In a weird reversal, this morning I yelled out of my car window at somebody.
A cyclist (or, to be more precise, a man[1] on a bike) basically bunny-hopped his machine at a retrograde angle across the road in front of me, on the brow of a hill, and already causing me to slow down (although he was nowhere near being knocked over by me, I wasn't going to steam onwards) I made a split second decision that I could as well come to a stop[2] and shout "You're an idiot!" out of the conveniently open window as he got himself onto the correct side of the road to legitimately travel in the opposite direction.
True to form, he didn't catch appear to catch what little I had said, turned in the road and shouted an agresively enquiring "What?!?". I repeated myself (knowing full well that he might have heard me, but was just upping the ante). Now stationary (and inadvertently, albeit appositely, having hit the hazard lights switch while muting the car radio[3]) I said something a bit more convoluted along the lines of "As a cyclist myself, you're giving us a bad name, riding like that". He replied with something to the effect I was ugly, as if that was somehow relevent. I very much wish I'd come up with something better to reply than "You're one to talk!"[4]. But there really seemed no more to be said, and so we parted ways (not sure who did what first, but I don't think whichever one was moved away from would have wanted to have attempted pursuit).
Anyway, it was never going to be a stimulating conversation. I had the advantage of being in a car, he had the advantage that it was me in the car (strictly sticking to the speed limit and driving safely, and not likely to go all Pulp Fiction on him with the vehicle, in hot blood), although that latter is a happy accident (or a happy non-accident, as the case may be).
[1] Best guess, mid to late 20s. Expensive looking mountain bike, and my first assumptions, based on his clothing and being obviously at leisure at that time of day was he was probably not employed (rather than off work) but had cash to spare. Might have struck a nerve there, in a way that a teenager messing about would have just gotten me grumbling, not reacting.
[2] Diverting from the aforementioned modus operandi in that one key aspect
[3] I'd stopped before the brow, and was visible for quite a way off. There was no more traffic, but it shouldn't have had any difficulty spotting me with everything flashing like that, anyway.
[4] I think I should have said something at least with the gravitas of "You're no oil painting!", but "Don't worry, I'm not asking you out on a date" might have worked on a different level. He seemed like the kind of bloke where such a confusion of sexuality (I'm comfortable enough with being plain hetero[5] but don't really care what random strangers think about me) could have niggled him more than anything else I could say. A snap retort just can't get be given the speech-writing prowess needed to fine tune the come-back, though, and I'm still not sure that what I belatedly came up with has quite the right sentiment and tone.
[5] Within standard deviation. (<=Mathematically speaking, that is. No grossly bad and/or homophobic pun intended.)