all barrels, 50 gernades.
If you want I can change the name.

[V-Norrec]

OFF WITH HIS HEAD !!!!!!!!

[1] vs. [1]  No, just no.  You do absolutely nothing.

"You're not cool enough to have that rifle. Give it to me!"

Intimidate him into giving me his rifle.

[4] vs. [1]  You may very well have saved yourself some trouble later on by getting his rifle away from him.  BUT IT DOES NO DAMAGE!

Garrett grinned. It wasn't as good as flinging it off into space and having it land on the Captain, but it would do. For now he went to go look for a guy on stilts so he could break them with his bat.

[6]  You find a guy on stilts and break them but he falls on a large pile of pillows.  He's absolutely fine

Let's see how he likes a Turbo Boot to the groin.

As in, Turbo up to him and Boot him in the groin.

[1] vs. [5] (4 damage to yourself) You Turbo boot up to him just in time for him to kick you in the groin!   

Unleash my flamethrower on the captain from behind

[2] vs. [6] (4 damage to yourself) "You cannot burn me!  I am already ablaze with passion, FOR WAR!"  He then grabs his combat knife and slashes you in the arm.

Enemy Actions

[5] [6 damage] "YOUR WHITE FLAG DOESN'T STOP AMERICA!" says Captain Cook as he stabs Tarran in the chest with his Combat Knife.

Enemy Status

Captain Cook:
Health:  7 out of 10
Inventory:  Combat Knife

Spoiler: ExKirby (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Pistol 9/13, Katana, Turbo Boots
Points:  103

Spoiler: SeriousConcentrate (click to show/hide)

Health:  17 out of 20
Inventory:  Football equipment (- 1 damage), baseball bat, balisong knife.
Points:  586

Spoiler: Tarran (click to show/hide)

Health:  4 out of 20
Inventory:  M16 Rifle 30/60, Grenade launcher 2/6, Cardboard box 3/4 full with extra-explosive gunpowder, Cardboard box 3/8 full of extra-hard jellybeans.
Points: 101

Spoiler: KaguroDraven (click to show/hide)

Health:  16 out of 20
Inventory:  Flamethrower, box of easy-light matches, toolbox filled with basic tools
Points:  0

Spoiler: adwarf (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Katana, 14 Kunai, 15 Shurikens, 2 Fire Extinguishers, a water pistol, Unreliable "cannon" lighter, 50 yrds. of string, 31 1/2 copies of the New York Times.
Points:  89

[SeriousConcentrate]

Who cared that he was fine? That was hilarious! Garrett pointed and laughed at his ass... then walked off to go find a guy who was doing a fire-spitting act so he could disrupt it at a 'crucial moment.'

[Tarran]

Shoot him in the face with the grenade launcher.

[ExKirby]

Cry in pain for a bit, then run up behind him and do the good old Sparta Kick.

[adwarf]

Stab him multiple times with the pointy end

[KaguroDraven]

Pull wrench out of toolbox, bash his face

[V-Norrec]

Who cared that he was fine? That was hilarious! Garrett pointed and laughed at his ass... then walked off to go find a guy who was doing a fire-spitting act so he could disrupt it at a 'crucial moment.'

[5]  Where do you think you are, India?  Oh wait, there's one over there.  You wait for him to start breathing fire then push a couple of kids in a stroller in his path.  Guess who's getting locked up for double homocide now, that guy!

([5]+2)x5=35 points.

Shoot him in the face with the grenade launcher.

[1] vs. [1]  If by shoot him, you meant have a staring contest with him, then you did wonderfully.  He's determined to look you in the eyes as you die.

Cry in pain for a bit, then run up behind him and do the good old Sparta Kick.

[2] vs. [1] (1 damage) "This is not SPARTA!"   You yell before kicking him.  Seeing as no well is nearby though it really doesn't do much besides annoy him.  He's busy with other people right now, he hands you a number 2 and tells you he'll get to you later.

Stab him multiple times with the pointy end

[6] vs. [5] (1 damage) You barely manage to scratch him through his tough iron-like skin.  You damn dirty communists don't know how to fight like real men!

Pull wrench out of toolbox, bash his face

[4] vs. [6] (2 damage to yourself) You take your wrench out and throw it at Captain Cook but he catches it without even looking and throws it into a porta-john that some fat guy just entered.  You have a crisis of the nerves imagining the horrors your wrench is going through.  The horror, the horror.

Enemy Action

[4] [3 damage]  Captain cook jumps on Tarran and begins to strangle the life out of him.  Tarran looks like he's about to die as Captain Cook yells "GO BACK TO CANADA YOU COWARD!"

Enemy Status

Captain Cook:
Health:  5 out of 10
Inventory:  Combat Knife

Spoiler: ExKirby (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Pistol 9/13, Katana, Turbo Boots
Points:  103

Spoiler: SeriousConcentrate (click to show/hide)

Health:  17 out of 20
Inventory:  Football equipment (- 1 damage), baseball bat, balisong knife.
Points:  621

Spoiler: Tarran (Danger!) (click to show/hide)

Health:  1 out of 20
Inventory:  M16 Rifle 30/60, Grenade launcher 2/6, Cardboard box 3/4 full with extra-explosive gunpowder, Cardboard box 3/8 full of extra-hard jellybeans.
Points: 101

Spoiler: KaguroDraven (click to show/hide)

Health:  14 out of 20
Inventory:  Flamethrower, box of easy-light matches, toolbox filled with basic tools (no wrench)
Points:  0

Spoiler: adwarf (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Katana, 14 Kunai, 15 Shurikens, 2 Fire Extinguishers, a water pistol, Unreliable "cannon" lighter, 50 yrds. of string, 31 1/2 copies of the New York Times.
Points:  89

[adwarf]

STABBITY STAB STAB

[SeriousConcentrate]

Garrett thought about feeling bad about that... TOUCHDOWN DANCE!!! Ah, well, enough of that. Surely there was a mime around somewhere he could brutalize to the amusement and delight of the crowd. Preferably by dragging it to a building and then slamming its head in the door repeatedly.

[Tarran]

Oh noes.

Make him explode by confusion/shock/embarrassment or at least make him not kill me. "GO TO HELL, YOU STEREOTYPE!"

[ExKirby]

Remove pants and deliver a "Number 2" to his shoe.

Then lop his head off with my Katana.

[KaguroDraven]

Scream in fury and use the rest of my tools to make make-shift fire bombs, then toss them at him.

[V-Norrec]

STABBITY STAB STAB

[6] vs. [6] You try to stab the Captain but he is unstabbable.  He is simply too fast to be stabbed.

Garrett thought about feeling bad about that... TOUCHDOWN DANCE!!! Ah, well, enough of that. Surely there was a mime around somewhere he could brutalize to the amusement and delight of the crowd. Preferably by dragging it to a building and then slamming its head in the door repeatedly.

[1]  Unfortunately you find the mime are and are trapped in his invisible wall maze.  OW!!!  You just got hit by an invisible frozen ham! [4-1=3 damage]

Make him explode by confusion/shock/embarrassment or at least make him not kill me. "GO TO HELL, YOU STEREOTYPE!"

[5] vs. [3] (2 damage)you manage to somehow make the Cpt. doubt his own American heritage.  It damages him in the very depths of his soul.

Remove pants and deliver a "Number 2" to his shoe.

Then lop his head off with my Katana.

[2] vs. [1] (1 damage)  You can't really poop in his boot as he's wearing it so you elect to slowly scratch him to death. . . WITH A SPOON katana.

Scream in fury and use the rest of my tools to make make-shift fire bombs, then toss them at him.

[1]  You don't have nearly enough materials to make a firebomb of any kind.

Enemy Actions

Cpt. Cook:  [1]  He stares at his own hands in disbelief just now realizing his European heritage.

Enemy Status

Captain Cook:
Health:  2 out of 10
Inventory:  Combat Knife

Announcements

Another super victim is on HER way.  Might I suggest finding a health drink or ampoule?

Spoiler: ExKirby (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Pistol 9/13, Katana, Turbo Boots
Points:  103

Spoiler: SeriousConcentrate (click to show/hide)

Health:  14 out of 20
Inventory:  Football equipment (- 1 damage), baseball bat, balisong knife.
Points:  621

Spoiler: Tarran (Danger!) (click to show/hide)

Health:  1 out of 20
Inventory:  M16 Rifle 30/60, Grenade launcher 2/6, Cardboard box 3/4 full with extra-explosive gunpowder, Cardboard box 3/8 full of extra-hard jellybeans.
Points: 101

Spoiler: KaguroDraven (click to show/hide)

Health:  14 out of 20
Inventory:  Flamethrower, box of easy-light matches, toolbox filled with basic tools (no wrench)
Points:  0

Spoiler: adwarf (click to show/hide)

Health:  15 out of 20
Inventory:  Katana, 14 Kunai, 15 Shurikens, 2 Fire Extinguishers, a water pistol, Unreliable "cannon" lighter, 50 yrds. of string, 31 1/2 copies of the New York Times.
Points:  89

[SeriousConcentrate]

"Ok, this is just silly." Garrett charged the mime, intent on tackling him hard enough that he snapped his spine for payback. Then he would eat the delicious fudz (aka that damn ham) to recover some health.